The dilemma, continued...

Hiya Stevie baby, how's it shakin'? (Happily I hope).

So this conundrum with Pete's first wife is still causing us some confusion.  On one hand, she's been rather lazy and has no ambition or motivation to improve her life on her own.  I really don't think she knows HOW to.  And that is rather sad.  It makes me want to help her somehow.  I don't believe in enabling people either, though, and that's where the problem lies.

Anyway, so my gut reaction is:  sometimes people need a kick in the pants to change their lives for the better, and while you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, at the same time, you can give a firm nudge in the right direction with a little bit of "tough love."

So I am all for the tough love approach.  "This is the LAST time, so don't call me to ask for more, you won't be given another dime unless you....(fill in the blank)...for yourself."  (Get a better job, get two jobs, file for welfare assistance or food stamps, declare bankruptcy, etc).  There has to be SOMETHING that she can do to get help somewhere.  She can't keep coming to Pete for it.

See, this puts me in a precarious situation with Pete's kids.  They love their mom, and rightly so.  I'm just a #3 substitute who doesn't have any experience with kids at all.  If I am the one who says their mother can no longer be welcome in our lives, well, then I'm the HAG, and they will be upset with me.

This really has to be Pete's decision.  He's wishy washy sometimes, his heart often gets the better of his brain, and he doesn't always make the right choices about women.  So, I'll stand by him, no matter what he decides...we have to always ALWAYS provide a united front to everyone in his life, and mine.  That is part of the huge responsibility of being married---at least, it is in MY opinion.  We are a team.  We discuss problems, we negotiate, compromise, but in the end, we stand united in the final decision.

I guess I'll find out soon enough what he decides to do.  I'll pray for her too.  Nobody should have to go through life with so much hardship, as she has, but then again, she kinda brought it on herself too.  It's sad to see people disintegrate and self-destruct like that.  We all have that within us, though.  We all have that potential of self-destruction.  Case in point: Your buddy Neal.  He's not going to go quietly in his sleep, that one.  Oh no, he'll crash and burn like James Dean did.  And you and I can stand back and watch it unfold like a horrible train crash that you can't look away from, but that's really all we CAN do.

It's helpless, this feeling, and I don't like it.  I don't like not being able to help someone who needs it, because you know if you try, they won't let you help them at all.  You could sit Neal down and give him all the love life advice about women that you've got---but he won't listen.  Maybe that was partially the problem between the two of you.  As "brothers," (pseudo brothers but still, close enough), sometimes the bully brother disregards the more sensitive, or intuitive brother in favor of brute strength, stubbornness, and/or false bravado.  I think he's full of all those things.  He's one passionate mutha-fuggah, that's for sure, and so are you....but you have learned a much higher level of self-control than he ever will.

I know you're not perfect. You've done things in your life that you regret, as we all have.  Pete's not perfect either.  Neither is Pete's first wife, and neither am I.  Nobody is.  Somehow, in some way, something or someone will come along and knock Neal down a few pegs.  I'm just sorry it wasn't you.

Anyway, Pete is the only person who can kick his first wife in the butt, firmly but with tough love, to get her to change her lack of motivation, lack of ambition and lack of ability to get her life together.  She's 5 years older than he is, yet she really is like a child in some ways.  She doesn't have much self-esteem at all, which is sad---there are a WHOLE LOTTA women out there in her age group that don't, and I wonder why that is??  It's really quite an interesting thing to study and research.

Well, today I spent the entire afternoon at a doctor's office, waiting for my mother to see a new doctor. If they had SAID, "this will take nearly 2 hours," I would have gone out to lunch with Florence, and then taken her home, etc., rather than having to babysit her the whole time, and try to eat something out of vending machines----they had a frozen food vending machine, with burgers and lean pocket sandwiches and stuff, but NO MICROWAVE OVEN in the kitchen area.  What a bunch of stupid asses.  Oh, and they had 2 square tables, but only ONE CHAIR in the whole cafeteria area.

Pittsburgh people suck, they are either hungover, drunk, or have burned out most of their brain cells from all the STEELERS GAMES and parties they go to.  I am convinced of this.  They're all idiots.

Well, I'm off to bed. Hope you have a nice Friday....I'm looking forward to another day away from the moms.  I go to my chiropractor, then I go shopping.  That's the only real "fun" I get.  SIGH.

Bye for now.  Love, Rebecca