Josh Groban concert....and PMS

Hello Stephen,

I'm not sure if I ever shared this "cheesecake" photo of myself with you before or not, but what the heck. My friend Tim in DC took a bunch of these types of photos for me, to give to Pete one year for Valentines' Day.  This was one of my favorites.  I just thought I would send you a photo so you can look at me while I'm writing to ya, it's not as good as a virtual chat face-to-face on the iPhone perhaps, but it's the best I can do.

Yeah, you guessed it, my last post was PMS.  Sorry, I tend to get completely zonked in the brain when this stupid period comes around.  I wish I could share exactly how my brain works during this time, but it's too complicated even for me to figure out.

All I know is, I get highly emotional, (I got teary eyed and choked up when I realized that today, in 1944, Anne Frank and her family were captured by the Gestapo and sent to Westerbork concentration camp...and then a few weeks later, on the very last transport, to Auschwitz, and to Bergen-Belsen camp, where Anne and her sister Margot died from typhus only a few weeks before liberation).

Then I thought about Miep, and how every year on this day, shut her curtains, turn off the t.v., unplug the telephone, and refused to answer the door...she would put black cloth over all the mirrors, and light candles for her friends, and pray for them.  That is what she did every year on this day.

God I really miss her.  It makes me really want to cry, even as I write this.

And yes, I get highly perturbed about things, that fester and grow into bigger issues than they really are. I get annoyed at the tiniest things, and I am uber-sensitive to everything anybody says to me---even if they are only joking, I tend to get all riled up and upset, or I take it wrong, or too personally, etc., and I am grouchy because of it.

My mother, for instance, bought some items at a flea market a few days ago, and put the items into a box, that we had put in the car trunk.  However, she has since misplaced that box of stuff, and is continually saying to me, "Find my box."  After several hours of hearing this whining, I finally snapped at her, "Find your OWN goddamned box, I'm BUSY with THIS STUPID PARTY COMING UP."  She looked shocked, and said, "Alrighty then..." and went down to her basement bedroom.  I felt bad, but at the same time, she kept asking and asking and asking, "where's that box? I need that box of stuff! Help me find that box!" until I finally just snapped.  I have since apologized, but it's that sort of thing that just drives me into PMS hell.

So, last night, Pete took me, and his mom and my mom to see Josh Groban in concert. They had a blast, and it was VERY enjoyable---I loved every minute of it---and we really had a wonderful time.  I took some pictures...this one is of my mom, me and Florence (Pete's mom).  She's the one having a birthday party next weekend, she's turning 90. This was before the show began...

(NOTE: I just tried to upload a video of the opening song, but it said there was an error.  

Sorry about that.  I'll try again tomorrow).

So when the show ended, we needed the ladies room, and as we made our way there, I asked Pete if he would buy me a tour book as a souvenir.  He said he didn't know even if there were any vendors still open---so I took that as a "sorry, not gonna happen."  When I came out of the restroom, I walked around to see if there were any vendors, and I found one way around a corner, so I bought a tour book and a CD of a pianist who opened for Josh Groban, named "Elew." (His last name is "Minations"...but I think that's probably NOT his real name...)  He was awesome though.

I gathered the mom's and Pete had gone to get the car to meet us outside and pick us up.  When I got there, he said, "I got you a tour book and Elew CD."  I said, "OH!! I didn't think you were going to get anything, I just bought the same thing!"  That's when he blew up at me, "I TOLD YOU I WOULD GET YOU ONE! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!" He was upset because our bank account was getting low, and we spent twice as much for 2 sets, when we only needed one.

I very nearly burst into tears.  I didn't HEAR HIM say he would get me one, he didn't TELL me he would get me one, he SAID that he didn't think there were any vendors OPEN.  I took that as a NO.  But HIS communication problems apparently are blamed on ME, for HEARING THE EXACT WORDS HE SPEAKS, rather than READING HIS FUCKING MIND AS HE SPEAKS THEM. 

This is MY problem, HOW???  SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, otherwise, how the hell am I supposed to know what is going on???  He has a very shitty communication issue, and apparently always has.  His previous 2 wives told him the same thing. You'd THINK by the time he got to ME, Mrs. Number Three, he would actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, or at least LEARN from it, or GROW, and CHANGE----but noooooooo.  He hasn't bothered.

So I got really upset, and instantly went online to our bank account, and transferred $100 from savings to cover the goof, just in case anything happened to cause problems.  That wasn't good enough, even though "problem solved."  Then I asked my mom if she would buy one of the tour books, and she said, "They're a waste of money, but sure, I'll help you out."  That still wasn't good enough for Pete though, he continued to yell at me later on after we got home, and just made me feel awful the whole rest of the night.  I mean, I was having a GREAT TIME, up until then.

Then this morning, he starts pawing and kissing on me to wake me up, and (being still inflicted with my period), I didn't want anything to do with him.  The last thing a woman wants during her period is sex. So I pushed him away, which hurt his feelings, and then I did something else that made him say "I wish you would LISTEN TO ME."  I very nearly exploded, at that point, because he doesn't communicate worth a damn, and doesn't seem to want me to use my own brain. Oh, I remember now, I was waiting for him to get the shower going, so I sat down at the computer and noticed my phone was connected, to do what is called a "Sync."  Apparently he wanted to get all my photos off my phone so it free's up some space to take more photos.  (I never delete them after I sync).  

Well, there was a pop-up message on the screen that said, "There is an iPhones update, do you want us to update now?" And I answered YES, which apparently messed up the whole thing because it didn't delete the photos like he wanted.  Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that updating something did that??  I am NOT a computer genius.  So he got all bent out of shape, and said, "You should ASK ME before you go messing around with that stuff..." (But it's MY PHONE...and usually an update doesn't have anything to DO with erasing photos).  I thought I was doing a GOOD thing, helping it along, rather than just having it sit there doing nothing, waiting for an answer.

So, I'm not supposed to use my own brain, apparently, I'm just supposed to ASK THE MAN about little things like that, rather than try to figure them out on my own.  God KNOWS I am only a silly female. I shouldn't be allowed to think for myself.  My bad.  College degree, you know, but I guess Pete doesn't like it when I try to think for myself around here.

Needless to say, I got all pissed off, and didn't speak to him the rest of the morning.  I've been pissed all day long.  Miserable.  In fact, I've started to think about how the heck I would actually LEAVE him if I stay miserable like this, and would I take my mom along?! Or would I just leave her here??  I'd take my dog of course.  Where would I go? I have no friggin' idea. (You got a couch I could crash on for awhile?)  I have just been seething most of the day. 

Oh hey, here's the video I tried to upload....that kid really has such an awesome voice...he's 30 now, but I remember when he first started out, he was only in his early 20's...he told us he was discovered when he was 17, and has been going ever since.  Truly an amazing guy.

Alright, the damned video isn't going to work again.  SIGH.  Oh well, I'll try it again tomorrow.  I gotta go to bed now, but I'll write again soon.  I'm just drained emotionally and I hope this stupid period ENDS SOON.  I hate these damned things.  I want MENOPAUSE!!!

Love, Rebecca