Camp Reunion fun...

Hi Stevie baby,

What a weekend...woooooo!  I hope yours was as fun as mine was!! (Kinda doubt it, but I'll give ya the benefit of doubt my friend). hehehehehe  I'd love to sit down with you, some kaluha and creams, and compare naughty stories from our love lives someday though!  ERMAGHERD that would be a hoot-n-a-half I'm sure!   I got some wild awesome naughty stories that would curl your toes backwards, babycakes.  *WINK*

Ah well, it was nice to see our friends and chosen family at the reunion.  Found out one couple is getting hitched in October, but may not be able to make it to camp this year because of it.  Brought a bottle of "Poizon" Zinfadel wine to the owner of the club as a present---it goes with his favorite Pirate theme, and this year at camp it's "Treasure Island."  Also gave our favorite "Little" a skull and crossbones glow-in-the-dark pacifier, which he absolutely LOVED.  He also agreed to help us with a fun joke that we plan on playing on somebody during the auction at camp this year, so that'll be hilarious...hehehehe....ohhhh we are so devious sometimes....but DAMN do we have fun!!

See, there's this dude who helps with the auction every year, and he's a great guy, everybody loves him, but his wife (who sits in the front row), apparently gets irritated with the word "poop."  Now, every person who gets up on that stage to auction themselves off, typically puts that description in their bio, "No scat play," or "no poop" as a hard limit.  So, it has become this running gag whenever he reads this out loud, he gestures to the audience to say "Poop" really loud, because his wife won't let HIM say it....(I know, I know, it's gross....and I abhor toilet humor most of the time)....but this year, Pete decided to buy FAKE POOP---a whole box of it, at least 50 pieces----so that our favorite "Little" will put one in his diaper, run up to the stage and yell, "Did somebody say POOP?!" and pull it OUT of his diaper, and toss it at the dude----while the rest of the audience also tosses the rest of them at the same time!! He'll be pummeled by poop.  It's going to be a friggin' laugh riot. (At least, PETE thinks it will).

I said to Pete, "Sure, it'll be funny for about 5 seconds, but then these fake turds will end up in the POOL, and on the FOOD tables in the mess hall, and on people's PILLOWS, and it might even make somebody PUKE, so this could get ugly REAL fast...."  but he won't listen to me.  We told one of the staff members about it, and he shook his head, "Wow, you really shouldn't tell me this..." because I am sure he thought the same thing I did.  I will not be tossing one, because of my protest.  I may even bring a disclaimer to hand out to everyone in the audience before the poop toss begins.  "Do NOT take this fake poop ANYWHERE ELSE in camp, please return it after the auction ends."

Anyway, soooooo, we got nekkid, I was tied down to my favorite table with the T-hooks, and had myself some giggles.  Damn I love that table!!  The thing that turns me on is "I can't do anything about it! I can't move! I am totally helpless! WEEEEE!!"  Because, psychologically you see, it lets me off the hook, so there's no guilt involved, there's no pressure, there's no expectations....I just lay there, and enjoy.  I didn't ASK FOR IT.  I cannot be BLAMED for it.  There was nothing I could do.  See?!  Sometimes that rope actually gives a person PERMISSION to enjoy being sexually tormented.  Hence the saying, "Rope will set you free."

Ahhhh yes, the things that go along with the physical aspect are amazingly intellectual and really do take you to a higher level of consciousness.  The brain is the biggest sexual organ of them all.  The mental connection between a Dom and sub is amazing.  It can really be something beyond most people's ability to comprehend.  It expands the relationship more than any other form of intimacy can.

Well, I won't sit here and lecture about it, but it's cool as hell.  I wish I could SHOW you somehow.

Anyway, I'm home now, and had to sleep a LOT yesterday----10.5 hours----because we only had 5 hours of sleep the night before.  I did not go to the club on Friday night, though.  I had a bit of a meltdown.  It was totally unexpected.  But, every time Pete takes me to DC, it's like looking through a one-way mirror of sorts, staring right in the face of my old life.  My old "self." It's very emotional, and sometimes it makes me feel sad and upset.  He was talking to me about something, and somehow the words 9/11 came up, and suddenly out of nowhere, I just burst into tears.

It would be similar in feeling for you, for instance, if you suddenly went to a Journey concert just for the heck of it, and watched other people that you once knew, still doing those things YOU used to do, and realizing like a slap in the face that life goes on without you, but it's YOUR LIFE that you're watching being performed by someone ELSE.  Does that make any sense??  I miss my old life a lot, I can't throw away my business clothes because that was ME...my job defined who I was...maybe that's not exactly HEALTHY, but that's how it was.  I was immersed in it, 24/7.  To have it ripped out of my life suddenly on 9/11 was devastating and unexpected and left me in shock and PTSD for years.

So every time we go back to DC, I see the same faces, the friends I had before, the places I used to shop and enjoy, the Museum with my former coworkers still there, still doing everything I did every day....it's like watching the story of your own life, over and over again, but without you in it.  It hurts.

Pete held me awhile, let me cry, and then I said, "I don't think I can go tonight."  So he went without me, and I just went to bed.  I wish sometimes that I could get OVER IT.  I mean, come on, it's been 12 YEARS AGO...for Christ's sake, how long does it have to keep killing a person over and over like that?  I've died a thousand deaths from that life being ripped out of my world.  I still die sometimes.

Ah well, let's hope this Zoloft and Welbutrin kicks in.  I don't know what else I can take to make it go away.  Maybe alcohol will help.  Who knows.  Something has to make the hurt go away, right???  I just wish I knew what that something is.  I wish there was an answer to it.

Well, I gotta go.  Pete's sick, unfortunately, with a cold. He came home from work early today, and probably won't go to work tomorrow.  I hope I don't get sick next.  Bleah.

I'll write again soon.  Taking down all the Christmas stuff around the house and putting it all away this week.  Getting ready for another party the weekend after Valentines' Day....

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca