I sat here in front of this computer last night for about an hour, scribbling seven pages of RANT about the hate crimes and hatred going on all around us, (yeah, I type about 120 words a minute), and when I posted it on Facebook, I specifically ASKED people to ADD TO IT, or EDIT IT, and help me get it ready for publishing...and I was very serious about that. I thought for SURE I'd get several "likes," and maybe a few comments today from my friends.
......Insert the sound of crickets here......
The silence I received is truly deafening, and also very disheartening.
This is the only response I received----from all of my Facebook friends....(below). My 6th grade teacher.
That's it. Nobody else read it, nobody else commented on it, nobody else gives a damn.
Okay, okay, so maybe I'm hoping for instant gratification about it, sure, but every OTHER day of the week, I get about 12 or 15 people commenting on stuff I write or post on Facebook, or when I add photos of stuff, meme's and photos I take of my dog and stupid shit like that. Where are those 12 or 15 people now??
And you wonder why I suddenly did a 360 turnaround and went from wanting to save the world to suddenly hating everybody and everything on 9/11?? This is why.
Nobody else seems to care. Nobody else wants to do anything about it. So, as far as I am concerned, this essay of mine---one of many that I've written over the years about such things----will, again, go absolutely nowhere, and accomplish absolutely nothing.
I know very little about Rachel Maddow's show, but I've lost my motivation to send it anywhere now.
When I pour my heart and soul into a rant like that, about something I am HUGELY passionate about, and receive absolutely NOTHING in response from the people I typically communicate with every day, well, it makes me wonder why I even fucking bother. Ya know? Why should I pander to the masses? They are all idiots, and they don't give a SHIT whether this country goes to hell or not. So why should I? WHY SHOULD I CARE WHEN NOBODY ELSE DOES???
Pete's on his way home. His son was discharged from the psych ward today, even though he's still not back to normal...whatever normal is. But at least he's back home in his own room, with his sister and brother-in-law, and feeling much happier about life.
I've been sad all day long about this stupid rant of mine. I feel like I'm whispering into the wind, talking to a brick wall, beating my head against it because nobody wants to hear me. I don't mean to say that I am an attention whore who expected the heavens to open above me, summoning every human being to gather around applauding me for my writing. But, ONE PERSON, and ONLY ONE, commented on it??? Wow. That's just fucking SAD. I guess I had hoped for more than that. I had hoped to spark an intelligent discussion, to motivate others to help me with it, to make it something worth sending to newspapers and magazines, to somehow GET THROUGH to people. But, again, I have failed miserably.
I'm a writer, but apparently not a very good one. It's not from a lack of trying, but it's because I write to silent bystanders who would rather keep their heads buried in the sand. It makes me want to cut off all of my fingers, and never write another goddamned thing for the rest of my life.
Ah well, I guess I should have expected it. I will know better next time I get a bug up my ass like that. Just keep it to myself, and talk about stupid surfacey shit. That's all anyone seems able to handle anymore. I just had higher hopes about the people in my life who call me "friend."
Bye for now.
Love, Rebecca ps. I don't even know why the hell I sit here writing to you on this stupid blog anymore either. You are just as silent as everybody else out there. I know you don't read it.
- Bonnie B
Becky, I am just blown away by what you have written! I need some time to reread and digest this, my first thought is that you need to send this to the Rachel Maddow show. I admire her for her empathy and understanding. This needs to reach a larger audience than Facebook, and you definitely need to condense for the readers who will start crossing their eyes, or just skip by page 3! Becky, I am so proud of you and I hope others will be encouraged to stand up because of you. I'll be back, need to reflect a little bit!
Rebecca
Well Mrs. B., I appreciate your comments, but I just feel so angry and fed up, I felt the burning need to rant about it. Nobody likes being told what to do or have demands thrust at them like this, but I really don't feel like coddling people. Anyway, when I wrote an article for the RP High School newspaper, blasting the stupidity of using drugs, smoking, partying, etc., I was told by a few teachers that they loved what I had to say, but if it was printed, I would get beat up a lot. "The messenger often gets shot," they said. At this point in my life, I don't care---SHOOT ME in the face with a bazooka if you want. Everybody knows I speak the truth.
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