You are just EVERYWHERE, aren't you?!

Ya know, Stephen,

Try as I might, I just can't seem to escape you, no matter where I go.  If I decide I'm going to the grocery store, there you are, in the speakers, singing out at me "Who's Cryin' Now."  If I head over to the Eat-N-Park restaurant to have lunch, there you are singing "Anyway You Want It."  Then I go to a bathroom at a theater, and whatdayaknow, it's a Muzak version of "Don't Stop Believin'."

I mean CRIPES dude, will you stop following me around?! Jeez!! Let a girl have her privacy will ya? GAWD.  I mean, I know you love me, and EVERYBODY knows you want my bod, but PLEASE! There are stalking laws, you know.

So, last night I finally think I've managed to give you the slip, when Pete took me out for dinner and then to the theater to see the Pittsburgh Pops Symphony play along with an ABBA tribute band, and everything was going along fine until the very end, when they had a "meet and greet Q&A session" for anyone who wanted to stay after the concert.

I was worried about the weather (nasty snow storm), but Pete wanted to stay, so we sat down to listen to them gab about how they got started, their favorite song(s), etc.  I was rather bored by the questions being asked, so I turned to Pete and whispered, "My turn..." so I raised my hand and asked the MOST annoying question that musicians get all the time---(I asked it rather tongue-in-cheek with a wink, so they KNEW it was done on purpose---that's just how I roll), "Do you guys ever get sick and tired of playing the same old songs over and over, and if so, do you ever add your own riffs or make it into a heavy metal version of Dancin' Queen, or whatever?"  (I would really love to hear Metallica do that song, wouldn't that be COOL)?!

The answer was:  "Well, we can't really change the songs in any way, they have to remain original as they sang them---but there are some nights when we are exhausted from playing those songs several nights in a row at one venue, so we just go back to the hotel and crank up some JOURNEY or something."

What the HELL?!! GREAT GOOGA MOOGA, MAN!! You had to follow me THERE TOO?!

Pete's eyes lit up and he laughed and nudged me, "HA!" and I just gave him the rolling eyeball look.

Stephen, you're a good guy and all, but you're worse than the damned paparazzi following me around, waiting for me to pick my nose in public or something!!  I can't go ANYWHERE without a Journey song, or a Steve Perry song playing in the background!  It's starting to get on my nerves, frankly, so just COME ON OUT from your hiding place, you evil little singing man-that-you-are, and CONFRONT ME IN PERSON.  Stop hiding behind all the Muzak versions of "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'" in the elevator, stop sneaking up on me in the bathrooms, and just COME OUT AND BE A MAN, and TALK TO ME.

That's all I'm sayin'.

I mean, I might be this amazing and famous celebrity and all, but I'm just human like you are, I put my jeans on one leg at a time, just like you do...I even breathe the same AIR you do.  So, stop being such a passive-aggressive stalker-jerk, and get your sexy ass OVER HERE.

Love, sarcasm and lots of wet-sloppy kisses,
(and just when you thought you'd heard everything, now you can take pleasure in the fact that an ABBA tribute band listens to Journey too)!!

Love you lots...xoxo Rebecca

ps. Dear GAWD, Stephen, PLEASE don't EVER let there be a Journey tribute band that tries to look like you guys...I mean, some of them are quite good to listen to, maybe, but when they start wearing yellow leopard-spotted t-shirts with a bright red tuxedo jacket, or a big bushy afro, I'm gonna hurl!!  And Stephen, whatever you do---PLEASE don't EVER let Mariah-makes-my-ears-bleed-Carey EVER sing another Journey song as long as you live!!  She massacred "Open Arms," and it makes me SICK.  Aw cripes, and PLEASE don't sell out on t.v. commercials either, like so many other bands have....it's sad!! I don't want to see a "Pot-O-Gold" chocolates commercial for Valentines Day, for instance, with "Foolish Heart" playing in the background.  *shivers down my spine in disgust*  Ok, thanks for your time, we now return you to our regularly scheduled program.