What's up, chubby pup?! (I have NO IDEA where the hell THAT came from). Ahem. Sorry.
I just planted 6 huge chrysanthemum plants out near the street, in our retaining wall surrounding our driveway. I hope they survive, it's mostly clay with mulch over it. Who knows. I poured Miracle Grow all over them and watered each one, so hopefully they'll stay alive awhile. I've got NO green thumb on either hand. I typically end up killing most plants I try to keep alive. Sigh. I'll need more, though, they are too far apart from each other. I went with orange ones and yellow ones. Might add white too. I'd love to have flowers on the second tier of the wall, also, but we'll see how these do first.
Pete and I had a talk briefly last night, about the "survivors guilt" thing I wrote to you about. He said he doesn't feel guilty about working at Apple and making six figures...he makes more than the President....but it took him 53 years to get to this point in his life. He has worked hard and struggled a long time before this, so now he's feeling like he's deserving every good thing that comes with it. I guess I would agree with that, but it's different for ME because I'm not working outside of the home, so I feel like a mooch, a deadbeat, somebody who is just riding on his coat tails. It bothers me.
Today I helped Charles keep his electricity on, by paying some of his past due bill. He has two job possibilities on the horizon, from a job fair that he attended earlier today and had interviews at. So, hopefully something will come for him soon. He's been a struggling jazz musician for a long time. We were 25 years old when we hooked up romantically, but he didn't want to be "knocked off his path" of reaching his dream, so he moved to Memphis. He's had tough times ever since, his instruments and equipment was stolen from his car several times, his car was vandalized, he's faced eviction, he's had his car repossessed.....he's really been through the proverbial wringer over the years. He's so talented though, I wish he could just get a BREAK...he would really be kickin' the jazz world's ass.
My best friend Laurie is doing ok, she and her husband are both on disability, so neither of them work...but she's got to have surgery soon, so she'll be out of commission for awhile, at least through Thanksgiving. They lost their house, it was foreclosed on, because it took so long for her to get the disability benefits approved. So now they are renting a house, on a month-to-month basis. That is scary to me, though, what if the home owners come along and give them 30 days to leave the place for whatever reason? That's just like I used to live, "without a safety net." I don't miss living like that one damned bit. It's just too stressful. The rug could be pulled out from under you at any given moment, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it.
Our friend Lisa is also struggling, she wants to sell her house because it's too large, but it also has a flat roof, and nobody will touch it. It's been on the market for over a year, with no offers. She has spent most of her life's savings on her mother's nursing home, which put her into a tiny apartment, and she's sold most of her belongings and furniture. She's even borrowed money from us. She had her own business, until the company hired too many other rep's in her area, so she lost her whole career in a matter of a few months' time.
Our other friend Lisa was a teacher, for many years. She was recently fired, (we don't know why), and still hasn't found another job yet. She is very intelligent, very fun to be around, but something happened and now she's apparently unable to find another teaching job in the same area for some reason. The unemployment benefits run out soon, and then she's really going to hit a tough time hard.
All these people, and many others that we know, are having so many difficulties right now....but that's the only way I know for SURE there is a recession going on out there in the world. It just sucks, because I feel ashamed to be the ONLY people that we know who aren't hurting in some way. I've never been a "have," I have always been a "have not" in this world, so suddenly becoming a "have" is really a foreign concept to me. I am still a thrift store addict, I won't pay full price for ANYTHING. Hell, I went to the Halloween store today just to look around, and found something I think Pete and I will really enjoy dressing up as....but I wouldn't buy it without a coupon. I saved 20%, and if I hadn't HAD the coupon, I wouldn't have bought it at all. (He may not even want to wear it, so I may return it).
Anyway, so here comes October. I only paid part of what Charles owes to his electricity company, there's a much larger balance due than what I was able to help with, so I don't know HOW the hell he's going to avoid having it turned off, unless he gets a job. I know it's not my concern really, he's a big boy and can take care of himself, but it just makes me fret and feel helpless. I want people I know and love to be HAPPY, to have NO WORRIES, to be taken CARE of....I don't want them struggling and having too much stress and being unhappy. It really causes me great distress.
Even my own mother lost everything----she was rooked during the first divorce from my dad---she got the house, but nothing else. The payments soon proved to be too much, so the bank foreclosed on it, and she ended up selling it---but she had previously taken out a 2nd mortgage (at my sister's stupid advice), and so she got NOTHING out of that sale. Not a dime. Then she lived in my sister's basement for 7 years, because she had nowhere else to go....I was living in DC in a townhouse basement apartment. My other sister is in England. Now she's living here with Pete and I, in a much better situation, but she still only gets her disability social security money every month, which isn't much. She would never be able to live in an apartment of her own on such a small amount of money each month.
So as you can see, everybody I know and love is having major crap going on in their lives right now, and I am sitting here talking about planting chrysanthemums and buying a Halloween costume. It makes me feel icky all over, as well as inside. Now Pete is talking about "gifting" his mom's Mercedes car to ME, so that I can go trade it in for something I like...(thinking about POSSIBLY getting a Dodge JOURNEY...for obvious reasons)....but if it guzzles gas like a mutha-fuggah, FORGET IT. I do like those "Escapes" though, so that's an option too. I have never really checked into the "Infinity," but those are definitely Journey-related names of cars that appeal to me----and hey, I'm FEMALE----so as long as it's a sleek shiny metallic BLUE, I'll be lovin' it. hehehehehe I'm not very knowledgable about cars.
Yeah, so I currently drive my mother-in-law's Mercedes, and I hate it. An oil change is $90 bucks!! That's CRAZY!! Everything on this stupid car costs an arm and a leg, it's ridiculous. The radio sucks too. I want SIRIUS radio so bad I could scream. But, SEE???? Here I am, sitting here, telling you that I drive a friggin' Mercedes and I don't LIKE IT........and I am thinking about buying a new CAR...... when everybody else around me is lucky to have electricity, or food in the fridge, or a roof over their heads, even if it's temporarily. It makes me sick.
I mean, I do NOT believe in Socialism---I do agree with some of Ayn Rand's philosophies, though, such as "altruism sucks," and "if you earn your own way through life, doing what you WANT to do, not what everybody ELSE wants you to do, then you owe NOTHING to NOBODY." However, there has to be some kind of happy medium in there somewhere, to help your fellow friends, neighbors and family when they need it. I wish I could do more. I feel like a rich pain in the ass snob, and I have NEVER been a rich pain in the ass snob in my entire LIFE. I really don't like it.
I have to go for now.
Love, Rebecca
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