Patrice O'Neal.

Hi Steve,

I don't know if you like watching those Comedy Central Roasts or not (I love 'em), but the last one I saw was the Roast of Charlie Sheen---what a hoot---and there was a comedian on it named Patrice O'Neal.  Well, he died today, from diabetes, at the age of 41.

I am 43.  I have Type 2 Diabetes.  This makes me think about death.  The guy apparently had a stroke in October, a STROKE, at 41 years old...soooo....I'm feeling rather doomed at the moment.

Do you ever wonder which one of you Journey guys is going to die first??  Will it be Neal?  Ross?  Smitty?  Jonathan?  You??  Who's it gonna be??  Do you ever wonder about that stuff??  I do.  A lot.

This new house that Pete bought for us all, is probably where I will end up dying.  We all know that Florence (who is 90) will most likely be the first one of us to die.  If we go in chronological order, then it'll be my mom next, and then Pete, and then me.

So.  Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about tonight.

I sat around our table with Florence and my mom, surrounded by cookies, some with frosting, some with powdered sugar, and candy bars, and all sorts of stuff that my mother buys...and they were talking about how difficult it must be for me to see all this stuff all the time, but unable to eat any of it.  When you're diabetic, you can't just eat ONE cookie, or ONE potato chip...you want a dozen, or a whole BAG.  It is really annoying, because your whole body is rebelling against you, and you're kinda held hostage by it.

I explained that I see a bowl full of sugar sitting there, rather than cookies.  I see spaghetti as a whole plate full of sugar.  If I can fool my brain into believing that it's a bowl of sugar, I won't want to eat it, because it's just POISON and it could KILL ME.  That is how I started out when I was first diagnosed. But, eventually, I lose track of that, and I eat something bad for me anyway.

Maybe I'm living on borrowed time.  Maybe I've just been extremely lucky.  Maybe I should really start buckling down and do what I'm supposed to do.  Maybe I should try to lose weight, too.

Anyway, I am feeling rather down.

Hope you had a good day today.  And I really do hope that you'll consider the invitation for Xmas.  I know it's a long shot, and you're thinking, "Wow, is she nuts?! Like I'd ever go visit HER."

Well, it's a nice thought at least.

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca