Another angry young woman am I.

Well Stephen,

As much as I love you dearly, more than just about any other human as a matter of fact (except Pete of course...I mean, he gave me a ring and everything)...I gotta say to you, with all due respect:

MEN ARE ASSHOLES.

I haven't yet given in to the bitchy rants that rattle inside my head about these idiot Republicans trying to mess with my reproductive rights, sexual choices, and contraceptive needs.  However, I feel the need is too great now, to simply sigh and shake my head in disbelief.  NOW I'm goddamned ANGRY.

www.themarysue.com

This is a web site that a friend of mine put as a link on Facebook earlier, and I think it's BRILLIANT.  If Republican men are so hell-bent on trying to mess with legalities regarding my twat so much, then I think it's only fair to SHARE all the good, bad and ugly things ABOUT my twat WITH EVERY ONE OF THOSE MEN.

I wish I could somehow transfer my painful first-day-of-my-period CRAMPS to each and every one of them, without any "Midol" or other female drugs that offer relief.  I don't take any of those, why should they?  Besides, if I can't afford even THAT kind of thing for my own health, they shouldn't have to be burdened with buying it either.

I would like it very much, in fact, if God Himself would somehow suddenly give MEN the nasty, oozing BLOOD CLOTS that fall uncontrollably out of their penises during their men-struation cycles.  Can't really fit a TAMPON up the EURETHRA opening now, guys, can ya?!  I wonder how many of these so-called "men" would actually SURVIVE something like that, after passing out wherever they might be at the time they discover such a nasty thing going on in their pants??  My guess:  Not very many.

I will fight TO THE DEATH to keep my RIGHTS as a WOMAN in this country.  I have the right to my own BODY, my decisions about MY healthcare concerns, and I am the ONLY one in control of MY SEX LIFE, MY REPRODUCTIVE ISSUES and MY CONTRACEPTION CHOICES.  Not ONE man on this PLANET will EVER take those things away from me.  If they try, they will rue the day they ever THOUGHT of such an idea.

Now, I have tried very hard to avoid this.  However, it is an unfortunate inevitability that I am going to have to start my new grassroots campaign, which I may or may not have mentioned to you before.  If women can't have these rights, then my platform is this:

MEN CANNOT MASTURBATE ANYMORE, EVER AGAIN, because they are WASTING PRECIOUS LIFE-GIVING SPERM FROM GOD, and if they are CAUGHT DOING IT, they will be CASTRATED.  In fact, I plan on garnering Lorena Bobbitt's support as the new spokeswoman for it.

Furthermore, if men are caught buying, selling or taking any ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION DRUGS, such as Viagra, they will be arrested because they are going against GOD'S WILL OF SAYING "SORRY FELLA, YOU'RE ALL DONE. GAME OVER."  Having sex against GOD'S WILL, by FALSELY CREATING A BONER, is punishable by VASECTOMY.

In addition, if women are fed up with the way their men are treating them, they can and SHOULD become "instant lesbians," and leave men SITTING WITH THE CRICKETS, ALL ALONE, WITH NO WAY TO RELEASE THEIR SEXUAL TENSION.  When the crime rate skyrockets, when the corruption becomes unbearable, when the violence and WARS begin to happen-----perhaps THEN, they MIGHT actually GET THE CLUE that women will NOT put up with their bullshit anymore.

Ahem.  (One eyebrow is raised, glaring at you): Do you have ANYTHING to say about this Stephen?

Good.  I didn't think so.  Better for you to keep your pretty face silent, or risk having it uglied up.

I have to go now.  My blood pressure is sky high and as God is my witness, I sincerely wish I was too.

Love, Rebecca