HOLY FRIGGIN-FRAG....

Hello Stephen,

I was SO going to get on this blog yesterday and pull a fun "April Fool's" joke on you, but instead, we went and put an offer in on the house we've loved since the day we first saw it back in October.  And today, less than 24 hours after our offer, they ACCEPTED!!  So, now we are officially "contingent upon assessment and home inspection."  Both are happening this next week, and after that, we are DONE and ready to move into our new house!!  (PINCH ME....)  No, seriously, I REALLY need to be pinched. A few hundred times. Oh COME ON Stephen, don't wuss out on me!! Just pinch me dammit!! (Please?!)

Ok ok, I'll just have to pretend you pinched me.

I could not sleep worth a DAMN last night, I kept having nightmares about "money pit" houses, flooded houses, and houses on fire, and bugs everywhere....all that fun homeowner kinda stuff....it's scary as FUCK to buy a house--especially in this messed up economy.  I mean, sure, Apple computers has never ONCE had a lay-off in the entire history of the company's existence....but WHAT IF?!  And even though I told Pete, "Well, I guess I'm off to find a full time job now..." he said, "NO, you can't...we are in the top 33% of tax payers, which means for every dollar you make, you'll have 33 cents taken out for federal tax, another 15 cents for state, and probably 20 cents for FICA....so really you'd be making THIRTY TWO CENTS AN HOUR, and that would not be worth it."  I did not realize this.  Ya know, all those stupid "Housewife Reality" shows on t.v. (Kardashians?) always made me feel disgusted, because those bimbo's all sat around doing nothing all day like a bunch of lazy beyotch heffers, and frankly I kept thinking, "Go get a JOB ya waste-of-flesh-buncha-hags."  Now I see why those rich hags don't go out to get jobs.

But, at the same time, I know for a FACT that we're not rich!!  So it's a bit confusing to me, but that's how Pete explained it, so I'm just going to nod and smile and move on.  No job for me.  Ok, I can dig it I guess. But I do plan on taking my new Interior Design correspondence course soon, which I'm looking forward to, especially now that I have a huge HOUSE full of ROOMS that I can decorate!!

Do you think maybe the fact that Pete is playing "King Herrod" in the "Jesus Christ Superstar" play and the date of our house closing is right before Easter, has anything to do with this happy occasion?!

THANK YOU GOD, YOU'DA'MAN!! WOOP WOOP!! Amen.  We really are very blessed.

So that's the scoop and wow, we gotta be packed and moved in THREE WEEKS!!! AAUUGGHHHH!! THREE FRIGGIN' WEEKS?!! ARE YOU INSANE?? Yes, yes I do believe we are. Absolutely. Complete hysterical nuts, the two of us.  And we'll be gone 3 out of 4 weekends in May, so it's going to be clusterfuckery like you've never seen before.  Pete says, "It'll be FUN!" And I just groan and roll my eyeballs....the man is killing me.  I am sleep deprived!!

Will ya PINCH ME ALREADY?!! DAMMIT MAN!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Alrighty then, Mister "I don't wanna pinch you," I'm going to go and put my head into a brown paper bag before I hyperventilate from all this "FUN" that Pete is putting me through.

Bye for now. Enjoy your weekend....

Love, Rebecca ----the new FREAKED OUT homeowner...(we're paying cash by the way, no stupid banks to deal with, no house payment, no car payment...woo hoo!! That means more money for the DUNGEON EQUIPMENT!!!) hehehehehehehehe  (We've got a 2 story barn in the backyard babyyyy, that will eventually become PARTY CENTRAL!!!)  YEE HAWWW!!  I'm gonna ride it hard, and put it away WET my friend!!!  They even said they would leave us the POOL TABLE!! Or, our new PERVERTABLE BONDAGE TABLE, that is!!! hehehehehehehehe