Life is depressing.

Hi Steve,

I hope you're doing well despite all that rain in CA right now.  This climate stuff is really going haywire everywhere, and it's difficult to watch because there's not much we can do to stop it.  Frustrating.

In fact, life itself is frustrating, and depressing.  Yes, I do take 2 happy pills, thankyouverymuch, but I still have a lot of angst going on.  How can anybody NOT have angst going on in this world of ours?!

My mom has been complaining lately about how her glasses make her eyesight blurry, so of course we decided she needs her eyes checked and a new prescription for new glasses.  Then she complained that she's not sleeping well, and not feeling well.  We attributed that to her c-pap machine that isn't working properly…but her insurance won't pay for another one until September, and nobody seems to know where I can get it repaired.  Then the other day, she said she's feeling "cotton-mouthed" in the mornings, and is always thirsty.

My friend Jeff, who recently died because he never got checked and had diabetes for too long without treating it, inspired me to put those clues together.  Nobody put them together for Jeff, unfortunately, but that's why I thought, "Hmmm, maybe I should check my mom's blood sugar level."  Sure enough, it was 368.  A level of 100-120 is normal range that most people have.  So, in the 300's is stroke stage, and that worried me.  We waited until morning and checked again, and it was 348.  I told her to get dressed, and I took her to the ER.

They said she was dehydrated, so they hooked her up to an IV.  They checked her blood and her urine, and yep, she had diabetes.  No telling how LONG she's had it, but her blood test in January came back normal, so hopefully not very long.  It worries me though, because the doctor told her that she is a "metabolic risk" for heart disease….she has high blood pressure, diabetes, and potentially high cholesterol.  Not only that, but she smokes.  She also has COPD, and asthma.

I don't think I've been a very good influence on my mom, in fact, all my stern "lead by example" lectures to people makes me feel rather shitty, because I dropped the ball on that with her.  I mean, it's usually ME who says, "Hey, want an ice cream from McDonalds?" or "Hey, let's split a dessert," or "I need a cookie."  So, she's been eating those things right along with me, and now she has diabetes too.  I feel horrible.

For ME, being 38 when I was diagnosed with it, the prognosis was good---I was young, otherwise healthy, and got it under control very quickly with medication.  In fact, now, at age 45, I have an A1C (3 month sugar average) of 6.1, and 6.0 is normal----meaning, I wouldn't have it anymore.  So I'm right on the MILD side of diabetes.  My guts won't be as affected or damaged as much, either.  So my diabetes is live-able, and manageable.

My MOM, however…..is 65 years old.  She is overweight, smokes too much, has COPD, asthma, needs a c-pap breathing machine at night to sleep, high blood pressure, and now diabetes.  I don't think I have to tell you that this is NOT good for someone who is 65 and already has a compromised immune system.  In fact, the doctor told her that if she doesn't stop smoking, he WILL see her in the ER again before she is 70 with a massive heart attack, and heart disease.

The diabetes didn't upset her as much as THAT statement did.  She is depressed…understandably.

Which, of course, makes an empathic person like ME feel depressed too.  My poor mom can't catch a break, and I feel helpless.  In her mind, (and in her own words), her life is crap, she lives in our basement, has poverty level fixed income, her health is fading, and now she has to give up the only "fun" thing she has---which is smoking.  She's "lost everything" in her life that mattered to her, and she's feeling like there's really no point in being here anymore.

I can't say that I blame her for feeling this.  It's a mourning phase, when you find out you have some kind of disease…..I'm sure YOU went through this too, when the doctors said you had a cancerous mole on your face.  You go through a period of mourning, denial, grief, etc., because suddenly life has changed and you have to readjust your whole world to accommodate it.  That's how she feels right now, so I have to just let her feel it, and hug her as much as I can.

So anyway, with all this snow and cold weather, (oh, and my mom's electricity is out too, we need an electrician to come in and figure out why), life has been rather depressing for me around here lately.

Ok, well, on that note, I have to drive to pick up a friend 2 hours away so I need to scoot.

Talk to you again soon.  Love you lots….xoxoxo have a nice weekend.   ------Rebecca