The Limp Branch of a Paradise Tree....

Hi Stephen,

The subject line of this post is one that I found to be very poetic, and even symbolic, when I heard it years ago.  It came from my friend Melva June, (sister of Kevin Chalfant), who was my friend for 15 years before she died.  Apparently when they were young, she and Kevin were occasionally spanked with one, and I thought, "wow, how strangely ironic, poetic, and symbolic all at the same time."

I mean, think about it---Paradise...and all that it symbolizes....the grandeur of a gorgeous, majestic tree with bold leaves and branches, sprawling out for hundreds of yards, reaching towards the stars up in the sky...and down towards the bottom, the tree has one, thin, weak, limp branch, hanging low, with only a few leaves on it...trying hard to keep up with its peers, but not quite making it.  And for somebody to come along and remove THAT particular branch, to cause a kid a spanking...well, it just seems strangely appropriate, in a disquieting way.  Doesn't it?  I don't really know how else to explain it. Kinda haunting in a way.

Well, I think I may be using it as a title for either an article, or a book that I have in mind.

Lately, with being sick, I've been tossing around a lot of things inside my head, projects I want to work on, things I would like to accomplish, etc., and for some reason, that title just stuck in my head as THE TITLE, of whatever the heck I'm going to do.  I still haven't quite decided WHAT yet.  But, boy when I do, that title is gonna be cool.

I don't know about you, but as I have said before, I really like to read the articles in Playboy magazine. What a cliche that sentence is, I know, but it's true.  The magazine has VERY good writers, interesting subjects, and engaging ideas.  I have always been impressed by that.  Sure, a lot of women are totally annoyed with it, but not me.  I don't give a rat's ass about the nudey photos, but the fact that the articles make a person THINK, is a huge turn-on for me.  Not many magazines can say that anymore.  They are typically just full of fluff, and advertisements, and not much of anything that makes a person THINK.

So I want to write like that.

This blog, (mostly fodder, I know), was simply a way for me to keep writing...even when I had nothing much to really say.  I've had a journal all my life, (I stopped keeping one when I hit 40...I figured nobody gave a crap about a middle-aged woman's daily drudgery....least of all, MYSELF).  But, this blog has sort of served as a pseudo-journal, of sorts, along with the "fan-gush" of enjoying YOU of course, pretending that you really read it, and enjoy it in private, relishing the fact that I will never know, and OH HOW UNCOMFORTABLE that makes me feel...never knowing...but how SWEET the discomfort IS at the same time.  Ya know what I mean?  It's an achey yearning feeling, wishing and fantasizing about it, but at the same time, feeling scared to death that it may actually HAPPEN for REAL, and oh GOD how embarrassing!!  I would truly die of shame.  This blog is just for FUN, for ME, regardless if you ever actually read it.  I've stated that since day one.

So, DON'T TELL ME if you actually DO read it....I agonizingly....don't?....want to know....but I do....but I don't....I really don't know what the hell I would do if I ever found out that you read this stuff.   It gives me the creeps, actually, because WOW I've written some bizarre shit on this thing.  Stuff that not many people would understand, or tolerate, regarding sexuality and expressing it with kink...all about camp... things like that, which I know most people would recoil in horror about, if they ever read it.

But, with all the BS going on around us today in this world, I figured what harm could it really do, to express myself with how I need, and want to be, whether it's sexually or otherwise?  At least I'm brutally honest about it, which not many people can say anymore about anything.  But sometimes, I know that brutality of honesty rubs people the wrong way.  Taking a risk in doing so, however, feels exhilarating to me.  So, I write it.  I explain it like I see it.  I tell it like it is.

But....would the world embrace such a thing, in a book?  Or would it be better served in an article?

One article I'm reading right now, in Playboy, is on page 57....The Playboy Forum, "Demography is Destiny...Changes in America's Population Don't Bode well for the Grand Old Party."

Every time I write a comment on a Facebook "conservative" photo that Kevin Chalfant puts up, (and he does it just to bait me, he's a turd sometimes), I always write the same thing, "If your party has an actual PLAN FOR THIS COUNTRY other than to bully women, children, the elderly and the poor, then I'm all ears...but so far, that seems to be IT, and frankly, that plan really isn't gonna make ANYBODY want to VOTE for the all-white-male-crony club bullies.  So just keep alienating the majority of voters, and see how THAT works for ya on election day."

Well, this article says pretty much the same thing.  I just summed it up in a paragraph.

I can be a very verbose human being at times....I can write 50 pages about whatever, if something is really getting me upset, or if it's something I feel powerfully passionate about....or, I have this weird knack of summing up an entire article in one paragraph too.  So, I'm teetering on whether I want to write an entire BOOK, or if just a few pages in a magazine will do.  It could go either way.

The cool thing is, I'm thinking about writing again.  For real.  Not just on this blog.  And truth be told, I haven't wanted to write much of anything since 9/11 happened.  I didn't see any point in it.  Nobody was LISTENING when I lectured people of all ages at the Museum every day for nearly six years of my life, so who the hell is going to bother to READ anything?  Nobody READS anymore either.  And the old farts who DO read, well, they aren't so tolerant of people writing about kinky sexy stuff either.

It's the same dilemma, wrapped up in a different disguise.....I'm not Jewish, so I can't work in a Jewish Day school, to teach about the Holocaust....I can't work in a synagogue....but the Christian foundation that I did have a temporary job with once years ago also told me to remove the word "holocaust" from my resume, because "I won't get anywhere in this town with that word on that resume of yours."  So I felt the burn from both sides of the fence, as it were, and now I feel the same burn in a different way.

If I write about blow jobs, for instance, so what?? Lisa Lampanelli has an article every month in Playboy and she mentions it occasionally too.  What can I say that is so different, and intriguing about that subject?  The Limp Branch of a Paradise Tree indeed.  Do you see where this might be going?  Well, I'm thinking about it.  Or, it may just be a tirade of one person who speaks for millions of people, regarding the FARCE of our political system and just how fed up we all are with it.  Paradise as America, with a limp branch of greedy political men who are causing it to die.  See?? It could really be used as either idea, and I'm tossing around which one it goes better with.

What do you think?

HA!! Trick question!! If you answer, then DAMMIT, you're READING THIS BLOG!!!  If you don't, then ACHE!! ARGHH!! YEARN!!  Why don't you READ THIS BLOG?!!  hehehehehehe

You just kill me, Stephen, that's all there is to it.  (she says as she reaches out her wrist to you, and hands you the razor blade with a smile).

And again, that sums up the whole "limp branch of a paradise tree" idea, doesn't it?!  Here I am, the limp branch, just another schlub fan, writing to the paradise tree of singers...ahhhhh how I love that imagery....it just makes you feel somber in the presence of greatness.... like you WANT to feel hopeful about paradise being just within arm's reach...but at the same time, you realize you're faltering, failing, drooping, and unable to reach it no matter what you do....and you get beaten down with it, despite feeling like you're still a part of that greatness somehow.

That's how a lot of your fans feel, Stephen.  Not just me.  You are part of us, we love you, we have been with you for decades, and yet, we feel put off and pushed away, and not allowed to be near anymore of your songs, your words, your emotions...you've beaten us with the limp branch of your paradise tree, without really realizing it, or meaning to.  We know you didn't mean to.

But we're still here.  We're still a part of that tree that you grew so many years ago.  We still hope.

You, dear Sir, are my paradise tree.  And my limp branch of a blog is only my attempt at getting close to that promise of hope and peace that you represent to so many people.  You take the high road in the face of adversity.  You keep things private.  You have earned immense respect from millions of people. You are amazingly talented, yet unattainable, mysterious, and oh-so-amazingly SEXY because of it.... you stand for much more than just being a former lead singer of a rock and roll "dinosaur" band.

And so we cling to that tree.  We cling to that hope.  We don't mind getting smacked with that branch now and then, but we really try hard to hang in there with you rising so high above us.

Do you see all the magic in this paradise tree thing?  It can really move a person.  At least, it moved me.

Thank you Melva June.  I love you and miss you every day.

Well, I'm off to my sick chair again.  Yeah, I'm still taking this codeine stuff, and it's working, (knocks me on my booty, makes me tired as hell), but I wish it had a fast forward button I could push.  This is getting monotonous.  Two solid weeks of being sick, coughing my lungs out, and unable to sleep unless I'm sitting upright.  Sux2bme.  I hope it's not turning into pneumonia or whooping cough or some such disease, because that would truly blow chunks right outta my ass.  (Ewww, I really gotta work on my imagery with words...that doesn't really conjure up happy smiling faces).

That "Sux2bme" was going to be another title of something I wanted to write, but I didn't know how well it would go over...would people think I'm looking for a pity party?  'Cause I'm not.  Ah well.  The point of all this is, I am feeling the urge to write again, and that's something I haven't felt in a long time....I mean, sure, I write here nearly every day, and that's one thing, but it's not really writing for being published, ya know?  It's not really "work" because I just write whatever's in my silly head at that moment.  It's easy for me to do that, but it's more difficult and challenging to actually write something that is meant for an audience who might PURCHASE whatever I write.

Anyway, I hope that YOU are inspired to keep writing songs, and putting them together for a new album...one last hurrah....you should do it, and you should be proud to say, "this is my legacy," and just slam it in the face of all the jerks in the music industry that you once knew who treated you so badly.

Give 'em a big fat "IN YOUR FACE" with your next solo album, Stephen. You know you want to.

Bye for now. Hope you have a good evening.

Love you lots....and lots.....and lots more than that even.

----Rebecca