I just read the interview you gave, regarding the Houston 1981video that you produced, and that phrase "reckless and free" (where you said you love being that way, or prefer being that way, something along those lines), really grabbed me. It stopped me, made me blink, and my heart raced. Then it sent me reeling into how my life used to be, which was much more reckless, and much more free, than it is now. I can't really decipher at the moment if I am saddened by that, or just intrigued at the changes I've been through, or grateful that I'm no longer flying without a net.
I know exactly what you mean by that, though. As corny as it sounds, I always thought that if I could ever really be reincarnated, I'd love to come back as a bird...maybe a seagull...because I love the ocean, and I enjoy eating seafood, and what the hell, I'll even beg for some bread crumbs from time to time as I cackle my lungs out and poop on people sitting on a beach. (SIDE NOTE: I was once enjoying an afternoon at Lake Michigan with my best friend Laurie and her 3 kids, where they started tossing potato chips at the seagulls, and I warned, "be careful doing that, they might just poop on you..." and sure enough, a few minutes later, PLOP, a big white mess landed on my leg! Of course, they were all in hysterics, as I groaned, grimaced and grossed out, and they enjoyed the rest of the day making fun of my self-fulfilling prophecy).
But I digress.
I know what you mean. Reckless and free. When I lived in DC, after 9/11, I was truly out of control. In fact, I had some kind of demon-like death wish of sorts, not really "suicide" or anything, but a wild, reckless feeling of throwing caution to the wind in everything, why not, the world is blowing up all around me, people are idiots and corrupt and why the HELL should I be the only goody-goody walking around this god-forsaken planet?! And suddenly I found myself giving blowjobs in parking lots to men I barely knew, or had just met, just because I WANTED TO GIVE ONE, not because I wanted to do it FOR the guy, but because I simply felt the urge to do it, and I didn't give a shit about what anybody thought or said, I needed to put that damned appendage in my mouth and I didn't really care WHO was attached to it. Basically, I would chat with a guy online for a few days, just to get to know him a bit, and then if things went well, we'd plan to meet, we'd go have a drink or dinner and then afterwards, and IF I thought there would be a slight spark between the guy and myself, I'd offer him a BJ---and what man in his right MIND would ever turn THAT down? (NOT EVEN ONE, in my experience).
In fact, one of the funniest pranks I ever pulled was when my best friend Laurie got out of work at the hospital one evening, and I had just arrived from DC, ready to go out and have some fun, and her coworker Tim (whom she had a wild crush on), came walking out a few minutes later, carrying boxes. She said, "He's moving out because his wife is sick of his flirting, and he's sick of fighting, so he's bringing boxes home...let's give him something to cheer him up..." and she crawled down onto the floor of my car in the passenger seat, and said, "Go ahead, say something hilarious to him..."
I said, "Like WHAT?" but I played along. I drove up to where he was, and rolled down my window---keep in mind I had only met him once before, so he didn't even recognize me---and I said, "Excuse me, Sir, I'm not from around here but I have this insatiable URGE to give someone a wild wicked blowjob---do you know anyone I could do that to? I'm so horny I could die..." and OH MY GOD, the boxes fell all over the ground, and he said, "WHAT?!" and then Laurie laughed loudly and he said, "Who the hell is in there?" and I said, "Just jokin' sweetie, how the hell are ya?" And he walked over and saw Laurie...he shook his head and said, "GOD DAMMIT...Laurie! That was MEAN! I was SO ready to go!!" We laughed ourselves sick, and to this DAY, that's what he remembers most about me. "You KILLED me that night you know," he said later on, "but that was friggin' hilarious...you're an evil bitch."
So yeah, I am not proud to divulge this stuff to you, but I did that BJ dance about a half-dozen times I think. Then something inside me said, "Wow, you're a hot mess, stop that shit or you're going to go over the edge and really get fucked up." So, I stopped doing it, and became completely numb inside instead. The whole concept of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (which I am), is that you go from one extreme to another, it's "either/or," "all or nothing," "good or evil," and there is very little "gray area" to consider. I'm either having an AWESOME MOST AMAZING DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE, or a SHIT-FILLED PILE OF GARBAGE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. Ya know? There is really no happy medium in our ACA world. The happy medium, in fact, is like an elusive holy grail.
So instantly, I went from "wild nympho parking lot blowjob slut" to "Comfortably Numb and Celibate." This was before I met Peter, the Dom in DC who understood me more than any other man ever has (or ever will). I was, (as I look back at it all now in hindsight), not only dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, dying to get my old job back at the Museum, scrambling to work at temp jobs to get rolling again until that day came, (which it never did), but I know now that I was also craving a Dominant man to take control of me. Since I didn't have one, I was out of control and reckless, and feeling like I was sliding into some wicked evil place that I'd never be able to get out of...and I didn't even care.
I guess maybe your version of being "reckless and free" is most likely not exactly like mine...but I do get your drift. So, ok, your quote from that interview kinda jolted me into that memory...so now let's change the subject. You probably think I'm a total basket case, and you may be right, but I'm a hell of a lot of fun at parties!! CAN I GETTA WHOOP WHOOP?!
Here are some photos to distract you from my bizarre confession....
Roadside America is this little place in Shartlesville PA, that we stopped to stretch our legs and take a look...it's an entire world of miniatures! It's AMISH DUTCH COUNTRY! Yeah, we thought, like expensive, tiny wooden furniture in doll houses and stuff! We were joking that "I'll bet this place is the lamest tourist attraction EVER, and let's go see how DUSTY and OLD everything is..." But, the thing is, that place was COOL!! We loved it!!
Here's the building where this world of miniatures is located...
Here is just one SMALL section of this HUGE warehouse full of an entire WORLD that is completely miniature, and so detailed, it looks like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting...
I mean, isn't that COOL?! The guy who created this place opened it to the public in 1930, and it's been there ever since...with updates over many years, until he died in 1968. He created, built, and painted everything himself, he animated some things (cows heads bowing to eat from a trough, lights blinking, music playing in a saloon, etc)., and they even had a "night time" show where there were stars in the sky, and a spot light on the Statue of Liberty as "God Bless America" played overhead.
Check out this miniature church, the detail is amazing...
Okay, so I took lots more pictures of that place, but you get the idea, I'll spare you this time.
Moving on to Pete's class reunion....we drove to Ridgeville New Jersey and stayed at the Marriott Hotel, where the reunion was held on Saturday night. This is Pete and I at his pre-party picnic...
Later in the evening, we got all dressed up and headed down to the reunion. They had this cool 1970's theme going on, with cardboard cut-outs all around the room, and a huge dance floor, catered food, and a DJ (who was rather lame actually). Here's me, with the boys of the band KISS...(I am such a dork)!!
And after that little shin-dig was over----oh man, I went up and requested some Journey, and the DJ played "Don't Stop Believin'," to which Pete and his friends at our table all remarked, "You can't DANCE to that song...it's just one of those white-people-without-rhythm songs where you just sway back and forth from foot to foot..." So, of course I took this as a personal challenge, and began dancing around wildly, showing them that they are old farts who wouldn't know a good song if it bit 'em in the ass. My point was well taken, and I was applauded for my efforts.
Then, Pete surprised me by taking an extra day off work and driving me down to Ocean City New Jersey, (a place I'd never been to before), though I have been to Ocean City Maryland many times. The two places are like night and day though, because OC MD is full of drunk idiot 20-somethings, and OC NJ is all about families, and is considered a "dry island," with no alcohol allowed anywhere. So, he booked us a room at a bed and breakfast only 3 blocks from the ocean, and we stayed overnight to celebrate our anniversary. I had told him last year that I wanted to go to a beach for our honeymoon... and as I've mentioned to you before, he took me to San Francisco, which is FREEZING COLD in July. We had fun riding on an old boat that Steve Smith once owned, though, and they played Journey the whole time we were touring the Bay, so that was friggin' awesome.
Anyway, so we had a fun time---short but sweet---and now we're back home to the daily grind.
Here are some pictures of us in OC....
Well, anyway, hope you enjoyed the photos. Hope you didn't get all distracted by my debauchery that I mentioned...I was young and foolish you know...just like you were once...so cut me some slack, Jack!!
I love you Stephen. I really and truly do. With all my heart. And I wish and pray to the gods above that you will once again feel that same "reckless and free" feeling that you miss so much. You deserve it.
Love, Rebecca
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