How was your Friday? I hope you've got a hot date with Miss Red Dress!! WOO HOOO!! I'd love to see a wedding in your life, before you croak, ya know? That would be very cool. But hey, I avoided marriage until I was 40 years old, so I don't blame you one bit if you avoid it for another 40 years.
I've been running errands today, and if you've never spent much time in Pittsburgh, (you're lucky)...but you may not know just how INSANE these people are over their sports.
Grocery stores, like the one I go to regularly, are inundated with this crap...I mean, you walk in the front door, then you walk through the produce section, and then you see this in the bakery.....
....and you think, "Hey that's kinda cool..." but then you notice the prices on the baked goods are outrageous. ("I wonder how much Ben Roethlesberger gets from those brownies?" I thought).
So then you make your way through the bakery, and out to the milk and butter area, and you turn a corner, and you see this....
They've got ANOTHER section of Steeler stuff, balloons, t-shirts, soda can cozies, you name it. So at this point, I'm going, "Ummmm....okay....whatever...." But then as you keep walking through the store, suddenly you're seeing Pittsburgh PIRATES stuff, (50% off by the way, because they SUCK), they aren't even worthy of a photo.....and then as you check OUT of the damned place, you pass this....
I mean COME ON already!! I was just about ready to puke, it was so totally "overkill." I mean, we GET IT already, you like the damned football team. Stop shoving it down my throat, will ya?? Cripes. I wonder if EVERY non-native of Pittsburgh feels that way too, or if it's just ME?? I mean, hey, I like watching the games every now and then, don't get me wrong. But I am not INSANELY OBSESSED with them like 99% of the people who live here are.
So later in the afternoon, after my grocery shopping trip, I took the 2 mom's with me to go have some lunch at a restaurant we used to go to a lot across town where we used to live, and as we're paying and ready to leave, I see THESE sitting on the counter top....
SERIOUSLY?? I mean, REALLY??! I said to the woman behind the counter, "Sooo, you have sugar cookies that say Steelers on them, huh?" And she got this huge grin on her face, "Oh noooo, those aren't just SUGAR cookies, they are SHORTBREAD..." (as if that made a friggin' difference). I smiled oh-so-sweetly and said, "Do you mind if I take a picture of them?" She beams, "Oh SURE! Go ahead!" (So proud of herself...maybe they were her idea, I don't know). I just wanted to prove to the rest of the world that this city is insane.
I mean, when you walk down the street do you see LA sports team shit everywhere?? Or SF 49'ers?? I spent 2 weeks in San Francisco, but didn't see all that much sports stuff all over the place like you do here. So, it seems rather....frightening....to me, that all this stuff is in your face 24/7 around here. It's like some kind of CULT or something, that you are pressured to join, or you will suffer the consequences.
My friend Rhonda, from high school, wrote on Facebook the other day that she stopped at a gas station in Pittsburgh on her way down to Virginia Beach, and asked to use the bathroom......but the guy saw her in a different sports' team sweatshirt, and told her with a frown, "We don't HAVE one." So her daughter came in and repeated exactly what her mom had just said to the guy in response, "Well then I guess I'm going to pee on your floor." He finally gave her the key to the bathroom. But can you BELIEVE THAT??? That's seriously how people ARE here, though, they are friggin' LOONS.
One time, down at the Strip District, Pete took me into a shop that sold all sorts of cool stuff, so I decided to buy some red stockings for Valentines' Day....as I got to the counter to buy them, the chick working there frowned at me and said, "Wait a minute, are you a CARDINALS fan?!" I blinked. I looked at her and said, "Um....no....see my boyfriend over there? He likes me to wear sexy stockings and lingerie for him. And ya know what else? Valentines' Day is coming soon. Do you think maybe I could buy these now?" (I am one sarcastic bitch sometimes, but I was annoyed). It was like she wasn't going to LET me buy them if I had answered yes!! Ridiculous.
Yeah, I stumbled on THIS one too, on the internet....and brother, it's the God's honest TRUTH. I saw a bumper sticker recently that read, "If you don't like the STILLERS, you're just a JAG OFF."
Now, you may not know this, but Pittsburgh people have a speech impediment too. I don't know why that is, but not ONE of them can pronounce things correctly. As an English major in college, studying linguistics was something I enjoyed...so I am fascinated by this phenomenon. None of them can say, "Hey you guys," it has to be "YINZ." (a morph of "you-in's" instead of "you-all or y'all). So, the waitress at the restaurant with the cookies comes over to our table and says, "Are yinz ready to order?"
They can't seem to pronounce STEELERS right either, based upon the bumper sticker I saw....they say it like STILLERS...seriously...and that is the ONLY word in their entire vocabulary that they actually pronounce the L's correctly.....for some weird reason, the "L" is lost in Pittsburghese...they don't say "Hold on..." they say "HODE on." They don't say, "I've got a COLD," they say, "I've got a CODE." It's the strangest thing, and I just look on in horror whenever I hear it, wondering if they even NOTICE they aren't articulating their L's right. Maybe I'm an alphabet snob, but it just doesn't compute in my brain to hear such mutilations of the English language.
Oh, and the whole "Jag Off" thing is supposed to be JACK OFF, and they SAY it like, "JAG AWV." It's not OFFFFF, with an F....it's AWVVVVV....with a V. It's the strangest thing I've ever heard. They also have a thing where they say, "N'at." Instead of saying, "This and that," they say, "Dis N'at." I'm wondering if they just didn't have money to pay English teachers back in the day? Who knows. Somebody somewhere really screwed up the English language in Pittsburgh though.
So, whenever I am speaking to someone who is a native, they automatically ask me, "Where yinz from?" and I blink again, and say, "Michigan originally, but most recently I am from DC." They give you that look of, "Wow, never been to either place...it's a foreign land...I can't even go across a BRIDGE in Pittsburgh without freaking out...I'm what they call BARN SOUR ya know." (That's true too, most Pittsburgh people do NOT venture out over a bridge to do anything around here, because they have never DONE IT before, and if they DO, they pack a suitcase because they think it's a huge distance). Sure, it took me an hour to get across town today, but come ON....an hour is NOTHING in DC traffic.
(NOTE: Barn sour is a term, (you big city guy you), that refers to horses who won't venture far from their barns...they've lost their sense of adventure when grazing). Just thought I'd toss that in for ya, in case you had no clue. I am from farmland Michigan you know. Ahem.
Well, so those are just some of my surreal observations of this city in which I live. You may or may not appreciate said observations, but go ahead and say it if you must.....
And sure, you may go ahead and say this to me, but I will just stick out MY tongue right back atcha.
So NYAHHH.
Well, I'm off to the wild blue yonder. I hope you're doing well, I hope you're making music, and I hope you're happy enjoying your life doing whatever it is you love to do.
And give Miss Red Dress a hug for me, tell her I'm glad she's got you to snuggle with. (If she ever needs someone to help, though, just let me know....I'd be there before you can blink an eye).
Heyyyy, maybe a 3-some would be an awesome 63rd birthday gift??!! WOOO HOOOO!
(Nah, you've probably already "been there, done that" back in your 20's and 30's anyway).
You badass gorgeous sexy beast you.
Bye for now.
Love, Rebecca
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