And so it goes.....

Well Stephen, I am a failure at sewing.  Yep.  I had 3 hours with a teacher to start and finish making a blouse...but it's still nowhere NEAR being finished.  SIGH.  I have to go back tomorrow and finish it. Talk about embarrassing.  I'm really NOT a domestic goddess at all.  So the sewing machine will have to be in storage from now on, it's not something I care to pursue anymore.  Too fucking complicated.  I don't have enough confidence or math skills to figure it out.  So....stitch witchery it is!  I can definitely use an iron to glue pieces of fabric together, no problem.  But sewing is for idiots and bored housewives.  I am neither.

In fact, I pointed out to the teacher that I could have been through an entire MALL by now, picking out the perfect blouse, in the amount of time it took us to CUT the FABRIC.  She wasn't too enthused about me.  I have no idea why.  (snicker).  But hell, it's the truth!!  I only speak the truth!!!  Can't fault me for THAT!!

Ohhhhhhh boy, it looks like Neal Schon got his ass kicked recently, served with a $50 million dollar lawsuit from his new girly's estranged husband!!!  Wow, I wonder what the look on his face was...I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at that moment.  It seems that a lot of people nowadays think that their actions have no consequences, mostly 20-something's, but are you KIDDING ME??  A grown man?? Really?  He didn't think that something would come back to bite him in the ass if he screwed around with another man's wife??  Seriously??  Not to mention the chick he was (and still IS) married to....what is SHE gonna slap him with, I wonder???  Does he NOT expect her to do anything??  Is he THAT much of an idiot?  Wow.  All I can say is, WOW.

And what the HELL is going on with Deen??? Slappin' his ex-girlfriend around, goin' to jail, and now he's gotta go to anger management for 80 hours of community service.

Does NO ONE ELSE GIVE A SHIT that the awesome band of Journey is DISINTEGRATING????  Right before our very eyes??  It's really tragic if you ask me.  So unnecessary, so stupid and so sad. But hey, I've been saying for many years that men create their own monsters.  Neal is pretty good at that. Seems like Deen has learned a lot from him, too, in the few years he's been with the band.  I would LOVE to sit down with Arnel and Ross and talk about those guys, and how THEY feel about it.  But that would be too nosey, and I'm one of those "live and let live" types, who doesn't want to intrude on something that's none of my business.  That is really why I gave up the idea of journalism in college.  I just could NOT bring myself to ask someone how they feel while their house is burning down, just to increase the ratings of the network, ya know??  Just couldn't do it.

Now, of course, there is an exception to every rule, and on MY blog, where the rules of the rest of the world DO NOT PERTAIN TO ME because it's my OWN little world---except of course, for the rule of freedom of speech---I can write everything that I think and feel and have opinions about, thankyouverymuch.  Even if it's brash, cold, mean, rude, obnoxious, and even cruel.  I can do and say whatever the FUCK I WANT to do and say on here, and nobody has to sit there and read it if they don't like it.  Right??  That's their choice.  And writing about people I care about and a band I feel passionate about, is something I will do, no matter who reads it.  Even you, my favorite singer in the universe, even you.

I love you, and I have loved Journey for a very long time.  But to see those guys sinking into the abyss of wrong choices, bad ideas, and unfortunate human ilk, when they've been so far up on a platform, higher than the other 80's bands ever were,  well, it's quite a long way to fall in many of the fans' eyes. The MUSIC makes ya rise ABOVE such things, when you listen to it.  It takes you AWAY from all that bullshit, and makes you feel GOOD about the world and life, and the choices you've made.  So to have the band members themselves rip that positive feeling out of your hands by doing shit like this, well, it's disappointing to say the very least.  I can't listen to Journey right now, (the new stuff), without cringing.

Poor Arnel, though, what a crock of shit HE'S been dealt.  But hey, he can walk away a rich man.  I wouldn't doubt it for a minute if he has been thinking about doing that very thing.  Who could blame him? Who wants to be associated with idiot men like that??  When YOUR reputation is at stake, you want to get the hell AWAY from people like that who drag ya down into the cesspool.

Like you did.

I did the same thing in high school, once.......and paid for it dearly.....like you did.

I had a "best friend" at the time, named Trisha, and we shared a locker.  When she started sleeping around with all kinds of guys, though, and bragging to me about it, (keep in mind I was a virgin and a goody-goody, and despised that kind of behavior), well, I wanted nothing to do with her, anymore.  So I moved out of our locker, and into my NEW best friend's locker, and from that point on, Trisha would yell nasty things at me when I walked by her in the hallway, she smeared gunk on the new locker, she called us lesbians, she wrote nasty notes that she would throw at me, and just became a total bitch.

But all through it, I smiled.  I smiled at her, big grin, and let her know that it didn't bother me one bit....even though deep down, it really tore me up.  I was crying a lot after school during that time.  I killed her with kindness though, "Oh you poor thing, I guess this is the only way you know how to deal with someone moving out of your locker...what a shame...it's almost as if you think it's the end of the world or something....wow, I guess some people just never learn how to grow up."

Eventually, after a few months, she stopped bugging me.  But I was smiling through it the whole time, even though I felt sick to my stomach, had butterflies slamming around inside me, fearing that she would become physically violent towards me-----I really didn't care if she "turned people against me," or called me a "lesbian," (my retort to THAT comment was, "Tell us all again just how jealous you are, Trish, at least I've got someone to LOVE, you lonely bitch.")  I knew who my real friends were, and they stuck by me, and she gave up when she realized that she was making herself look like an idiot.

Today, if you haven't quite put 2 and 2 together yet while reading all this stuff, is "National I HATE FLORENCE Day."  Didn't you get the memo???  Sorry about that.  But there ya go.

Pete's mother is the devil's spawn.  She may have Alzheimers, she maybe 90 years old, and she may have bipolar disorder too----but she still KNOWS how to upset people, and she does it for SPORT.  She thinks it gives her some illusion of having CONTROL over life, but all it's really doing is putting her into a nursing home on a permanent basis, much faster than if she didn't.

Yesterday she was going to have her hair cut and styled, with Gina, our nurse who comes in to babysit her for 3 hours every weekday.  But, she told Gina she didn't want to.  So, Gina told her that the reason she should get her hair done is because she's going to the nursing home for activity day today. Well, she immediately said, "I don't want to go to THAT either."  So she had already made up her mind that she wasn't going, and I told Pete yesterday that she said that, and he said, "Well, she'll probably forget that whole conversation."  However, she didn't forget.  I told him that she would give him a hard time about it today, mark my words, and he said, "Nah, she listens to me..."  But she didn't.  Even when I said to her that the whole world does not revolve around her, and we have other things to do during the day, and even when I ASKED HER NICELY to do me this favor, she refused.  So, no more favors for HER.

There is no incentive whatsoever in taking care of an old woman.  It's the most thankless job in the world.  The abuse that the caregiver endures is beyond what I'm going to tolerate from her anymore.  I have to make arrangements ahead of time for her to go spend the day at this place, so they can have a lunch plate ready and make room for her and plan on doing things with her, etc., and when she does this shit, it not only embarrasses me to have to call them and tell them that she's cancelling, but it also wastes THEIR time and money and energy, which is ridiculous.  So, she's been told repeatedly that going there was her only activity for the day, but since she chose not to go, there's nothing to do HERE.  She just doesn't want to hear that.  So she keeps cycling on it, over and over, and over.

And now she's sitting there bitching about how we "neglect" her.

Do you see what I mean about how she knows exactly what to say to piss people off, and that I know goddamned well she does it for sport?!!  ANY attention, even NEGATIVE attention, is better than nothing, just like a kid.  Well, I have never HAD a kid, and I don't play that game.

I said to her, in an angry voice, "You've been living with us for 3 years, and I will NOT tolerate hearing those words from you ever again." If she wants neglect, I can give her neglect, believe me, I'll be more than happy to.  During these past 3 years of having her live with us, I have never ONCE neglected her, but hey, I guess since that's what she expects, that's exactly what she'll get.  What incentive do I have to do otherwise???  I aim to please.  If you want neglect, you'll get it.  I'm submissive that way ya know.

This woman is an energy vampire, who needs constant attention. Well, I simply don't have it to give.  Not anymore.  She is standing down at the bottom of the stairs, yelling up to me to loan her money for cab fare to get home.  I just cranked up some Journey....the good stuff....with you in it.  Now I can't hear her. She doesn't want to hear when I tell her that THIS IS HER HOME, and there's nowhere else to go. But soon, yes, there WILL be somewhere else to go, permanently.  So her days here in my house are numbered.  Pete agrees.  He sees how miserable she makes me, but I know he really is in a tough spot. How do you please a wife, AND a mother, at the same time??  I have no answers for him.  All I know is, I'm really in need of getting the hell out of here.  I need a goddamned vacation.

She woke me up at 3:30 a.m., walking around turning on all the lights, talking to her cats, and eating chocolate candy.  I dragged myself out of bed, down the stairs, and to her room.  "What are you doing?" "Nothing." "It's 3:30 in the morning, you need to get back to bed." "But I'm not tired." "Well, everybody ELSE around here IS tired, and it's the middle of the night, and you should be in bed." "But my cat got out of my room, I don't know where he is." "I'll get him."

I go get the cat, I pick him up, he scratches me on the arm, very deep.  It bled.  I walked back to her room and deposited him, and he scratched me again as I put him down.  His days are numbered too.  So I went back upstairs after telling her to go back to bed again.  An hour later, she's still up, talking to her cats.  I turned off the baby monitor.  I don't want to hear it anymore.  I just want to have a decent night's sleep for once, all the way through the night.  Is that really so much to ask??

Well, enough bitching for one day.  Thanks for listening.  I'm going fucking crazy around here.  Oh, and her cat (the one who scratched me), shit all over her rug too.  Guess who got to clean it all up first thing this morning??

Yeah, welcome to my life.  And you wonder why I sit here and chit-chat with ya like I do???

Love you.

----Rebecca