Busy weekend....happy Monday!

Hi Steve,

Hope you had a fun weekend!  I look forward to Mondays now, though, because I can RELAX.  Pete keeps me running around crazy on weekends, so by the time Monday arrives, I'm glad to see him off to work so I can CHILL for awhile.  He's not like me, he doesn't need "down time," or time to process things, he just keeps going and going and going like the friggin' Energizer Bunny.  I just can't do that.

Anyway, here's a snippet of the Fleetwood Mac concert.....(have you ever seen them perform)?? They were EXCELLENT!!  I was astounded to watch Mick Fleetwood play the drums....he's SO CONTROLLED, I mean, every muscle in his upper body was perfectly STILL, but his ARMS and hands were all a blur!!!  Very cool.  That impresses me for some reason.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151551125614519&set=vb.777979518&type=2&theater

Here's another one....

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151551092634519&set=vb.777979518&type=2&theater

It was a fun concert, but we left early because we had an early day on Saturday. We attended the 3rd Pittsburgh GRUE.  (G=Graydancer's R=Ropetastic U=Unconference E=Extravaganza!)  I don't know if you watch Lisa Ling's "America" show on t.v. or not, but she did a show with Graydancer and his girl, Poetic.  They talked about BDSM and cigar play, and explained it in an awesome way to Lisa Ling, who knows virtually NOTHING about kink.  I was impressed with Gray, and told him so.  He also has a podcast every week on the radio.

Anyway, so we had to be at the GRUE at 9 a.m., and it lasted until 6 p.m.  It's an "unconference," which means a group of people just gather, then jot down something they feel passionate about, and "teach" a class, or have a round table discussion about the subject.  You can then decide which subjects you'd like to know more about, and spend the day going from one to the next, as much as you like.  W

Gray had what he called a "Fish Bowl," where we were split into groups of Dominant's, submissive's, and switches. Then we were told to think of 2 questions to each of the other groups, and they held the floor to answer those questions without any interruption or comments.  Gray also recorded this, and will use it on a future radio podcast.  It was very interesting.

So we talked about hypnotism at another group, and I had the biggest, most NEEDED, ephiphany of my life.  Seriously, you know how I often come here to vent and talk about my ex-Dom, Peter??? Well, I don't know about you and whether you're sick of it or not, but it is something I don't want to do anymore, either.  I had NO CLUE that what Peter did to me, was NON-CONSENTUAL hypnotism.  If a Dominant wants to use this skill to help his submissive with something, the PROPER etiquette is to TELL the sub that's what is happening, then have a beginning, a middle and an ENDING to the scene.

Peter did this to me on the first meeting, apparently, and every time we met, without telling me, and I didn't REALIZE what he was doing to me at all.

So, THAT is why it has been so fucking HARD for me to get him out of my damned HEAD all these years.  You'd think after five years of not ever seeing him, I would just get over it already.  But THIS is why it has not been something I could successfully DO.

Stupid me.  I thought part of being a Dominant WAS getting into someone's head like that, and that it was supposed to happen that way, and even though I didn't realize or understand that it was actually hypnotism, (he trained me how to cum on command, for instance, and I had no idea HOW he did it), and without TELLING me that's what he was doing, it completely went against all the ethical rules of being a Dom.

And the thing that makes me the most angry is that---when I told the brief story of Peter to the group, they all agreed that he KNEW it would devastate me when he just ended our relationship without ending the connection in my HEAD first.  He KNEW that it would haunt me for a long time.  He KNEW it would HURT ME for a long time.  He couldn't admit that he even MADE a hypnotic connection by telling me that it had ended, you see, because I would have been furious about it.  I probably would have caused him some major shit if I had known.

I don't know if you understand any of this, but the class helped me figure it out, and immediately I asked how the hell to make it STOP.  How do I get Peter out of my head, and out of my life???  Do I have to be hypnotized by somebody else to suggest that I never think of him again or what??

Firstly, the Dominant men in the group were instantly pissed at Peter, for doing such an unethical thing to me without my knowledge. Secondly, one Dom in particular said to me, "every time you think of him, every time you picture his face, or wonder how he is, or dream of him, tell yourself RED, over and over. Just repeat it, RED RED RED over and over, and eventually he will no longer be there."  They said that a professional therapist who uses hypnotherapy might be able to help, but that erasing an entire memory of someone is not the best idea.  Erasing or forgiving or just forgetting the negative things that he or she DID, however, is possible.

Red (in case you didn't know) is the most commonly recognized "safe word" in any BDSM play.  Green is good, yellow is caution, and red is STOP.  All I have to do is tell myself RED RED RED, or "stop stop stop," whenever I think of him or see his face in my mind or if I dream about him.

It's a brilliant idea, and I feel like an idiot because I didn't think of it myself.

You have no idea how much of a huge relief I felt after that class.  The rest of the day didn't even matter to me at all.  I had Pete come over to the group and shake this other Dom's hand for the suggestion, and we talked about how mentally messed up I have been about Peter since moving here to be with Pete, and that HE knew Peter had done something horribly wrong to me in some way but could never really figure out what that was.

Damn.  I was non-consentually violated by hypnotic suggestion for 2.5 years with Peter.  I thought it was just the way a Dom/sub relationship WAS, and I thought it was also LOVE.

No WONDER I'm a hot mess.  Jeezus.  The whole group of people said that it has probably happened to MANY other submissive women that he's been with, not just me, and that he's the type of asshole that makes ALL Dominant men seem like assholes when they abuse their power like that.  They were really pissed, and I was just relieved mostly, but now that it's sunk in awhile, it makes me angry too.

Well, so it was a very emotionally challenging weekend of epiphany and realization for me.  Then on Sunday morning, we hosted a "cheap ass pancake breakfast," which is a traditional GRUE event.  We had 50 people roaming around in our house, it was chaos, and I was frazzled.  But, everyone enjoyed it, and we got a lot of compliments on our home and the way I decorated it and stuff.  That was nice.

So, yes, Monday was a welcome break for me. I am still very tired, but I slept 12 hours yesterday (3 hour nap and 9 hours overnight).  The hypnotism thing helps explain my interrupted REM sleep, all the time, the nightmares, the dreams of Peter that wake me up in the middle of the night and make me feel like he's here in the room, or hearing his voice in my head, or seeing his face in the back of my mind, or wondering what he would think of me now....stuff like that...it was like being held hostage or something, by a ghost.

Anyway, I think I can put it all away now, I can get rid of Peter once and for all, and that is something I've needed to do for a long time.  It's like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.

Well, I'm off to go lay down a bit.  My "aunt flo" is visiting me this month.  (If you get my drift).

Bye for now.  Love, Rebecca    ps. Be careful with that voice of yours, Mr. Stephen Ray Perry, because YOU have this power of hypnotic suggestion too, and you damned well know it.  Hypnotism can be dangerous if used improperly.  Just remember that.  It can really fuck a person up for a long time.  If you ever wondered WHY the hell so many women in this world love you so much, it is because of those suggestions you emanate in your voice, the seduction sounding soothing voice, that gets them to be all subservient and worshipping of you....THAT is the key to why you're so popular. Lots of us are easily led by things like that, and even after you are dead and gone, we'll all STILL be haunted by you for the rest of our lives. Guaranteed.