Ehhhh...maybe not.

Hiya Stevie baby,

What's shakin'?  Yeah, I re-read that "story" that I started last time, and kinda laughed about it actually.  It took me all of 10 minutes to conjure up the whole idea, and edit the details.  Seems rather intriguing on an amateurish level, but come on, you and I are both WAY beyond that, right??  I mean, sure, the average vanilla guy in his 30's would probably go ape-shit crazy over such a story in Penthouse magazine---and believe me, I could probably write 50 more pages about it very easily---but in my humble-but-opinionated-opinion, it's all just too formulaic, and seems rather laughable........if you're really someone involved in it.

So, let's just skip that crap, and cut to the quick...

How do you like your BDSM.....hard play, soft & sensual, a little bit of both, or somewhere in between? Naked, leather, or liquid latex?  Single tail whip, bull whip, or flogger?  Dragon's tongue perhaps?  Whartonburg wheel?  (GAWD I love that thing).  Japanese kurada bondage, predicament bondage, or suspension?

Well, think about it and get back to me when you figure it all out.

My point is, BDSM is a myriad of multi-faceted, multi-level activities, not for the faint hearted.  It's definitely NOT some mysterious woman coming over to undress into black leather corsets and thigh high boots with nipple clamps, taking a riding crop out of her bag.  Ya know?  But, that's the shit that SELLS in magazines and smut shops.  And ya know what?  It's the biggest mind-fuck in the universe.

Yep.  Totally.  I would never lie to you, my friend.  They deliberately lie to the general public about this kinky stuff, simply to keep the crazies out of it.   Somebody like Jeffrey Dahmer, for instance, "only" liked killing and eating young boys....he wouldn't get anywhere near a single-tail whip, or a flogger, he wouldn't care to wear butt-less leather chaps, or be tied up in any way....get me?  He was a friggin' LOON beyond all insanity, but HE WOULDN'T GO FOR BDSM AT ALL.  Ya know why??  Because it's too socially "taboo" and complicated.  Compared to killing and eating young boys, which was EASY for him to do, BDSM actually takes time to LEARN and SMARTS to do it RIGHT, and there are lots of safety RULES to follow.  He didn't do any of that.  He didn't want to take time to learn anything, he was TOO SMART!!  He didn't want anything too difficult to master, either.  He already KNEW all that he needed to know!!  And he certainly wouldn't follow anybody else's rules about anything, either.  He made his OWN rules, by God!!

Crazy people do not typically join in BDSM stuff.  Now, I've heard it described as "a room full of fat people beating each other," and ya know, THAT definition is actually MUCH more accurate.  There are many theories about why people get involved in it, lots of debates, lots of arguments...but, the bottom line is, MOST people involved in it do it for the stress-relief, the release, and the freedom of expressing who they really are....the person inside that they have to HIDE from everybody in the vanilla world.

Just like YOU, Mr. Stephen Perry-the-greatest-singer-in-the-world....you HID behind that microphone, on that stage, you HID behind your "on-stage persona," your "image," because you didn't want the whole world to know the real YOU.  Am I right?  Most celebrities have to do that, for privacy.  It's completely understandable.  The cool thing is, you can do it right out there in the limelight so everybody can see you do it! You could hide behind the music, the lyrics, the dancing, and the audience interaction.  The REAL you might be saying, "Goddammit, I'm too tired to do this tonight, I have a splitting headache and my throat is sore and I'm so SICK of singing this damned SONG for the millionth time!" But yet, you had no choice really, so you went out there and HID that other REAL stuff from everybody.  Is that somewhat accurate in my assumption?  If not, I apologize.

But, guess what?  We kinky folks do the same damned thing.  We hide our NORMAL DAILY VANILLA "personas" from the kinky people!!  And we do it right out there in front of 'em too!!  Hell, we don't want the kinky people to know that we're a boring-assed ACCOUNTANT in real life, do we? NOOO!!! We are exciting!! We are mysterious!! We are badass!!  And so we re-name ourselves, (like having a stage-name), into things like, "BIG DADDY BADASS," and that's what ALL the kinky people call you!!  It's like having your own online screen name that you just make up, but that becomes YOUR IDENTITY to everybody in the dungeon world.  And you tend to BECOME that persona, at least while you're in the dungeon or at the private party, or at the club.  You MORPH into this "Big Daddy Badass," by cracking a few whips, by showing off your flogging technique with both wrists moving with two of 'em, round and round, faster and faster...you suddenly BECOME this mysterious man, with all the skills and the knowledge and the intrigue that the name evokes.

Have you ever played Dungeons & Dragons?  Nah, I don't think you ever have.  I used to play that game when I was in college.  It is a role playing game, set in medieval times, where there is really no beginning and no real end either.  It is just an adventure that you continue on, every time you play it.  Well, BDSM is sort of like that.  You have to begin somewhere, sure, but there's NO LIMIT to what you can learn, and NO END to the things you can experience.  It's always a new adventure.  You encounter new people, you encounter new places, you experience new things, ALL THE TIME.

Most BDSM people that I know, (most from Washington DC) are higher-up's in the federal government, they have very confidential, top-security jobs, they are very intelligent, very sophisticated, and they have very high-stress levels all the time.  Some people use drugs to get rid of stress, some people drink to excess to blow off stress, some people are sex-addicts (Neal Schon), but kinky people tend to prefer beating somebody's ass to get out their aggressions.  And, some people prefer having their assses beaten!!  Some even like the "role play" part of it, to escape into their preferred persona for awhile, to forget about "Clark Kent," and become their version of "Superman."  It all depends on the level of involvement, and the type of person you are, but the main thing is, it is mostly about the endorphins.

Now, I don't know about you, but I have noticed as I've grown older, that LOTS of people, probably half of the people around you every day, are over-medicated to some extent, for whatever reason.  They have a very long delay at red lights, for example, because they are in this medicated fog, or they are drunk, or stoned, whatever........but doing those things make all the natural chemicals in your body and brain get totally out of whack.  Most people are born with, or eventually develop, some kind of chemical imbalance of some sort.  Chemical imbalances are what causes colds, flu, pneumonia, insomnia, allergies, you name it....diabetes, high blood pressure, etc....it's all because of some immune deficient chemical imbalance in your body.

Endorphins, however, tend to help re-gain that balance of chemicals, NATURALLY.  And endorphins can only be experienced if there is some type of discomfort, or pain, which makes the nerve endings send messages to the brain, "we need some help here, send us some endorphins to cushion the pain."  So, we spank each other, our butts get red and sore, and suddenly we are all warm and fuzzy and flying through the air, and we're experiencing the BALANCE of our chemicals like we SHOULD be.  And it's like ascending to another plane of existence, it's like some utopian paradise, where everything is right in the world as it should be, and you want to stay there as often as you possibly can.

Maybe that's how all addictions are, I don't know.  But, once you get to this place of happy chemicals all being balanced naturally, well, you seek it more and more, and you need it, and you enjoy it more and more....but the difference between BDSM endorphin addiction and some other UN-natural addiction, is that it ALWAYS GETS BETTER.  Alcoholism doesn't ever get "better."  Neither does drug addiction.  But, BDSM DOES.  It always always always gets better and better and better...

Not for David Carradine, sure, it kinda took him to the extreme bad place that he should never have attempted all by himself.  And hey, there are idiots all over this world who will do exactly the same damned thing as he did, without knowing the safety rules.  But if you KNOW those rules, and you study them, and practice them, well, that outcome of asphyxiating yourself would be avoided.  He should have sought someone in the scene to help him out.  If he had only had someone nearby who understood and accepted his kink, he would still be alive today.

But, so many people think it's "evil" to be involved in BDSM, and they can't TELL anybody---God forbid---because it's SHAMEFUL and EMBARRASSING....and holy HELL it could totally END a career, it could cause divorce, you could lose your kids....etc....and sure, those are all very valid concerns...but, my guess is, he probably did that activity many times before without any problems, and felt like he didn't NEED any rules or safety, or another person there to help if he encountered problems.

Some people feel that they don't NEED to go play in public, either, which is the sure sign of a wannabe or a poser, or somebody who really just doesn't know what the hell they are doing.  They would rather hide in their own bedrooms, in their own homes, and do things THEIR way, instead of learning the proper safety precautions, instead of learning the protocol....and usually, those are the people to avoid. Playing in public, is like a checks and balances of sorts.  People watch you play.  People take notes of what you did wrong, and/or what you've done right, of the reactions you get or don't get from your submissive during the scene....they pay attention to how you handle your toys, how you hold yourself around others, how you interact....and all of those things lead to a MENTAL CONNECTION that is the number one priority of everybody involved in BDSM.  If you're hiding in a bedroom, you don't HAVE that mental connection, and all you're really doing, is abusing somebody in a wrong and bad way.

Arrogance, or ignorance----those 2 things can really fuck it all up for people, no matter WHAT they are doing....whether it's playing golf, a video game, or trying to write music for millions of fans who expect it and demand it----if you're an arrogant asshole, nobody will play golf or tennis with you...if you are ignorant of the rules or how to play the game, the same thing will happen.  If you're arrogant when writing music, the odds are, it won't be any good and nobody will buy it.  If you're IGNORANT while writing the music for your audience, (without taking the time to learn the demographics, to know your audience FIRST), well, you may miss the mark completely and sell ZERO records because nobody GETS IT.  If Mozart were alive, and tried to play his music in a rough, gang-infested, inner-city black community, for instance, he probably wouldn't have much of a following and wouldn't sell a thing.  But if he took the time to know that lots of MUSICIANS and creative people absolutely love classical music, and some performers actually start out from there, or grow to love it and aspire to be in a symphony or an orchestra, well, hey, he might sell a billion records in THAT demographic.  The trick is, finding that particular demographic, and cultivating it so that it grows and continues for many years.

It's the same way with fund raising.  It's pretty much the whole concept behind capitalism.  So, BDSM really is NOT all that "taboo," it's kind of the same exact thing, wrapped in a different style of package.

Well, anyway, I'll go for now.  I don't know if you understand any of this or not, but for what it's worth, I will not bore you with anymore formulaic, lame-ass, vanilla "Penthouse" stories like that.  I'll just tell you the REAL stuff, as it happens, when it happens, and let you make up your own mind about it without buying into the crap and the bullshit and the lies that the vanilla world WANTS you to believe.

Just know that, if I were a crazy person, I wouldn't be involved in it.

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca