DAMN.

Dear Steve,

I'm watching "House Hunters International" on HGTV right now, and DAMMIT TO HELL, the man looking at houses looks VERY MUCH like Peter...my DC boyfriend.  It's killing me.  I gotta get over him. (Pete is at his first rehearsal of the play "Jesus Christ Superstar." He's going to play King Herrod).

So my first step to forget Peter is, to make some Nestle Toll House cookies.  They are in the oven right now.  Next step: bump my head REAL HARD so that I suddenly have amnesia and can finally forget about him.  No?  Oh come on, Stevie-pie, it's only ONE BUMP on the noggin, and then I could just
re-invent myself and be whomever I wanna be! Silver lining, Sir, think of the silver lining.

I really don't know how the hell to get him out of my head, ya know?  It's frustrating.  I mean, this dude on t.v. right now is a dead ringer for him.  Looks JUST LIKE HIM, and it's killing me.  SIGH.  It feels almost like he's right here in the same room with me, ya know?  Like a vivid memory of him standing here, all of a sudden, and instantly, my stomach flutters. (Not only that, but my groin throbs). SIGH.  God, he used to sit and type to me on chat every day, telling me naughty amazing things that would curl your toes.  I'd be a wet mess all day, and I loved every damned minute of it.  I never felt "disconnected" from him, even if days went by without seeing him in person.  I feel sometimes disconnected from Pete, though, because he's gone all day, we don't chat online, and sometimes he's gone in the evenings too.

Good, now the show is over, BUT, the next show is on now, (same title), and they are showing a couple in Alexandria VA, which is where I lived for awhile during my time in the DC area.  SIGH.  Having just spent the weekend in DC, I gotta say, I actually kinda miss it.

I never thought I would, I certainly don't miss the traffic, high cost of living, or rude people.  I don't miss the cut-throat attitude of competition and politics, and the skewed thinking.  (Anything that makes ANY sense, doesn't happen, isn't an option, and gets you a rabble rousing reputation).  At least, that was a big part of my experience there.  But then again, who am I, all I ever knew before moving there was Michigan. (Redneck-Racist-Rat-hole).

So I don't really know which was worse.  I do know that the stress level is like, 10 times worse than Michigan. I've never been able to handle too much stress though, so it was starting to affect my health a lot.  Pittsburgh, is like a happy medium between the two places.  Not as expensive, most everybody speaks English, most everyone is friendly, and they're only CRAZY over sports.  Stress isn't too bad here either.  Cost of living is much cheaper too.  It's just not a feeling of "home," though.  It still feels like I'm visiting.  That's the only thing that feels weird to me.  I've been here almost 3 years now.

Well, as I've been writing this, I've had 4 cookies.  CRAP.  I'm totally blowing my diet.  PETER YOU STILL KILL ME.  And for some stupid damned reason, I kinda miss being killed.  Have you ever wondered why you spend years climbing out of a quicksand, eventually managing to escape with just a little bit still on your shoes, only to realize soon after, that you miss feeling the quicksand sucking you down into it?! GAAAAAAAAAH.  Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic, I don't know.  It just feels that way sometimes.  I want to put a photo of him and I together here on this blog, but I don't want somebody in his family to accidentally find this blog somehow, and freak out.  I respect his privacy.

..........Yes, I do have a sign that says, "Being bitchy and unstable is part of my mystique!" hehehehe

Ah well....what was I saying...before I got so interrupted and discombobulated by Peter??  My last letter to you was in a whole different direction, but I don't remember.  I guess I'm starting to get tired.

Bleah.  I guess I'll end this one by saying, "sorry for wasting your time with this soap opera drivel."  I've never been a drama queen, I loathe unnecessary or self-created drama and soap opera crap, and avoid it like the plague.  I don't know if you're the same way, but it just simplifies my life.  And, at 42, the simpler the better for me.

Hope you had a good day, and will also enjoy your evening. (insert dream music sequence here).....

I imagine you sitting in a cozy living room with thick cushy carpeting, (I prefer hard wood floors), with candles flickering, (I LOVE CANDLES), with a glass of wine, (I'll have a wine cooler), maybe a nice cat nearby, (you strike me as more of a cat person than a dog person...maybe that one photo of you holding a cat is stuck in my head), and soft music playing as you read a book or magazine.  A nice, quiet, peaceful space that you enjoy...I also like to picture you doing all this while naked.  Is that okay??!

I don't see you playing video games on a Wii, I don't see you surrounded by 100 people you really aren't 'friends' with, at a loud formal party in your house, I don't see you being a couch potato, I don't see you running around all stressed out, and I don't see you doing laundry, home repairs, taking out the garbage or washing dishes. (I would assume you've got a maid service).  I can, however, picture you cooking your veggie food dishes, every once in awhile. (You are vegetarian, correct)?  I think I read that somewhere once.  Good for you, I wish I could be, but unfortunately I'm a damned carnivore.

My sister Cathy lives in England, and she and her husband are both vegans.  She made tofu for me once, as "scrambled eggs," and I practically shot it out of my mouth clear across the room.  It was putrid.  Don't get me wrong, though, I love love love Indian food, I love Thai food, Mexican food, Italian, Chinese, pretty much everything...so I can DO vegetarian.  I mean, I do like soy milk, (especially CHOCOLATE), and I love spinach, artichokes, guacamole, lots of veggie dishes (no brussel sprouts please)----but being from the midwest, we're those dreaded "3 meals a day, meat and potato" types of people.  I'm also a carb-aholic, and diabetic, so too many potatoes or high carb veggies won't work.  I do love beans and rice, I love salads, so I could probably convert...I have just never tried.

Maybe if you commanded me to, I would. *wink*  I just LOVE thinking of you as being Dominant...but I do have the women's intuition-feeling that you may actually be a switch, and maybe even bi-sexual.  I don't CARE, either way, really.  Whatever floats yer boat.  I just like to imagine you as a Dom mostly.

CHANGING SUBJECT

I think I will sit here and list some of my favorite veggie foods...(to distract myself)....

Cheerios.  All flavors.  I like Special K cereals too, and Frosted Mini-Wheats.
Protein bars...Atkins brand...but a few other brands are okay too. Granola bars, Salty Nut bars, etc.
I love cheeses...all kinds of them...from blue cheese, to brie, swiss, cheddar, colby jack, jalapeno, etc.
Mushrooms, portobello, shitake, mostly fresh but I can do canned
Boca burgers...they are pretty good, especially on the grill --- and I love grilled veggies & seafood too.
Cucumbers, pickles, onions, tomatoes, lettuce (any), celery, green onions, squash, radishes, beets, green beans, corn, cauliflower, pea pods, bean sprouts, lima beans, bean salads, pretty much anything on a salad bar!!  Usually I order a chef salad, with ham, turkey, etc., but I can live without the meat too.
Olives....kalamata, black, green with pimento, pretty much all of 'em. (great aphrodisiac!) *wink*
Spinach and artichoke dip -----love it!  I love jalepeno sour cream poppers too. (not the cheddar ones)
I make a great Mexican dip....with a layer of cream cheese, Hormel veggie-bean chili mixed with taco seasoning, a layer of shredded cheddar or colby jack cheese, green chiles, jalepeno's, black olives, salsa
I love broccoli and cheese soup or as a side dish, french onion soup, vegetable soup, pea soup, chili
green bean casserole with French onion crispies on top
I am a crunchy Jiff peanut butter fan...I gob it on in a thick layer, with just a LITTLE sugar-free jelly.
I love rye bread the most...but pretty much any breads are fine, I just have to limit them for sugar issues.
sweet potatoes, baked, mashed, au gratin, pretty much EVERY type of potato...but I can't have much.
stuffing...homemade or stove top, doesn't matter to me! (lots of carbs though, so I limit it).
cranberries....ooh, I love fruits...pineapple is my favorite, I like citrus fruits the most, and apples help keep my sugar low. I love banana's but I can only eat half of one at a sitting. (too much sugar). Grapes are the same, I can have a few.  I like blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, watermelon, pink grapefruit, cantaloupe, musk melon, cherries, "ugly fruit," star fruit, pretty much every kind of fruit is great.
Almonds, peanuts, pecans, pretty much any type of nuts...I love to munch on trail mix, dried cranberries, and those "Ones," prunes too.  Oranges are great, tangerines, pears, peaches, etc.
I love salad, with lots of veggies, sunflower seeds, almonds, croutons, I like caesar salads, garden salads, fruit salads, tuna salads, coleslaw, potato salad, macaroni salad, pasta salad.......

Hmmmm.....that's a lotta food. Yeah, I think I could probably convert.  :)  I don't think I would starve!!

Well, if you ever invite me over for dinner, you can make me a vegetarian meal, then sit in your living room with a cat on your lap with candles and soft music....naked...and I'll absolutely love it. YUMMM.

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca