Ohhh woe is me....but how are YOU?!

Hello Mr. Stephen, you sexy hunka man you....how's life treating you on this fine Monday morning? Well, I hope whatever you're doing, it's making you happy.

Right now it's 1:15 p.m. and I'm still in my pajamas, because I'm biting off all my fingernails, waiting for news about a potential house we want to buy.  I get too emotionally attached to houses, but hey, in my defense, this is my first time EVER at house hunting, so of course I'm rather emotional about it...I'm 42!! I've been in my stupid "nesting phase" since my mid-30's, so come ON already, I want to own a HOUSE!

We spent the whole day yesterday touring through about 10 different homes, and we FOUND the one we love most that would work for our situation.  See, we have both mom's living with us, and lemme tell ya, in a cramped little house like the one we're in NOW, we're all going stir crazy, tripping over each other, etc., so having a BIGGER house is a necessity for 5 grown adults (we also have Pete's son living here with us).

Anyway, so that's what I'm dealing with in my neck of the woods on this gloomy, rainy Monday.  Yes, I get to spend my days with an 89 year old woman who has dementia AND bipolar, (my mother-in-law), taking care of her and wow, since I've never had a kid, this has really been a huge challenge for me.  I mean, I've been SINGLE all my life (like you), even though I've been proposed to 4 times previously. I just never wanted to get married, it didn't seem worth the strife and grief and heartache that most everyone I've seen goes through when divorce looms above their heads.  My parents got divorced when I was 22, but I was only 12 when I begged my mom to divorce my dad, so we did NOT get along AT ALL. He cheated on my mom all the time, and I was the baby who was supposed to "save their marriage." (People in the 60's were really delusional about that shit for some insane reason).  Like a baby would save anything. But, that was the burden placed on my shoulders the day I came outta the womb, and I failed miserably at 22. I guess I'll give myself a pat on the back and an A for effort though, 22 years is nothing to sneeze at.

(Side note: Yessss, now you realize I have daddy issues, and THAT is one of the reasons I've glommed onto you as a sex-symbol-daddy-figure that I want to talk to)....ahhh does it make more sense to you now?!

Anyway, so all this marriage stuff (which I just recently entered into in July), is all new to me, and weird. I mean, just saying "my husband" is freaking me out.  I cringe and crinkle up my nose when I say it.  I mean, sit down and look at yourself in a mirror and say, "My wife and I..." over and over, and try it on for size. You might feel awkward and weird about it too, since you've never married.  It's just plain ODD to say such a thing, a phrase that's never been uttered in my whole LIFE until now, ya know?  And when I hear Pete say "My wife..." I look around the room to see who he's talking about...and then realize it's ME. So, I'm still not quite used to this whole domestic scene.  The only thing domestic about me is that I live in a house!!

So, we're house hunting right now, and it's got me a nervous wreck. I've chewed all my damned fingernails off, I can't think of anything else, I can't focus on anything, we want THIS house, and yet we're not sure if we'll get it.  Our finances are a bit limited, unfortunately, when it comes to mortgages and stuff, so we're trying to be creative.  Pete and I sat up all night brainstorming about how to make it happen, and theorizing about the home owner and her situation, etc., to try and make it a win-win situation for all of us involved.

BLEAH.  So, "woe is me," I need to get myself out of my jammies, and into some clothes, take Florence to the ole assisted living home nearby for her physical therapy (3 times a week), and get some laundry done.  What a thrilling life I lead, eh?  Well, that's the whole "normal life" thing you once said you wanted.  Do you STILL want a "normal life?"  Somehow, I cannot imagine that you ever would want such a boring thing.  But, hey, to each his own I guess.  You've been living a "normal life" for some time now, how about going back on the stage to sing another song or two??

I mean COME ON MAN, Etta James (my alter-ego, I LOVE HER), is in her 80's and STILL SINGING!!!  Tony freakin' BENNETT man!!  Come ON dude, you can still DO IT.  You're only 62!!! You've got another 30+ years on this planet my friend, you need to get back to doing what God gave you as your talent and purpose on this earth...seriously...it might be a carousel life, a circus life, a crazy life being famous and all, but YOU DID IT, YOU WANTED IT, and YOU SUCCEEDED AT IT.  So, pat yourself on the back, give yourself an A for effort, and GET THE HELL BACK TO IT!!

Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth. I love ya, you big stubborn lug.

Love, Rebecca