Stephen, I am so sorry...for the loss of Kellie.

Wow, I just read your message from Fan Asylum.  Here it is....

http://fanasylum.com/steveperry/

Steve, I want you to know that I am so horribly sad for you right now.  Kellie was the lady in red.  She looked so young, and so full of life.  I can't even fathom how horrible things really were for her, and how HAPPY she was in the photos with you, despite the hardships she was going through.  I want to give you a huge hug, and tell you that it's going to be okay.  So, here I am.

I know I'm not really all that comforting because I'm not her....but I do hope that you will forgive me for poking fun at the "scratch" on your face the other day.  I was in a playful silly mood, coming off the high of camp, at the time.  Had I known what that "scratch" really was, I would never EVER have made fun of it.  I hope I didn't hurt your feelings or cause you any upset.  I definitely didn't mean to.

Kellie really was beautiful.  I said that the first time I ever saw the two of you together, too.  When I saw you with Martha Quinn, (aka: "What's her butt" in my post), I thought you looked rather tired.  You say you felt emotionally lost that day, and now I can see it in your eyes.  Much deeper and a shadow of sadness hangs over you, much more than just being tired.

Damn Steve, I want to hug you.

I'm so sorry that you've been going through such a tough time.  I wish I could make it better somehow. I wish I could sit with you and talk with you about her, and know that her spirit would be right next to you listening, and smiling.  It is so totally obvious in that photo you shared with us that she loved you very much.  I'm so glad you had the opportunity to finally find the one you have been wanting all your life, though, even if it was for such a short time.  I really am.  You're very blessed for that.

On those days when you feel emotionally drained or lost, fly over to Pittsburgh, and I'll give you some TLC....and I don't mean nooky or anything like that....I just mean, some hugs, some coffee (or tea), some home cooked food, a nice warm bubble bath, and a big guest room that you can relax in, and the comfort of knowing that you are not alone.

I might be a silly fan, like so many other silly fans out there.....but your message means so much, and the love in your voice as you wrote it all is so overwhelming to me, I can hear it in my head as I read it, and maybe it sounds trite, but honestly Steve, I feel your pain.  My heart hurts for you.

I read this poem at my grandmother's funeral......I hope it brings you some comfort too......

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die. 

Mary Elizabeth Frye

You are loved so much by so many, and yet you have spent much of your life feeling totally alone. That is a heartbreaking story that I wish I could change and make better for you somehow.  You're an awesome human, and Kellie knew that.  She sounds like she was as awesome as you are too.  I'm very happy that you loved her so much, that you're not afraid to be with someone battling cancer like so many people out there who are....and I'm glad that you're handling it with such bravery.  I can hear your tears in your voice as I re-read your message.  It must have taken you a long time to write it.

Every word that you shared with me, (and all the fans), is VERY appreciated.  We are with you, we love you, we support you and stand with you through every hardship you endure.

I guess that's all I can really say right now.  I hope your melanoma has been completely removed, and that you will be healthy and feeling better soon.  Don't die on me, dammit.  I love ya too much.  So believe me, I do feel the pain you're going through.  

By the way, I'm taking a huge risk here, (I don't even believe that you read this blog of mine), but you mentioned that Kellie might be a good "shrink," for you if nothing else---and that was something that stuck with me as I read your message.  So, I want you to know that I am a great listener too....and if you ever want to just talk to a total stranger on the east coast who will keep everything completely strictly private and totally confidential (and I do still have a high security clearance in Washington DC you know so my background check was approved and I can be trusted), so you are welcome to call me anytime.  My cell number is 412-576-6523.

I know you'll never really call, but hey, I wanted to at least extend the invitation, for what it's worth.

Love you lots. Thank you for sharing your heartbreak and story of Kellie with us. HUGS and prayers to you as well.  You'll get through this, and everything will be okay.  I promise.

Love, Rebecca