Halloween kink!!

Hi Steve,

I've been enjoying some ME time this weekend, since Pete took our friend Judy in DC up to NYC to see "Pippin" for her birthday and he is staying until tomorrow morning.  He'll drive from DC straight to work, and then come home tomorrow night.  It's been kinda nice, having time to myself for awhile.

I've been keeping myself busy around the house, and I've decided to re-do our bedroom.  Instead of the black/white and light blue color scheme, I'm changing it to lavender and light grey.  Picked up a new comforter/bedding set and a rug, so I just gotta get some paint, and move some things around and put away clothes.  I'll take before and after pics for ya.  That is my project for this week.  I know, I am weird, I'm the type of person that always has to have a few projects going on all the time.

Anyway, I attended a BDSM Halloween party Saturday, with my friend Julie.  She and I had a fun time socializing with our friends Karl and Fran, too.  They are swingers as well as into kink play, so Julie has been with them both sexually, and I've actually given Karl a BJ, so we're all CLOSE friends, if you get my drift.  They dressed as "Spock and his bitch," (Karl was Spock, Fran wore a red dress), and they won the contest later in the evening.  I showed up dressed in shiny gold disco boots, white tights, a white tutu with a gold skirt over the top, and a MINION t-shirt (from "Despicable Me,") and of course, one of my Minion mini-hats!!

Problem was, the kink community here in Pittsburgh really doesn't have a lotta kids, so they thought I was just some kind of one-eyed monster.  So, I changed my costume to the game of Twister!  Yep, a white tank top dress with colored dots all over it, and a cardboard "spinner" hat, that looks just like the one in the real game.  People at the party had a blast grabbing my nether regions or putting their hands on me as they yelled "Left hand RED!"  I pointed out to a few people that, the yellow dots were in the center of my chest, and the blue were on the right, and when you combine the two, you get GREEN, and green means GO BABY GO! hehehehehehehe  It was a big hit.

We all sat naked in the hot tub for awhile, but this new guy whom I've never met before kept pawing on me, playing with my boobs, and rubbing my shoulders, kissing my neck, etc., and frankly it was getting on my nerves.  I mean, hey, I'm all for meeting new people at these events, sure, and who doesn't like having shoulders rubbed, or boobies played with?!!  But this guy didn't even ASK.  I mean, how's about some BACKGROUND info, ya know?  He looked all of 25, but swore he was 40....he showed Julie his drivers license to prove it.  I still don't buy it though.

He told me he had heard that I taught a class about blow jobs----a great opening line if I've ever heard one----because it's true-----but, like an idiot, I made the mistake of talking to him about it.  (Silly me. I just ASSUMED he could handle it).  After that, he was just all touchy-feely, following me around like a lost puppy, and I was like, "Dude, you're too needy, I am repulsed, get away from me."  When somebody is like, overboard with touchy-feely, you just somehow know that he's wanting YOU to do it back to HIM, too.  But I didn't.  He wanted to make out.  I didn't.  I kinda gave him the heave ho, by informing him rather coldly that "this is not a swingers party my friend."

It was only his second event, and he knows nothing at all about kink.  Needy men like that just turn me right off.  I was waiting for him to say, "TEACH ME how to be kinky!! I want to be a DOM!"--------because that is THE absolute WORST thing you could EVER say to me.  Well, that, and "Cunt." (That there's what I call a fightin' word).  I get the creeps from guys who are all whiny-assed and wimpy and want me to "teach" them.

Get off your dead ass, and LEARN it on your own time....ya know? I can't teach some guy how to be "Dominant," when I am 110% SUBMISSIVE.  I don't know HOW to be "Dominant."  DUH!!!  I mean, I can be bossy, sure....I can be ballsy, no doubt about it....but I am NOT a Dom, nor can I teach anyone how to BE one.  It's just common damned sense.

Stephen, you just have no idea how many times I have been asked that over the years.  Wayyyyyy more than I care to remember, that's for sure.  It's the biggest turn off EVER.

Julie had a nice time, though, she took Mr. Needy to a private room and had some oral.  I just don't know how she can jump into a bed without really KNOWING the guy first, but okay, whatever floats yer boat I guess.

I couldn't do that. "Oh, hello, you're new here, let's just go screw" just is NOT in my vocabulary.  Maybe I'm just too uptight, or old fashioned. (HA!)

That's just how I roll.  Got ta know SUMTHIN' aboutcha, like how many STD's and viruses are you giving me right now?!! ICK!!!!  I am too much of a germophobe to just hop into the sack and go to it with someone I just met.  Any person, male OR female, who ever DARES to give ME herpes, better take out a life insurance policy for their loved ones, because I would have to KILL them---or at least fuck them up real hard in so many other ways.  Miss Becky don't play.  She be fuckin' you up, if you try to give her herpes.  She be ALL up in your face, givin' you a nasty ass-whoopin'.  Mmmm hmmm.

Now....I will say this.....if Karl talked with Pete about it first, and Pete said it was ok with him, I would totally "TAP that thang." Ohhhh yes I would.  Karl is a good looking schmo, he's sexy, and he's funny too.  I know him, and his wife, and so we are all buddy/pals, and hey, why not, he enjoyed the BJ very much so that's half the battle that I have already won!

I had told him before I began that, "I know I look all mild mannered and harmless and stuff, but I actually have....some SKILLS....that might blow your mind."  And afterwards, he whispered, "You....DO.... have.....SKILLS...."  And then he fell asleep.  YAYYYYY!!  Sucked the life right outta his ass.  WOOOOOO!!!  Fran said, "Thank you for that, 'cause I am just too damn tired to do it tonight!"  I love it when a wife is cool with me giving her hubster a bj.  It's just magical!!

Mmmmmuuuuuhahahahaha!!! That's the BEST feeling in the world, (for me), knowing I just put a man to sleep very happily in the midst of an orgasmic explosion of yay.  I feel like it's a victory of sorts.  Like, "HA!! Take THAT for all the centuries of misconduct by men toward women everywhere! Now you will SLEEP and I can get on with saving the universe!"  And then I drink some water, brush my teeth, gargle with mouthwash and get busy doing other things.  It's kinda like the same idea as putting a crying baby to sleep and FINALLY being able to get to the house work...only, unlike the domestic "bliss" that some women and mothers have to deal with, blow jobs are LOTS more fun.

Anyway, ahem.....sorry, sometimes I just get carried away about that subject.  Yeah, I'm a bit of an odd duck, I guess you could say, because that bj thing is really my favorite hobby.  Ok, moving on.....

So the party was fun, I didn't get to play or anything, but Karl COULD have tied all 3 of us women up and had some nasty mean fun if he had wanted to.  He just didn't ask.  And I'm too much of a LADY (HA!) to walk up to him and say, "Can you please beat my ass?"  It just doesn't occur to me to ask such a thing.  I'm the type of subbie who needs to be invited, or just grabbed by the hair, and TOLD that I'm going to get my ass beaten.  THAT is a turn ON.  Just take me, be Dominant, and make me do whatever you want. Is that too much to ask?!!  Geez.

I think if more men KNEW that about me, I'd have a LOT more fun in life.  I really do.

Is it the lack of "challenge," I wonder, that men need?!  Because subbie's are pretty much a sure thing.  Maybe that takes all the macho wind out of their sails, I don't know.  I just know it is very annoying.

Fran jokes that, even when she wears her rhinestone "Fuck me" necklace (it actually spells out those words), she never gets propositioned.  She said even if she carried an actual SIGN around that said "Please fuck me" on it, nobody would notice.  But here's the irony....if you're sitting in your grubby blue jeans, hair a mess, no makeup, and wearing a frumpy sweat shirt with no bra, with no toys and no intention of actually participating in the BDSM play-----THAT is when you get noticed.  THAT is when your hair legs that you didn't THINK you needed to shave because you weren't going to get naked at this party, suddenly embarrass the shit out of you.  Sheesh.  It's true.  Murphy's Law, even in BDSM. (SMH)  Oh woe is me.

So what.  I am submissive.  That doesn't mean I'm a goddamned door mat.  You cannot just wipe your nasty muddy feet all over me and expect me to worship your cock in return, ya know?  Not gonna happen.  It's gotta be a two-way street of respect and honor, integrity and honesty.  Otherwise, hit the road, you whiny-assed poser.   .......Is that too harsh?!  Well dammit, I'm sure you've got your own rules about dating women, so this is really nothing very different when you think about it.

Either you've got it or you don't.  You're either Dominant, or you're not.  Some people CLAIM to be "switches," and can do both, but to me, that's really just ROLE PLAYING.  It's not REAL BDSM.  I'm old school about it, actually, because I believe in the protocol and the "rules" of "Dungeon 101." In Pittsburgh though, they don't seem to KNOW any of those things, and most of the time, I sit around yawning at what THEY think is "bad ass" or "kinky."

That stupid damned book "Fifty Shades of Grey" really messed up a lotta people who think BDSM is all fun and games, and just some kind of hobby to try out.

It's not.  It is NOT a game, it is NOT a hobby, nor is is just something you can "try out."  You have to first do your own homework, find out about YOURSELF and what YOU are interested in, and give yourself the PERMISSION to BE kinky, then learn about the things that you are inclined to enjoy. You have to learn to tell others who do not understand to bite your ass, and pursue what makes YOU happy. You have to be a genuine, REAL person, who knows deep down that your soul NEEDS the kinds of things that people in the kink community do in dungeons.  It is a LIFESTYLE CHOICE, and once you finally feel that you are ready, you have to take the leap of faith and just IMMERSE yourself in it.  And once you do that, there is no turning back.  It will consume you.  And if it DOESN'T, then you're just playing a lame-ass "wannabe" game and wasting everybody's time.

That's my 2 cents worth.  I'm old school, like I said, and my kink family is in Washington DC.  This Pittsburgh "scene" really isn't up to snuff, if you ask me.  It's just not as intense, not as serious, and not as REAL.....I don't know how to describe it.  In Pittsburgh, it's just a "fun social club" where "fat people get together in a room to beat each other's ass."  Ya know what I mean???  It's not considered a lifestyle here, really, not to most people I've met.  It's not considered a spiritual growth of your soul, as it is in DC.  I mean, you don't have to beat a damned drum to feel spiritually connected to others, nor do you need to be into Reiki or any of that crap to feel that you are truly a lifestyle into BDSM.  But, you DO need to be serious about it, you DO need to learn all you can about it, and you DO need to RESPECT IT, and respect those who believe in it as a real-world lifestyle.

I had a dream the other night, about Peter.  He was my Dom before I met Pete.  Yes, I had 2 guys with the same name, in my life at the same time....I know, I told you I'm an odd duck....so I thought that after 5 years of not hearing from Peter, he would fade from memory.  But in the dream, he was hugging me, and telling me how much he has missed me, and would I like to be his sub again....and so we had some nasty wild fun, like we used to, and I was THRILLED.  I woke up feeling guilty as hell though.

I mean, I tell Pete sometimes that "I need some rope."  He doesn't seem to understand the meaning though, he doesn't seem to understand that it is VERY HARD for me to tell him what I need...and if I actually SAY that I NEED something, it's huge.  It's something I ache for.  I really truly NEED it.  But so far, he hasn't tied me up at all or anything, and so I'm feeling frustrated.  I love being tied up.  I enjoy bondage very much.  It's something I used to do 2-3 times a week with Peter.  I don't get that so much anymore, and I'm missing it.  The feeling of being tightly bound into a hog tie, for instance, is so emotionally cleansing to me....so stress relieving....rope really does set you free.  It really does.

When you get tied up, you just can't do anything else.  At all.  You cannot think about anything else.  All you can think about is how tired your muscles get, how happily achey you feel in your groin, how wet you are from the anticipation....wondering how this situation will end, with what implement will you be diddled with?  With what toy will you be spanked with?  I mean, you have a very intense FOCUS on THAT moment, and nothing else in the universe matters.  THAT is what feels so "free" about rope. You don't have to THINK about anything!!  Just lay there, and take whatever they give ya, and let yourself go and ENJOY THE RIDE.

Pete, however, only says something in response like, "How about a bra harness?"  But no, that is not what I'm in need of.  I don't WANT a bra harness.  I want a very tight hog tie, or some kind of awkward physical pose that I have to stand in for a long time, I want a PREDICAMENT to figure out and challenge me....I need a challenge....I need that edge of excitement....

Peter understood that about me.  Not many men do.  Pete does not.  I married Pete, sure, but he does not realize the depth of my request for rope.  I feel sometimes like he'd rather play with other women than with me.  We hardly ever play, here at home.  When we go to parties, he's playing elsewhere with other women and I'm sitting in a corner twiddling my thumbs.  Even Julie mentioned that "she never sees me play at any function we go to."  And yes, I'm noticing that too, and frankly it's getting on my nerves.

So Pete needs to step it up and start having more self-control too.  He has none.  He is like a teen aged boy sometimes, just flying by the seat of his pants, and I need someone who is decisive, stoic, firm and open minded enough to know when I really truly NEED to be tied up....without my asking to be.

Karl would be able to help him learn more, and I may ask him for some assistance.  I just need more.

Anyway, so this time I'm telling you things about my Halloween party, but also things you might not really expect me to tell you....I just have the time and energy right now to tell you things about me and my life that you may not know or understand, because there is a LOT more to who I am than just sitting around as a bored housewife, making mini hats all day long.  Soooo much more to me than that.

Bye for now.

Love you lots.....have a Happy Halloween Stephen.

Love, Rebecca