Have a great weekend my friend...

Good morning Stephen....

Did you sign and send that check to SPLC yet?!  (Nag nag nag).  DO IT DAMMIT!!! hehehe

Well, tomorrow morning Pete and I are taking off to Washington DC for the weekend. I'm looking forward to it.  After all, that's my "old stomping ground." Over a span of 10 years there, I lived in Cockeysville MD, Woodbridge VA, Alexandria VA, and Fairfax VA.  I've also worked in Rockville MD and Cockeysville, and in Woodbridge too, oh and Reston VA as well.  So I pretty much know the place well. I still get stumped on those damned traffic circles though...always end up going in the wrong direction.

So, we are leaving in the morning, heading to DC to check in at our hotel, then the event check-in begins at the Crucible at 3 p.m., with all the classes beginning at 5 p.m.  It should be an interesting weekend, to say the least.  I mean, while you're sitting on your sexy butt in your house in LA or wherever the hell you live now, watching t.v., or putzing around doing next-to-nothing, just picture me, wrapped up in beautiful rope of all textures and colors, and enjoying a weekend of bondage, suspension, flogging, caning, and whips.

I'll be soaring into subspace, as often as I possibly can, because it's a HAPPY place to go, and I love it.  When the world gets you down, everybody has some kind of "escape" to a happy place that they need. So, this subspace is mine.  It's no different really, than going to the gym to get into the "zone" of exercise. You tend to transcend yourself into this exercise mode where the chemicals in your brain race through your body and give you an exercise "high" feeling...I've felt that too, and it's not much different from subspace.

I mean, unlike an exercise high, I might have a blindfold on, (so nobody can see me!---it's a mindfuck--pardon my french), and I might have rope all over my body in strategic places, but if I am soaring through subspace, I've got similar chemicals naturally flowing through my body at breakneck speed, all to give me that wonderful feeling of AHHHHH, where everything is beautiful, happy and peaceful.  I like that place a lot, and I try to go there whenever I can.  It's a natural "high" I guess you'd call it.  I've never done drugs, (except prescribed meds), and I've never smoked pot or anything else for that matter, so this is really just my way of transcending myself. Y'know?

Some people are able to achieve this "take me to a higher place" mode when they have sex too. Lots of songs have similar phrases "Can you take me high enough," "I wanna take you higher, higher..." and things like that.  I doubt they are all referring to drugs, so I figure this kind of natural high is what they are talking about, nine times out of ten.

Anyway, if you're not into this stuff, and if it bothers you, just say so and I won't talk about it anymore.

I know it bothered Melva whenever I told her some of these things.  And even though my best friend Laurie actually came WITH me to the Crucible once, AND participated in flogging me, she still didn't speak to me for 3 months afterwards, because she was afraid I might "infect" or "corrupt" her kids.

So, I'm a freak, a pariah, and that's fine with me.  It keeps all the so-called "normal" people away. LOL

I'm more afraid of "normal" than I am of freaks.  Nowadays, "normal" is really dysfunctional and twisted, not exactly how I want to be associated.  But, some would argue that my "transcendence" is also dysfunctional and twisted.  It works for ME though, so to ME, it's perfectly natural and I enjoy it.  Everybody has their version of "normal," I guess, but my involvement in this lifestyle is just one that I feel I need as an escape, and to be true to who I am as a submissive.

I like it, for example, when a Dom puts his hands around my neck and squeezes.  I used to look Peter right in the eyes when he did it, and whimper, "Harder."  Soooooo...if that gives you any idea of my own level of "self-loathing," (we all have it to some degree because we're flawed humans), then maybe you'll understand.  It's not a "death-wish," but it is a passive-aggressive death-wise kind of.  If somebody ELSE kills me, then my life's woes are over and I am not to blame.  Everybody wants to be a victim in our society, don't they?  See?!  It works quite nicely when you're feeling depressed.  Luckily for me, I'm not depressed so much anymore as I used to be.  So, the neck squeezing thing is not something I enjoy anymore.  Pete does it sometimes, but not to the same extreme as Peter.

Well, on that note, I have to go get Florence ready for her exercise therapy.  Bye for now.  Have a great weekend, and don't worry about me, I'll be having a GREAT time!!

Love, Rebecca