You make giving you birthday gifts difficult, Mr. Perry.

Hello Stephen,

Well, it's nice to see that the Ebay auction is up to $3,600 so far, that is GREAT.  I like that you're helping to make the world a better place, by doing that.  I really do.

What I DON'T like, Mr. Man, is that I cannot seem to GIVE YOU a birthday present.  Yeah, that's right, you make it REALLY HARD for people to do that, and hey, I can totally understand that all the weirdo's and creeps and freaky people should be definitely NOT allowed to do that....but ME?!!  MOI???  Silly, harmless ME??? Really??  Come on, chill out, will ya??

I wrote to Lora to ask if I can send her the Journeyopoly game, to give to you, but she wrote back and said you don't like it when she wants to forward things to you, so she doesn't even have any other address to do that.  SIGH.

So, ya stink-faced magoo, I can't even send you a friggin' birthday CARD???

You really are a poop.

I do hope you have a great birthday though.

Bye for now.

---Rebecca