Feeling under the weather today...

Hi Stephen,

How are you today? I hope you're busy with that new album, everybody's dyin' to buy it, you know! It must be nice to be one of those lucky people that has the ability to turn everything they touch into gold. Seriously, you could just stand on a stage and stutter, squeak, sneeze or just groan, and we'd all buy it. If you didn't have that nice ass or that gorgeous shnoz, you'd probably get a lot of sneers, but hey, you've got the whole package, so you're absolutely golden my friend. You lucky SOB.

Unfortunately, I'm feeling like death warmed over today.  My chiropractor's assistant gave me a nice massage yesterday, because it seems all the stress in the universe decides to land on my shoulders and neck area, all the time, and it hurts almost constantly.  A few Aleve here and there, and I can deal with it.  A massage now and then in addition to some Aleve, really does help.  BUT, there's a flip side to that coin.  Getting a massage to loosen muscles and stress also releases TOXINS into my system, and with the combination of feeling very depressed, exhausted and stressed out, my immune system gets kicked in the butt, and like a dweebis, I get sick.

It used to be, when I worked at the Museum in DC, I had 2.5 million people a year breathing in my face, (that works out to be between 3,000-5,000 people per day-----so I know you can relate to that), and they all have GERMS and they all BREATHED those germs on ME....(asking me "where's the bathroom where's the bathroom where's the bathroom" 500,000 times a day), but, the weird thing was, my immune system was somehow stronger when faced with more germs than I am now.  I rarely, if ever, got sick while I worked there.  But now that I'm not near that many people anymore, well, just one good germ gets me down and I'm a friggin' mess.

Because of that, however, I really am a germ-ophobe.  I do not like touching door knobs to bathrooms in public places, I don't like sitting on toilet seats without some kind of cover over them first, and I never touched ANYTHING when I rode the metro train to and from work every day...filthy nasty germs everywhere.  People really are pigs.  I had hand sanitizer in my purse, I used it at least 50 times a day, and if somebody nearby was coughing, I'd run in the opposite direction. Still do.  I stood near someone in a line at a store recently and she was coughing like she had some kind of horrible disease, like her lung was going to just fall out of her mouth and hit the floor.....and I couldn't go anywhere, or I'd lose my place in line.  I have decided to blame this illness on her, too.  Damned sick people, HEATHENS, all of 'em.

I remember in 1994, when I asked if I could hug you, the response you gave me was, "Yes, you may, but don't kiss me, I don't want to get sick."  (insert my annoyed face with one eyebrow up in the air and a scowl).  And if you remember, I said to you, rather miffed, "I didn't ASK to KISS you." (and what WASN'T said, but was implied, was "you arrogant buffoon.")  Yeah, you heard me, ARROGANT BUFFOON...you're not Mr. Perfect, Stephen Ray Perry, and sometimes even YOU can be a jerk.  But, I love you no matter what, I just give you attitude sometimes, right back.  So nyah on your gnarly face.

I mean, I know all those OTHER beotches around you at that meet and greet for FTLOSM couldn't help but maul all over you and grab you and act like they were in some kind of male stripper club or something----(did ANY of them even bother to stuff a dollar bill down your pants? I sincerely doubt it, those cheap ass whores)....but ya know, I'm not like that.  And for you to ASSUME I WAS like that, really bugged me.  I mean, I ASKED you if I could give you a hug, I didn't just grab hold of you and do it without SOME respect and politeness, ya know? My momma didn't raise me like that.  How many OTHER women fans actually took the time to ASK you??  I would venture to guess, not very many.

Sniff.

Anyway, sure, I would love to kiss you, who the hell wouldn't?? But, come on, dude, I barely know you.  Get over yourself.  I love you more than the earth and moon, but I'm not gonna be an easy slut even for YOU dammit.  You'd have to ask me REALLLL nicely first.  Hell, if I WERE an easy slut, I would have gone back to Neal's hotel to have "pizza" when he asked us all to.  (Not one of those young 20-something's in that group did, either, by the way). So, I COULD have had a nice sized pepperoni to chomp on that evening, and God knows I love to give oral, but (like my Navy boyfriend years ago), Neal's really just a walking glandular disease...and who KNOWS how many women he's screwed over the years.....so, sorry, no thanks, Mr. Guitar Man.  Go home to your young wife. (what is she, #5?? I have lost count). Sorry, my bad.

Sniff.

Yeah, I can be a snooty snob too, sometimes, ya know.

Well, my face hurts, (and yeah yeah yeah, I hear you saying "It's killing ME too!" SHADDAP YOU), and my eyes feel swollen....too much crying...and my nose is running and my throat is sore.  Fun.  I just love having a super "high" of meeting Journey on Saturday and then a major huge plummet to depression two days later with the death of my pseudo-mom of many years...talk about living on a roller coaster ride.  Welcome to my crazy world.

All I want to do is lay in bed today.  I don't want to deal with a 90 year old woman who is stuck in some old memory that she thinks is happening right now...(have I mentioned that Alzheimers sucks)? The other day, for example, her eye was a bit red and my mom noticed. She asked Florence what had happened to her eye, and Florence said, "I was riding in the covered wagon and we turned a corner and then I fell off the horse and hit my eye." (She had been watching Little House on the Prairie before that).

So.....yeah......I have to constantly be ready for crazy shit like that, out of nowhere, and I have to try and figure out what the HELL she's talking about, and where she GETS this crazy stuff.  It's exhausting to say the least.  I didn't know what she was watching on t.v. so that would have stumped the hell outta me. Luckily my mom knew, and figured out what she was dealing with, and simply played along, "Oh that's too bad, maybe you should go lay down and it will go away if you close your eyes awhile? I'll hitch the horse up to the post and you can ride him again later if you're feeling better." Florence smiled, "Okay."

But today, I really don't feel like dealing with my own REAL mom right now either, the two of them suck the life right outta me sometimes. They are both very needy, and I just don't have the energy for it right now. I'm too friggin' YOUNG to be a caregiver for a 90 year old crazy woman.  I want to go out and have FUN and TRAVEL and do things that are EXCITING.

When I feel better, of course.  Not today.

You may be wondering, who is here for ME when I feel needy? (I'm a strong woman, most of the time, but I'm also human and I do have my needy days).  Who is going to make ME breakfast, and bring ME lunch, and take ME places when I don't feel well?  The answer to that is: Nobody.  Pete is at work all day, then he has a play rehearsal tonight, so he won't be home until after 10 p.m.  My teddy bear can't drive, or cook very well either.  My dog has no thumbs, so she's worthless too.  And though my vintage Mrs. Beasley doll tells me she loves me, and says nice things to me, she isn't very good in the kitchen or in a car at all.  So, basically, I'm on my own.

Yeah, that's right Mr. Singer Man, whatchoogonnado about it, I still have a teddy bear, and I still have a Mrs. Beasley doll...in fact, I collect Raggedy Ann and Andy's too....so, what can I say, I still have a little girl inside of me.  I had to grow up at a very early age, so I didn't get much of a childhood.  And that reminds me, I've always wanted to tell you that I LOVED LOVED LOVED that song, "Little Girl" on that Dream After Dream album.  What an awesome song.  It really grabbed me in my guts.  I can totally relate to that.  Someday I would love to hear you sing that one, just to me.  I'd melt into a puddle.

Well, I'm off to the bedroom, to lay and cry awhile, and just try to doze with my blindfold on...we have skylights in our bedroom so it's just too damned bright in the day time to sleep.  I wear it at night too.  It's the practical side of me, you know, I mean, if somebody breaks in and wants to kill me while I'm sleeping, I don't wanna see it coming.  Ya know? Why would anybody WANT to see that coming??  I'd rather have blissful ignorance when it comes to something like that.  So, blindness works for me.

I'm going to delete all the old entries I've written on this blog, by the way, because now (after our lengthy phone call yesterday), my silly best friend for a million years (Laurie) somehow got me to confess that I write this thing----up until now, I hadn't told ANYBODY about it except Pete---and now she wants to read it for a laugh.  (THANKS A LOT YOU SIVE).  We called each other a sive in high school because neither of us could remember a damned thing.  It just all went in one ear and right out the other side of our heads. We were goofy chicks, but hilarious and fun at parties!

I will tell you one funny thing about my best friend Laurie though....(well, there are LOTS)....but I'll pick one of the many....one day in band, (she played the coronet and I played the flute and piccolo), I had brought a note that I wrote to her while I was in my biology class.  I hated biology and math, and anything other than English, writing, computers, and band class....anyway, we had dissected a frog in biology that day, much to my dismay, and I felt sick to my stomach because of it.  GROSS!!!  The teacher, an idiot who is now in JAIL for molesting teenage girls in the classroom, told us "You are not allowed to remove any part of this frog for any reason from this classroom."  Now, that thought hadn't even OCCURRED to me until he SAID something, and then of course, my rebelliousness showed up and said, "WATCH ME, MUTHAFUGGA!"  And so I taped the frog's heart to the note, and drew a heart shape around it, and wrote "Hey Laurie, HAVE A HEART!"

I tossed this note to her in band class, and she opened it, screamed, and tossed it in the air.  It landed on somebody else, who opened it, screamed, and tossed it in the air...this went on for about 10 minutes, all around the entire band, while our dim-witted band teacher stood there with his muffled monotonistic voice, droning on and on about something we had no interest in hearing anyway....until we heard the "tap tap tap" of his stick on the music stand.  And then the disapproving look on his face, while the rest of us were laughing our heads off.  (And I'm no fool, I didn't sign the note...so I never got in trouble)!

Good times.

Yeah, I guess you could say I'm a wicked sneaky badass sometimes.  And you love me, admit it!

*WINK*

But today, I have to admit, I'm really not so much in the mood for any of those shenanigans.  I'm truly feeling like a puddle of sorrow, sadness, upset and broken all over actually.

I just wanted to make you smile before I go lay down. There's a submissive urge inside me to give you back as many smiles and warm fuzzies as I can, in return for all you've given me over the past 30 years.

So I hope I have accomplished that for today, and I'm going to go for now.

Have a happy Hump Day, and if you DO feel the urge to hump someONE or someTHING, just make sure you 'wrap that nasty rascal' of yours, you germy Troubadour you.

Love, your favorite (but sick) safety girl with an attitude,

Rebecca