My, my, my....

Hello Stephen,

So....what's new?!  Don't give me that innocent look, Mister....I know you've been doing something awesome lately!!  (As usual).  I KNOW what's new, and it's already past the $5,300 mark!!

Yes indeed, you've always been a sexy damned beast, but now that you're auctioning off an actual phone call with some lucky schmuck who bids highest on Ebay, to raise funds for the Susan G. Koman breast cancer foundation, well, all I can is: you're even sexier than ever.  It is SO COOL of you to do this, and I nearly fell off my chair this morning when I read about it on Facebook.

I said to Pete, "HA!! I know exactly how the phone call would go....

"Hello?"
"Yeah, hi, this is Steve Perry."
"SURE it is!! LIAR!!"
 CLICK.

And that would be the end of that.  (A friend of mine in high school pranked me once like that, and that's EXACTLY how the conversation went)!! hehehehe  A former coworker at the Museum pranked me once like that too, he called me on the phone while I was standing at the information desk, and he said, "I think I just saw Steve Perry!" and as he and some other coworkers gathered and watched me from above through the glass walls, they all laughed hysterically as I started looking all around the place, and fixing my hair and my lipstick...

....yeah....good times. (Rotten bastages, all of 'em).

But Pete, being a nice guy, says, "Contact Lora, ask her if I can bid on Ebay $1600 and then have Apple match that bid for a total of $3200." I said, "You're insane.  I already MET him TWICE in person, and talked to him FOR FREE both times! I can die happy!  I even WRITE to him every DAY on my BLOG!!  I don't really NEED to BUY a 15 minute phone call with Steve Perry."

But Pete said, "Not even as a Christmas present?"

D'OH!!  ......I was speechless....Pete likes to shock me like that sometimes.  He is evil.

So, I wrote to her, and apparently the answer is, "No."  Apple can only match tax-deductible donations to non-profit organizations, which is great---so if we donated directly to the Susan G. Koman organization, it'd be fine and Apple would match the donation.  But, since Ebay is the organization representing FanAsylum, and since FanAsylum is the one who will deal with the money aspect, the whole project is, unfortunately, not set up to allow that sort of thing. (Translation: too many fingers in the pie).  BUMMER!!!  But Lora did say that if we just wanted to donate money in your name, rather than bid on the phone call, they would be working on getting that set up soon.

So, alas, I am regretfully reporting to you that I will not be bidding a million bucks to sit there and stammer for 15 minutes, drooling into the phone, saying "Ummm....uhhhh...." repeatedly in your ear.

You can thank me later.

Ah well, it was a glorious thought on Pete's part, and it is a wonderful idea for YOU, as a fund raiser too.  Ya know what I love about you, Stephen?  You have CLASS.  You have not SOLD OUT....I mean, I don't hear t.v. commercials using Journey songs in the background, and HALELUYAH FOR THAT.  Don't EVER let that happen, okay?  I'd hate that.  I hated it when Mariah "bleeding ears" Carey sang "Open Arms" too...she mutilated the damned song.  It sucked the big dog, and I was disgusted that anybody in Journey would actually WANT HER to sing anything!  For cripes' sake, why didn't somebody give Norah Jones a call, or Melissa Etheridge, or somebody COOL like that....not Mariah "squeal like a pig" Carey!!  Good Lord.  And for GOD'S SAKE MAN, do not EVER let Lady Gaga NEAR one of your songs, or I will be forced to pummel you profusely!  That woman gets on my last nerve.

I also love this about you:  All of your IMPERFECTIONS.  Yep.  Not the "Mister Perfectionist Stage Persona" that you emote when you perform.  That guy is fake.  Oh sure, PART of that guy is real, no doubt about that...but the whole "IMAGE" is not exactly who you REALLY are.  And THAT is what I love about you the most.  You are imperfect.  You are human.  You put your pants on one leg at a time like everybody else, you burp, fart, swear, and probably even pick your nose for all I know.  And I love that about you more than anything else......more than your voice....more than your sexy bod....more than your hair...GAWD that hair....and more than your gigantic shnoz, even!  Wooooo you're an evil demon for making me think such sexy things. Thank you Sir.

So, sitting here, having a one-sided conversation with a man like you, is probably MUCH less complex, and there's a LOT less pressure and stress involved on my end....I can just sit here and write whatever the hell is in my head, and if you ever actually sit down to READ any of it, well, you're a captive audience my friend, and you don't have to say one word in return.  It's a beautiful thing, to just yammer on and on to a fantasy man, letting my imagination run wild, without dealing with a REAL man who talks back!! hehehehe  *wink*

Yes, you have successfully and continuously fed my imagination since I was 10 years old, and slowly over the years, you turned into a 3-D real human being with imperfections, rather than a one-dimensional poster on my bedroom wall.  And that transformation has endeared you to me forever.  I don't care if you're really GAY in real life, ya know?  That's cool with me.  Love is love, a hole is a hole, and every hole needs to be filled with SOMETHING, so go for it.  What you do behind closed doors is nobody's business.  You could be a total schmuck in real life for all I know, (and the FTLOSM men told me some interesting stories about you when I met them)!  So, I am well aware, and I have no illusions to the contrary, that the REAL Steve Perry on the phone may NOT live up to my expectations of the Steve Perry that I have always THOUGHT I've known.  I mean, as awesome as you are, imperfections included, well, I don't think I can risk losing the fantasy, if the reality is far less thrilling.

I'm sure you've dealt with that many times in your love life, too.  Right?  The woman falls for you, thinking you're something you're not, or someONE you're not, because she's had this fantasy role for you all her life, and suddenly you're real, and you're NOT exactly what they thought you'd be....isn't that something you went through with Sherri?

Well, ya know, if you love ice cream, never EVER work at an ice cream parlor, my friend.

That's a lesson I learned the hard way in life.  If you love something so much, (as I love the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum where I used to work), it can, and eventually WILL, be used against you by that very thing you love the most.  Believe me, I've lived it.  The Museum made me choose between my family and my job on 9/11.  On that day, I had a family emergency, I drove to Michigan, and the next day, they gave me this ultimatum.  So, I chose my family.  I then had 3.5 years of pure shit to deal with. And, though they mentioned they would, they broke their promise to rehire me.  It is my biggest regret in my whole life, and I wish with all my heart and soul that I could rewind and change things.  I'd still be working there if 9/11 had not happened.

You've loved music all your life. You've loved the fantasy of being a rock star when you first got started.  Now you've lived it, you've traveled everywhere, you've seen it all, you've given all your energy and your hard work for so many years----and guess what? You loved it more than anything in the universe, didn't you?!  But, eventually you got bit in the ASS by the very people you loved the most in this world, who helped you achieve that dream.  And the pain of that experience is something you cannot ever get over, not entirely.  It sticks with you, it is always in the back of your mind, it is haunting and devilish, and it eats you up inside forever.

We are kindred spirits, you and me.  We've both experienced that horrible and diabolical situation.

So....I tell ya what....you can call me on the phone anytime, if you like....my cell number is in Lora's email.  Hell, I'll even put it here for ya, to make things easier: 412-576-6523.  I know you won't call.  But I won't pay you a million bucks to do it, either, because I can just sit here and type to you for free, every day, more than once a day if I want to, and I can PRETEND that you care, I can PRETEND that you read it, I can PRETEND that you enjoy what I write, and I can PRETEND that you are really and truly my friend.  And God Bless You Sir, I really like that.  You may consider this blog a sort of "therapy on the cheap," for me, actually.  I have always had a diary, all my life, since I was 10 years old and first read "The Diary of Anne Frank."  I have BOXES FULL of diaries, until the age of 40.  I'm 43 now.  (Irony: my whole life is written down and kept in boxes, and when I die, I'll be in a box too).

At that point, when I turned 40, suddenly my life went wild, chaos ensued, and suddenly I found myself leaving Washington DC, moving to a strange place (Pittsburgh....and yes, it is the strangest place in the whole universe, trust me on that....if you don't at least CLAIM to love sports, you will be hunted down by those crazy Steeler fans who do)....and suddenly, after vowing to the gods above for 40 years of my life that I would NEVER EVER get married----suddenly I blinked, and there I was, with a ring on my damned finger.  I still don't know how the hell all that happened.  My head still spins from it.  Pete reminds me a lot that I told him on our wedding day, and I quote, "You know I love ya, but if Steve Perry shows up, honey, I'm outta here." hehehehehe (Seriously, I did say that).

But you stood me up, ya poop.  So, I got hitched.  Thanks a lot. (smacks you upside your head).  I'm not really a violent person, but COME ON! You don't even KNOW what you're missing!!  Honey-my-love, my rockin' troubadour from heaven above, I would totally and consistently rock your world more than any other person on this planet ever could.  THAT I can guarantee.

Well, anyway, I hope whomever bids the most $$ on Ebay to help women with breast cancer will get to have an enjoyable 15 minutes of talking with you.  I hope they won't sit there drooling and saying, "Umm, uhhh" or (worse), gushing 500 words a minute about how they've loved you forever, and how they get goose pimples all over their bodies whenever you open your mouth to sing...that would really get OLD quick, hearing such silly things all the time, I would think.  BLEAH.

I just love you because you're an imperfect human.  And I know that I enjoy writing to you on this silly blog, and I like to imagine and hope that you enjoy our fun conversations, even though you probably just sit there....yeah....you sit there like a good little boy....yeahhh.....and you're nodding and smiling....and oh yesssss, you're even agreeing with everything I say!!!  GOD I really love that about you!! hehehehehehe

Bye for now.

Love, your favorite blog-writing fool, Rebecca