Because it's the time of the Mitzvot. Mitzvah = "commandment," or a "moral deed performed as a religious duty. An act of human kindness." People are coming to Pete and I, more and more frequently, to ask for our help in some way. You can read more about it, if you're the least bit interested, at this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitzvot
So, we currently have the following people asking us for assistance...either financially, emotionally, or just as a boost to keep them going...Pete's first wife, Pete's former coworker, and my friend Charles are all having a very difficult time lately. The beginning of the Jewish New Year is a time, not unlike our regular plain old December 31st New Year celebration, to take stock of your life, and the people who are in it.
-----------------INTERRUPTION--------------------
Pete just came in, and asked me if I had seen Tom Cruise on Sunday.
I can't stand Tom Cruise.
I just gave him a look of, "WTF," and he said, "He and his wife Katie and their daughter Suri were at the same farmers market place that you took the mom's to that day. They just showed it on the news. Did you see him there?" (I took my mom and Florence to Soergel's Farm in Wexford, and we had a hay ride, watched lots of people and kids having fun, shopped a little bit, and enjoyed the day).
Florence on the hayride...
Florence and I together on the hayride...
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Anyway, so to get back to what I was saying...
Pete hasn't given his ex-wife an answer yet about lending her more money. He's still mulling it over, and I am not about to push or nag about it, because frankly, that wouldn't help. All of her belongings are still being stored in his mother's house in Rochester, and we just got word today that someone is definitely interested in buying the house. So, that means his ex needs to get off her butt and get her stuff outta there. How the hell can she do THAT, when she can't afford to rent a U-Haul truck, or a storage unit? These are not the "end of the world" types of problems, certainly, but they definitely are problems. She lives with her mother, and now her brother is now living with them also, so they have no extra room to store anything. The bigger problem, obviously, is getting her to improve her own life. It's not Pete's responsibility to do that, nor anyone else's. So how much "help" is too much "enabling?"
The former coworker is currently staying with us, until Thursday, because he has nowhere else to go. He could stay at a hotel, and he is considering an Extended Stay place, until he can iron out the complex issues going on with his wife. He's talking to a lawyer about it all tomorrow. All we can do is lend an ear, give some (hopefully) helpful advice, and let him crash in a peaceful, no-stress environment around people who are treating him well. That is all the help he has asked us for, and we are more than happy to give that without any hesitation.
My friend Charles, who lives in Memphis, is a jazz musician. A struggling jazz musician who is unemployed at the moment, and his electricity is going to be shut off tomorrow unless the bill is paid in full. I have been there. I've hit rock bottom. I've lost everything. I know exactly how it feels. Of course I can help, and I will. He's been my close friend, (and a romance years ago), and always will be.
I sit here, though, contemplating this "mitvah" stuff, and I feel a tremendous guilt about it.
My life has been difficult, just like everybody else's. I'm no different from these people I'm mentioning, I've gone through these things. But, at the same time, NOW---now I AM different. Now I am married to a loving, generous and probably the BEST man I've ever met in my whole life, who has a good heart, a warm heart, and a soul that astounds me sometimes. He understands where I've come from. He doesn't judge me, or my home town, or anyone that I know who is having hard times. He's been there too. He knows exactly how it feels, and what a huge amount of stress it causes a person. Pete allows me to help my friends financially, whether or not they can ever repay him. I don't ask him very often though, I try to come up with alternative ideas for my friends to help them in other ways.
Hell, I used to go give blood for money, until they wouldn't let me do it anymore---I kept passing out. I've been low, I've hit bottom, I've had to promise my first born child to credit card collection agencies. (Seriously, yes I did). I've even told a guy at Discover card that I was going to jump off a bridge and kill myself, just so they wouldn't be able to collect another dime from me...nor could they harass me with phone calls every day anymore. He panicked and told me he wouldn't call anymore, but that he'd send me a payment plan option and would work with me. I said, "Yeah, sure, NOW that I am suicidal, you are all nice to me. You people are all the same. Money grubbing bastards. That bridge is looking much better to me all the time..." and I hung up on his ass. Oh yes, I have definitely been through my share of hard times.
So.....I feel guilty.....because Pete and I are doing WELL. We are having no financial problems. We just bought a house, with cash. We have money in our deep savings. We have plenty in our checking account. We have the bills all paid and current. Our credit ratings are spotless. We've worked hard to achieve these things---and now that I'm just the "housewife," I feel a sense of guilt that I'm not really able to work to contribute financially---but the main thing is, I feel something like "survivor's guilt." Why the hell are WE so lucky, when so many people we know and love, aren't??
Have you ever felt that way before? I mean, when you first got started in Journey, you had been through some tough times yourself, trying to work on a farm as a carpenter, having dental problems and no money to pay for it----I've read all that stuff many years ago in various magazine articles, whether it's true or not, so that is what I'm alluding to---when you started raking in the big bucks singing for Journey, did you have people all around you suddenly coming out of nowhere, needing help with problems like this? If so, what did you do? How did you do it? I know you'll never answer me, but I am really asking because I honestly don't know what the best thing to do IS, and I don't know anyone locally who is lucky like this, to ask.
Pete and I want to help people. Now, I've had my moment of hating people, sure, (still do sometimes), and part of me says, "Screw you, where the hell were YOU when I needed help?" and "Lady, you need to get a JOB," and "Charles, really, come on, you have to work at McDonalds and Burger King for awhile, it sucks, but you need money....let the music wait a bit....it'll always be there...." And then I feel horrible for thinking those things, and I want to give them everything I've got. I vascillate about it, because it is difficult to decide such important matters that affect a person so strongly in so many ways. I do not like the feeling of "I could help you, but I don't HAVE TO, and I could just tell you to PUNT and walk away without doing a thing." But I also do not like the feeling of, "whatever I've got is yours, I can take care of all your problems, I can enable you to keep doing this, I can definitely help and I want to..."
I don't like either place. How do you reach a happy medium with such things??
Anyway, I have to get to bed now, it's raining like crazy out there.....I just bought some orange and yellow chrysanthemums to plant in our retaining wall mulch area, at our driveway....I've never done this before in my whole life, so I've got NO CLUE how to do it, but I'm going to try. I feel horrible, though, because I spent $57 on 2 corn husks to decorate our front door with, and 6 mum plants today....when Charles' is sitting in the dark with no electricity, Pete's wife is destitute and hopeless, and Pete's coworker friend is facing what may be a very difficult and ugly divorce.
I feel ashamed. I feel like my "mitvah" is a failure. I want to start the (Jewish) new year out right, yet I don't know how to reach a happy medium between the two extremes, and I don't know how to NOT feel guilty about being financially okay, when so many around me aren't.
Bye for now.
Love, Rebecca
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