New Year thoughts....

Hello Stephen, you sexy hunk of man you.

How are you today?  I hope you're enjoying some much-deserved time off to relax and enjoy being with your lady in red.  (Or whomever else you enjoy being with).

Pete is on his way home from Rochester NY right now, so I wanted to take a few minutes to just toss out some thoughts as 2011 ends and 2012 begins.

I had a very nasty episode of hypoglycemia last night, out of nowhere, and it really had me feeling scared. I don't know if you've ever experienced that or not, but I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy. With diabetes, you're always walking on a high wire with one of those tiny umbrellas, ya know?  You have to keep your glucose levels balanced at all times, or you can really get messed up.  Now, I have to admit, I'm a lazy person when it comes to testing my sugar levels.  We're supposed to do it 3-5 times every day, but really, come on, who does that?!  I often go weeks, or even months, without doing it.  "Out of sight, out of mind," ya know?  I don't like that I have diabetes, so I don't want to deal with it.  Simple as that. (Stupid, I know).  But, that's really how it is.  I'm lazy and I don't like it, so I don't want to do it.

I've had it for 5 years now, and frankly I'm annoyed by it.  I want it gone.  The only way to do that, however, is (of course), the hardest thing in the world to do, and that is: to lose weight.  It can't be an EASY fix, oh noooo, it has to be this starvation diet thing, where all you eat is vegetables and protein and nothing TASTY anymore.  Believe me, I've tried nearly every diet out there, and they all suck.  I did manage to lose 35 pounds on Atkins, for the 3 months I was on it.  The problem was, I like bread too much.  So once I started eating more bread, well, that pretty much ruined it and I gained half of it back.

So last night I have dinner, and afterwards, I took my pills like I always do.  Then I did a stupid thing, but it didn't SEEM like it would be a problem...I went in and had some "Moose Munch," which is friggin' AWESOME...I mean, who doesn't like caramel corn with chocolate drizzled all over it?!  So I had a small piece of this, and about a half hour later, suddenly I'm feeling nauseous, lightheaded, kinda like I'm about to pass out....and I had sweat all over my forehead.  This is what hypoglycemia does.  My sugar level spiked after eating dinner, the pills hadn't yet kicked in, and then I ate something super sweet.  Then, after a major spike like that, you just crash.  So I was crashing, and I felt like I needed someone to help me.  I was sitting with Florence, watching t.v., and suddenly I felt like I had to vomit.  I didn't, thankfully, but it FELT like I was going to at any moment.

Pete was gone, to visit his kids overnight, and my mom was down in the basement.  I texted both of them to tell them what was going on, and when I tried to get up to go get something to eat, a banana, some soda, etc., to get my sugar level to rise again, I nearly fell on my ass.  I was dizzy, I was lightheaded, I couldn't think straight, I didn't know what to do, and I felt panicky.  So I finally got up again, without being so dizzy, and got my tester to see what my sugar level was.  Anything between 100-130 is average, and a good level to be.  My level, however, was 82.  So I ate a banana.  I tested again 15 minutes later, and it was 94.  Not too bad.  I was starting to feel a little better.  I also had some sugar-soda mixed with some diet fruit juice---didn't want to overdo it.  A few minutes later, I tested again, and it was DOWN to 78!!  I felt sicker than a dog again!!  What the hell?!

So I ate something else, I don't even remember what it was, ohhh, wait, yeah it was a Glucose tablet, which I carry around in my purse just in case of this happening when I'm out and about.  Then, after about a half hour of feeling horrible, my sugar finally went up to 125.  But, I gotta tell ya, that was the longest hypoglycemic episode I've ever had.  One time, at our old house, my sugar was 51, and I was physically sick in the kitchen sink.  I was clammy, sweaty and freezing cold at the same time, and I nearly passed out right on the floor.

I hate this shit.  I feel like I am handicapped.  I feel like I'm an invalid.  I hate it.  I want it gone.

So, the typical "lose weight" resolution has more meaning to me this time around than it did before. These episodes could throw me right into anaphylactic shock.  I could suddenly be in a diabetic coma.  This knowledge does NOT appeal to me.  Today I weighed myself at my chiropractor, and somehow, I have lost nearly 5 pounds.  (4.5)  I did one of those colon cleanse things a few weeks ago....NOT very pleasant, but I do it twice each year, just to get rid of toxins and stuff, to try and be healthier.  Don't know if it really works or not, but I do it anyway.  I think that, mixed with walking on our treadmill 3 times a week has actually helped me to lose that weight.  Of course, that makes me want to do it even more, to get rid of more weight.  I like seeing that number decrease.

But here's the thing: diabetes makes it nearly impossible to lose weight, because the medication they give ya, actually makes you GAIN weight.  THAT is the biggest crock of shit in the whole pharmaceutical world, if you ask me.  What a bunch of crap.  Job security is one thing, but come on, that's just ridiculous.  I don't trust those damned pharmaceutical companies one bit.  I don't like doctors and I abhor hospitals.  I avoid them all like the plague.  I mean, why would I trust somebody who hasn't slept in 4 days, do you REALLY think they are thinking properly??  And if they're only in their 20's, get that idiot person away from me, they just graduated medical school, and now they think they're Marcus Welby MD?? Hell no.

(HA!! I'll bet you $10 bucks, most twenty-something's wouldn't even know who the hell Marcus Welby even WAS).  You're excused, Mr. Perry, because you didn't really have much time to watch t.v. back then, (when that show was popular), so if YOU don't even know who Marcus Welby was, Google it, but please know that I understand your circumstances.

I tried Weight Watchers, but they suck.  I tried Jenny Craig, and they suck too.  I have NOT yet tried Nutri-System D, but I don't want to get hooked on all this processed microwave food either.  That can't be healthy for ya, I don't care WHAT they say.  SIGH.  It's very expensive, too, so fuggetabahtit.

So I've been testing my sugar levels all day today.  I will again after I finish writing to you.  But what a pain in the arse, to have to poke your finger and make it bleed all the damned time, just to get a "score," and have to keep taking pills for it, etc.  I'm not supposed to wear high heels anymore, and lemme tell ya, that's like DEATH man!!  I mean, I LOVE THEM!!  I love shoes!!  That's the biggest bummer though, you really have to worry about your damned feet all the time.  God I so hate diabetes.  How am I supposed to look like a sexy diva at the dungeon, when I'm in FLATS?!!  It just isn't possible!!

Anyway, yeah yeah, I know that's silly, but hey, so am I. What do you want?! This is me, take it or leave it.  I am imperfect, irrational, emotional, female, and all that crazy girl junk mixed up in between.  So sue me. (You know you love it).  I am your most favorite crazy chick in Pittsburgh, ADMIT IT!!

Pete will be home soon, and he'll probably hog the computer....luckily we finally found my laptop, so I'll still be able to write on that if he's hogging this desktop computer for the next few days.  He's home all week, doesn't have to work, so he bugs me a lot because he's in my FACE the whole time.  I need my alone time, ya know??  Get outta my FACE....(ha!! Etta James sang that once in a song...do you know what that song title was??  I do!!)  I'll leave ya hangin' until next time, so you'll have time to think about it.  I absolutely LOVE Etta James.  In fact, I think maybe she's my alter-ego in a lot of ways.  If you were to put her and Aretha Franklin in a room together to fight it out, even if it was just with their voices, Etta would kick her butt.  Seriously.  So much more badass than Aretha!!

Well, I will try to write again soon, but I'll be out of service on Friday, and probably until Sunday.  Pete and I are going to the dungeon in Cleveland on Friday evening, (it's his birthday), and they have a New Years Eve party (a day early) going on.  Then, we'll be staying at a hotel on New Years Eve locally, to have their nice dinner buffet and dancing, and all that stuff.  I've never done that quirky married thing on New Years Eve before, so it should be interesting.  I mean, last year, and the year before, we just stayed home with the mom's.  Yippy skippy.

I'm thinking about ways to re-do our master bedroom. So far, it's just plain and boring, no real theme or plan, just a long room with slanted ceilings, skylights and one large window at the one end.  It's a huge room, so decorating it is quite a challenge.  I have been looking through magazines and web sites online, just to get ideas, but so far, nothing has really grabbed me.  That's on the list of 2012 things to accomplish though.

I did take a sewing class last Monday though-----yeah I know, ME!!!  Me, taking a SEWING CLASS?! That's just crazy.  I am NOT a domestic goddess by any stretch of the imagination, but I am trying to learn.  Pete's mom bought me a sewing machine 2 Christmases ago, and it's just been collecting dust in the box because I have NO CLUE how to use the damned thing.  So, I took a class on beginning sewing, at JoAnn Fabrics.  Now I have these aspirations of making new curtains, and pillow coverings, table cloths---I told my mom I'd make her a handkerchief by next Christmas if I can figure out how....LOL....remember, I am sometimes a lazy broad.

I mean, I have worked 2 jobs at the same time, most of my life....I am NOT lazy in that respect.  I do the chores around the house, too, every day.  But when it comes to doing something for ME, that I should do (like checking my sugar), nahhhhhh.  If it's something like, hang up my clothes that are in piles in my bedroom, nahhhhhh.  That is the sort of laziness I'm talkin' about.  I don't want you to get the wrong idea!!

Today I got some supplies at JoAnn's, and a book on how to learn the basics, so I'm going to make myself sit down and play with it this week while Pete's home.  (If I can).  Depends on what's going on. The weather is starting to turn ugly around here, we may have snow tomorrow.  Bleah.  I'm not a big fan of global warming, (I'm a bleeding heart liberal Democrat, by the way, so I'm a pacifist, I believe in world peace, feeding the hungry, to HELL with the politicians and the rich people, save the whales, yadda yadda yadda...you get the idea).  If I were still single, and didn't have 2 mom's to babysit all the time, I'd be right down in the middle of Occupy Wall Street.  You bet your ass I would be.  So, I'm one of THOSE types of people, silly me.  But even though I am not a fan of global warming, I like warm weather!!  I would rather have green Christmases!!  I don't like snow!!

Ah well, what can ya do.  It's December on the east coast.  We're screwed.

I hope you had a lovely Christmas, and I do hope you'll have plenty of people to kiss at midnight on New Years' Eve, too.  Wish I was one of 'em!!  I'd rock your world, my friend, I really would.  Instead, I'll just try to find 2 picture frames to put the 2 poster-sized photographs of you in them...and try to figure out where the HELL I'm going to put them up.  I'll see you every day, on my wall, somewhere in this house.  (Yeah, the whole idea of having a crazy Journey shrine all in one place has kinda left me feeling bummed out and ookey....but having the 2 photos framed and maybe hanging upstairs in my office area, I can live with that...it's not really considered overkill if I spread out the happy sexy goodness of you in various places in my house, is it)??!

Rolling my eyeballs at myself.  Sometimes I'm really a nutball.  Love you lots.  Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca