Back to Pittsburgh...

Well hello Stephen,

I am finally back from Michigan, and lemme tell ya, not a minute too soon.  All hell broke loose right after I left, and I was stressed out all week long.  The reason?  Pete and his brother-in-law, fighting over Florence's money.

How do you rich people deal with this all the time? I have never in my LIFE been so disgusted, and upset, all because we have to borrow some money from her to buy this house, but everybody ELSE has to be involved in it to the point of not ALLOWING US to do that.

See, Pete's brother-in-law is Florence's fiduciary power of attorney, so he pays her bills and handles her money.  Pete talked everything over with his mom, then went ahead and took out the money we need from her savings, (with her blessing), but WITHOUT mentioning it to Michael.  So, of course, when Michael learned of this, he went ballistic.  And then the fight began.

It was a douche-bag move on Pete's part, to go and do this, and he knows it.  "It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission," he says.  That seems to be his motto in life.  I, frankly, think it's a load of hooey and I don't like it one bit.  Women aren't taught that at all, not ONE of my female friends had ever heard such a motto, but all of them agree that MEN seem to all believe this since the day they are born.

Of course, Michael balks, "I won't authorize that much money to be borrowed for this house," and Pete says, "I am not ASKING you to, it's going to happen whether you like it or not."  And so I have been pissed off at both of them for being totally ridiculous and asshol-ish about this towards each other all week long.  I finally got fed up and said, "I am going to write an email to everybody involved, to put in MY 2 cents worth." (My family says, "stay out of it, this has nothing to do with you...")  But, I feel that it DOES because I'll be living in that house.

So I wrote that I won't live in a house that tears a family apart over money that isn't even THEIRS.  I also wrote that if this is what being a Hoch is all about, I don't think I like it, and I can and WILL very easily give that last name BACK if this shit continues.

Pete didn't bother to send ME the email that he wrote to Michael BEFORE he sent it, and that's why I was so angry---he claims that we are a "team," yet he didn't bother to run it past me first? What a load of crap.  So when I wrote MY email, I sent it just to Pete, to read it first.  He did read it, and was surprised at my reaction, (which tells me he doesn't know me very well at all), but he told me I should not send it to anyone else.  Well, that's exactly what I would have told HIM if he had let ME read his stupid email to Michael first.  But he didn't bother.

He knew Michael would be angry, but he also knew if he had asked permission, it would not have been granted.  So he went behind his back and took the money without telling him first, and it has caused a big fat mess.  He now says, "don't you see, it was just a mind fuck, I got him to do exactly what I wanted him to do...now he'll want me to sign a legal document stating I owe mom that money, and that's precisely what we wanted. That's the only real "power" he has over anything, and he knows it."

My blood ran cold when he said this.  Apparently I don't know HIM very well either.  And this person, this side of Pete, this deliberate cold hearted manipulator, is someone I don't even WANT to know.  He went on to say, "Now Michael will extend an olive branch with one hand, while holding a club above my head in the other, but we both know the club is made of styrofoam."  So, just as Pete said he would, Michael contacted Florence's lawyer, the lawyer told him that a fight in a court of law between a medical power of attorney (which Pete is for his mom), and a financial power of attorney will almost always side with the medical---which led Michael to decide that a legal document would be written up and signed, stating that Pete owes his mom this money, payable in full within 2 years.  Then he changed the password on the online banking for Florence's account, and didn't tell Pete what it was.  Another douche-bag move.  They both seem to be very good at being douche-bags.

But, hey, that is just what Pete wanted.  Now all he has to do is contact his mother's doctors, get written proof that having a larger house would help his mother medically (emotionally, physically and psychologically) by allowing her to get a power chair to use on the days when she cannot walk very well, with room to move around in, larger living space, all on one floor, with easy access to everything she needs.  She also wants to OWN something, because she feels displaced, she doesn't feel that the house we are currently living in is HERS.  So this helping financially that she's agreed to do, is helping HER too.  That's Pete's reasoning.

I said, "Call the whole fucking thing off, right now. We won't buy that house. I am all done with this."

But he's going ahead with it, with no regard to how I feel.  This bickering with his sister and brother-in-law has obviously existed much longer than my involvement in this family, and there's not much I can do or say about it, to make it better.  So, now I feel like a schnook, because it looks to THEM (with my silence) as though I am "aiding and abedding" his "crime," and now I am "guilty by association" simply because I am married to him.  This makes me feel dirty and disgusting, and sick to my stomach.

I happen to have a conscience.  And right now, it's bothering me a lot.

So, Pete is ecstatic that we are getting our way, we are buying the house, and even though Michael warned of "jeopardizing the family unit," and "going ahead with legal proceedings against him if he doesn't comply," and "offering this assistance to avoid World War III," I still feel that what Pete did was WRONG.  How can I live in a house that makes me feel like I've stolen it out from under his mother like that?  I have never owned a house before, so this is the first time EVER in my life I've even come close to it, but now it's tainted.  Now it just feels dysfunctional and dirty and tarnished.

Meanwhile, during this entire load of crap going on between them, I am stuck in Michigan dealing with all kinds of  depressing stuff---my sister only taking one day off the whole week, (when she has known for months that we would be there a whole week), really upset my mom because she wanted to spend more time with her...the nephews are brats, we offered to spend the day with them taking them to fun places and buying them stuff, but noooo, they would rather stay at home with their cousin (whom they see all the time), than to be around us for a day----even though we live 8 hours away and specifically came to spend time with them.  My best friend's life is going to hell too, she's been living on disability benefits, because she hurt her back and cannot work anymore.  However, they have now deemed that she CAN go back to work, only at a different job that isn't as hectic, but there are no jobs in her hospital right now that are available.  So, she has no money coming in, no job AND her car's transmission just died, so she has no vehicle.  SIGH.

I said to my mom, "So...NOW do you understand why I only come home for a few days at a time, once a year?"  She was upset too, when she ventured down to my sister's basement and found that drywall and insulation and even cedar paneling had been put up, to make a bedroom space for my nephew.  They didn't bother doing any of that to make it comfortable for HER the whole 7 or 8 years she lived there.  Now that she's gone, they bought a pool table, they're building a bar, the bedroom for my nephew is built, etc., and they don't even realize how much of an insult that is to her, or how much it has hurt her feelings.  My sister is very self-absorbed.  Always has been.  Doesn't think about anybody but herself.

Soooooo, this was a shit-filled week of garbage, puke and douche-bag moves that has left me feeling sad.  The home inspection took place last Tuesday, there is some mold in the attic crawl space, and the fireplace needs upkeep, but other than that, everything else was very minor.  So, the assessment is being done, the paperwork is being drawn up to have the current owners fix the mold issue and the fireplace, and cut us some money off the sale price so that we can have the other minor stuff fixed ourselves. Then we sign the agreements and close on the deal April 21st.

Right before Easter.  This was a date Pete chose, just randomly apparently--he didn't realize that it will be next to impossible to find people to help us move that weekend because of the holiday.  SIGH.

So we have 4 weekends to move everything we own to this new house.  I have only just begun to pack. It'll be a friggin' miracle if it all gets done in a timely manner.  He also told our current landlord that we'll be out of this house by May 15th.  So, here comes the clusterfuckery that I knew would be coming soon.

My life is turmoil right now, to say the least.  I hope yours is going better.  I don't know how you rich people can stand being rich, and bickering over money all the time, I really don't.  When you're poor, you don't have that luxury.  You worry about the bills, you juggle things, you rob from Peter to pay Paul, and you hope that everything stays in working order on your car just a little while longer.  These people are like vultures, waiting for Florence to die, so that they can get their hands on her money.

And I am apparently just another pawn in their filthy game.

I knew there were a lot of reasons NOT to get married, but I never imagined all this.

Well, I'm going to get off the computer now, but I'm feeling a sense of dread now, instead of excitement. I feel guilty, I feel sad, and most of all, I feel sickened to be a part of a family who treats each other so awful just over somebody else's money.  This is not how I envisioned married life.  Not one bit.

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca