Yes, Stephen, believe it or not, this is a photo of me. The submissive me. A "me" that not many people ever really get to see. I am on my knees, my arms are behind my back, my collar is on, my cleavage is exposed, and my eyes are down. It's not quite the position of "nadu," but it's close. (Nadu is more Gorean but I don't think that stuff is realistic, though some people think it's worth practicing). If I were naked, it would be considered an even more submissive pose. This is one of Pete's favorite photos of me.
Pete actually likes both sides of who I am, and he definitely tries to understand me too. He is rare. He's been married to 2 vanilla women most of his life, and never quite understood why things didn't work. The first one was more open to trying a little bondage in the bedroom, but the second one (who was his mistress when the first one dried up), was NOT open minded about anything at all, and that fizzled after only 18 months.
Most men were completely perplexed and confused as hell about me, (vanilla men), which is why I vowed never to date another vanilla guy again EVER. They just didn't know what to DO with me. They didn't know how to be Dominant enough either. On one hand, I was "in your face," and on the other hand, I wanted to kneel and put my head in his lap. They didn't know that my head in their lap was a way of me saying, "I am yours, I trust you completely, so please do with me whatever you want, I am here to serve you and make you happy...because that makes ME happy." Vanilla guys just blinked with an empty stare, silently trying to fathom what the hell I was talking about.
Dominant guys, on the other hand, would immediately grab my hair, pull my head back, and plant a huge kiss on me as a gratitude for my submission. They might also do OTHER things....ahem....but that would be something---a clue to ME----that says I have pleased him. And that gives me the biggest, warmest fuzzy feeling of safety, security, and love, like nothing else does in this entire world.
When I met YOU, Stephen, that was my first instinct---to kneel and put my head in your lap---and that was BEFORE I even knew of, or understood my own submissiveness. It jolted me. "Why the hell do I feel this urge to kneel and put my head in his lap?!" But, that's exactly the thought that went through my head, and stuck with me as I began MY journey into this intriguing lifestyle. If I ever meet you again, I may just do that very thing...if it pleases you.
But if it freaks you out, like it freaked out most men, I guess we'll just have to be vanilla friends only. As much as you love me, Stephen, if you're not Dominant, it won't work romantically. I know, I know, you may feel heartbroken about it...I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, but hey, a girl can dream. I'd much rather have you grab my hair and plant a nasty mean kiss on me instead, (among other naughty things), but if ya don't know what the hell I'm talkin' about with all this, I guess it's just not meant to be, and I'll have to endure the rest of my life with that sad knowledge. Woe is me.
I'm being facetious, silly. But, you may have encountered some women like me in the past, I don't know, I'm just trying to explain how we are rather different....maybe even "eccentric," in vanilla terms, and that confuses a lot of guys. I wonder if perhaps Sherrie was submissive, and you just didn't have the time or the energy or the knowledge of how to properly guide her, and Dominate her in the relationship. It's hypothetical to mention it, but I'm tossing it out there as something to consider. I don't know Sherrie, so I have no clue about her true nature. But if she's anything at all like me....
Pleasing the daddy is something I could never do as a kid. Makes sense, then, that I grow up trying to please the men in my life. Right? Psychologically, that makes perfect sense. Even my therapist agreed. And, that also explains why I have had relationships in the past with married men, too. They were good daddies to their kids, that's why, and that is a very intense, strong, almost magnetic attraction for me. Again, it makes sense. I'm not proud of that, but I understand where it comes from.
Maybe you've been with women like me, I don't know. Maybe you DO know what to do with 'em. I like to THINK you do, anyway. In most things, you seem very uber-sensitive, open, sincere, and expressive....things that many Dominant men do NOT show on the outside at all. You don't seem to have that persona, but again, a lot of times people overcompensate for their true natures. You also are a very cunning businessman, someone who is perfectionist and likes to lead rather than follow, and you can often be very demanding with certain things. Sooooo, it is possible.
I just felt like sharing a part of me that people typically don't get to see. Most everyone thinks of me as this bold, brash, outspoken person. The truth is, when you encounter a submissive woman, sometimes she is overcompensating for her true nature, because 9 times out of 10, her true nature of submissiveness is scorned or criticized in society. Women are "supposed to be" tough, and sure, I have had to be tough too, especially when living in Washington DC.
My last post here (before the photo of you and I), was one in which I expressed my anger towards Mitt Romney's "binders full of women" remark, because I do consider myself somewhat feminist. I think that is the most difficult part of realizing and accepting that you're submissive, at least it was for me, to reconcile that part of me, and combine it with who I really am inside. I admire and honor all of the suffragist women who fought and died for my right to vote. I will always cherish and use that right. I believe in equal pay for equal work, too. I also believe that if and when a woman is elected President, this country will actually be structured into something pretty damned awesome.
Bye for now. Love, Rebecca
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