Alzheimers is annoying, aggravating and agitating.

Hi Steve,

Well, Florence got a dose of her own nastiness yesterday, right back at her.  She was sitting at the table, being a total bitch, accusing Pete and I of stealing her money---Alzheimers patients have a lot of paranoia about people stealing from them---so after we tried reasoning with her calmly, which didn't work, and after she escalated things by being even nastier and bitchy, I finally snapped.

Pete actually snapped first, he yelled at her, at the top of his lungs, and pounded his fists on the table several times---to get her to shut up.  She then snarled, "Good, I hope you broke your table."  That was it.  I jumped up out of the chair, grabbed her by the armpits, and said, "I have had ENOUGH OF YOU!! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!! YOU ARE GOING TO BED AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN THE REST OF THE DAY!!"

She tried to squirm out of my arms, and fell to the floor---she sat there, protesting, "No! No! I don't WANT to go to bed! You can't MAKE me!" and I grabbed hold of her again, hoisted her up, and pushed her ass all the way down the hallway, threw her onto her bed, and said, "YOU ARE DONE, do you understand? You'll be going to a goddamned NURSING HOME, because I am fucking SICK OF YOU!!"  (I have NEVER, I repeat, NEVER manhandled another human being in my whole LIFE).  I didn't even know I COULD.  I had no "plan" of doing that, it just happened, and I was shocked at MYSELF for doing it.  I was going to grab her by the hair, but I just hoisted her up by her arms instead.

So my day was just peachy yesterday.  Pete and I took off, shortly after that, just to get out of here.  We talked about it the whole time, and decided that we're going to hire a nurse to come in 2-3 times a week. And from there, if she continues to get even more out of hand, she'll be GONE to a nursing home.

Pete had never seen her act so beliggerent before---even though I have told him she does this a lot---and he was shocked at her.  He felt like we failed to keep her calm, and we failed at our reaction to her bitchiness, but I told him WE ARE ONLY HUMAN.  We didn't fail anything.  We tried calmly to deal with her, we did our best, but she kept picking, and bitching, and accusing, calling us liars, etc., to the point where we just snapped.

I mean, I've never had children, but if my KID were to ever act like that, he'd get a mouth full of SOAP, yanked by the HAIR, and SPANKED before being told to go to his room.  Ya know?  So, if she insists on acting like a brat-child from hell, then we'll have no choice but to TREAT her like one.  Pete actually agreed with me about that.  I told him to imagine if his mom were MY NEPHEW, (18 year old brat), and how would he handle it if HE were the one doing those things??  He nodded, and said, "Yeah, I guess I do see your point."  My nephew, by the way, would be in a world of hurt if he ever did that shit. He would be marched right down to the nearest recruiting office, and signed up for boot camp in the army.  Seriously.  That's what he needs, discipline.  I would ship his ass out to learn about life for awhile.

But anyway, I'm a believer in "tough love," if you haven't figured that out yet.  Florence made us get tough, and that's just what a young kid would do---push their luck to see how far they can push us.  Well, after we were gone for awhile, we got back home, and she was FINE.  She didn't even REMEMBER any of it.  Well, at first, she was mad but didn't remember WHY, and she told my mom that "her friends hit her."  My mom sat her down, looked her in the eyes, and said, "You deserved it."

Then mom apparently had a talk with her too, while we were gone, telling her that she had better behave herself, or we'll put her into a home, and that's what she fears most.  My mom told her that she'd better stop pushing and nagging and accusing and being a brat, because all that accomplishes is getting us to hire a total stranger (nurse) to take care of her, babysit her, and if we have to call in the CRISIS people, (psychiatrists who come evaluate the Alzheimers patient in the home to determine of they should be taken to an assisted living home), then we'll be calling them as well.  And if they say she's too difficult to deal with, she's GONE.  We've had to call them once before, and we'll do it again and again if need be.

I just wish she would die already, and get it the fuck over with.  Ya know?  I'm sure she feels the same way, she's said it before.  She has outlived her husband, her parents, her sister, she has no immediate family left except nieces who stuffed her into a nursing home without telling anybody, and one nephew, and a few of her dead husband's family members who are still around.  She's always saying she wants to go "home," we tell her THIS IS YOUR HOME but it never gets through to her.  Maybe she's talking about "home" as heaven, with Jesus.  I don't know.  Maybe she's asking permission to die.  Who the hell can figure this shit out??  I can't.

It's a miserable existence, Stephen, to have Alzheimers.  What if one of your Journey buddies gets it?  What if Neal suddenly cannot remember how to play the guitar?  Can you imagine his anger, his frustration, his upset...and he would take it all out on whomever was closest to him, just like SHE does.  How do you deal with that, when you KNOW it's not his fault that he has this disease, and you KNOW that he's an intelligent (?) guy, and you KNOW that he doesn't really MEAN any of his nasty words and accusations, and bitchiness....you KNOW that he's got some paranoia, but you didn't TOUCH his damned guitar, even though he keeps accusing you of it---and at the same time, he's pushed you to the point of hating his guts.  What the hell do you DO in that situation???

Well anyway, it's nearly noon, my mom is sick with the "icky yucks," (flu) and I am dreading another day in this house with that Alzheimers-inflicted pain-in-the-ass old woman.  I guess I'd better go get it over with as soon as I possibly can.

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca  ps. I sent Lora's Christmas card to her with our newsletter in it yesterday.  I am getting the Journeyopoly game ready to be shipped to her for your birthday as well.