I am sitting here, in a lotta pain from my shoulder injury--today is physical therapy, thankfully--and I'm wondering what kind of weird and bizarre happenings were dealt to me through the cosmos lately, and why. My head spins. I think it must have been a full moon, because WOW people get CRAZY and act all STUPID over NOTHING when there is a full moon. (Ask any nursing home worker, or kindergarten teacher….full moons make children AND old people go temporarily crazy).
It is true.
So, because I wrote a joking blog post, to celebrate my two friends whom I love very much, I seem to have inadvertently----or the full moon----caused those two friends to now hate my guts. They have both unfriended me from Facebook, and one has actually told me goodbye in no uncertain terms.
I don't get it. I am a good person. I am a fun person. I like to joke around. Why is that bad?!
Hey, I get it, I mean, coming down from a "high" like a fun week away and meeting YOU is a huge drop. In fact, after I go to camp every summer, many of us go through what we call "camp drop." That is, the fun is over, you're back to the drudgery of your normal life, and your mood is one of sadness and loss, at least for a little while. I wish I could LIVE at camp, all year long. I really do.
So, Kim and Kathryn are going through vacation drop, they are coming down off the "high" and (with the full moon), apparently their moods have also swung into the opposite extreme, and they feel that I'm a scapegoat they can take it out on.
I don't accept that, however. I am AWARE that they are dealing with all that, even if THEY aren't. But it does not EXCUSE their negative and angry mistreatment of me, all because of a silly JOKE.
First of all, Stephen, you know I love ya. You are the only man in my entire LIFE who has been a constant source of positivity, happiness and comfort to me since the age of 10. I love your voice, your kind soul, your playful attitude, and your stoic integrity and privacy. I respect you very much.
If I didn't, I sure as FUCK wouldn't be sitting here killing my fucking shoulder, typing all this, right?
Yes it hurts. Yes, I am ambidextrous----but they don't make typing easy for left handers. I can only hunt and peck with one finger. It takes me all day long to write a text or a message on Facebook if I use my left hand. I started out as a toddler being left handed, but my mother quickly changed that, by putting everything I picked up, into my right hand. I am both right and left-brained because of it. So now I am officially considered right-handed. But, as I grow old, my right shoulder is now saying, "HA! Not anymore, geezer girl. Have a torn rotator cuff and a slap tear on the cartilage!" Woooooo.
And Stephen, my love, if you have ever read this silly blog-o-mine, you SHOULD know that I like very much to joke and kid around and try to be funny. I try to make YOU smile, or laugh. I want to give YOU back some happy feelings for all you've given to ME. This is how I've always been, and I RARELY (if ever) get yelled at for being sarcastic or silly or joking by anyone. MOST people GET the jokes I make. But, I guess everybody in their lifetime encounters at least ONE situation where they just don't get it at all. So, maybe it was just my turn to experience that, I don't know.
All I do know is, it sucks. It truly sucks and hurts to be completely misunderstood by people you once believed DID understand, appreciate and enjoy my quirky silliness.
I never EVER intentionally meant to lose those two people as friends. It makes me very sad.
When I wrote that last post, I was extremely happy, and thrilled even, that they were lucky enough to meet you in person last weekend. I THOUGHT my last post conveyed that, with some tongue-in-cheek joking and fun---joking WITH YOU, TEASING YOU about them, not deliberately trying to cause THEM or anybody any problems or grief. I would never DO that to anybody.
I woke up Easter Sunday morning to a rather snippy instant message from one of them, demanding that I delete the whole post, (and, without understanding why, I did). I was told that they did not appreciate being called a stalker.
Problem is, I never called either of them a stalker.
Now, I had used the word----but in a joking manner. These two friends of mine apparently took offense at that word, and thought I was ACCUSING THEM of being an actual STALKER in real life. Of course, I was not. I was merely TEASING YOU, that YOU of all people, Mister Private Mystery man…..would actually "entertain 2 crazy female stalkers" that I "warned you about."
Tongue-in-cheek humor. That's how I roll. That's how I have always been. I don't know any other way TO be. I'm a victim of my own brain, that often makes grammatical jokes that nobody gets, or spelling a word funny, or pronouncing it wrong on purpose----but, guess what? Nobody understands English major humor either. BUT THAT IS ALL I KNOW.
Toss a mathematical funny at me, like, "3/14/14 = Pi day" and VROOM, right over my head it goes. Or how about the t-shirt I recently bought that has the "WTF" letters on it, and "Element of Surprise" written underneath it? A scientific joke?! Really? I didn't get it at first either. But ohhhh yes, make a joke about Shakespeare and I guffaw like an idiot. Ahhhh Edgar Allen Poe….he's just a Poe boy from a Poe family….THAT cracks me up.
Unfortunately, I have been cursed as a writer. My sense of humor, quirky as it is, doesn't seem to translate very well on a computer screen without some tonal inflection, or a happy face or maybe an emoticon like this:
THIS emoticon might have changed the entire situation, if I had only thought to add it.
A smiling face, WINKING, with a tongue sticking out, meaning, "Hey people, I'm just JOKING."
Would THAT have helped anything, I wonder?
I kinda doubt it.
Who knows.
Now, as a few other Steve Perry fans have reminded me, I COULD sit here and go on about how they actually planned their entire trip to California for TWO YEARS, specifically to go to YOUR home town, to see YOUR high school, to see YOUR radio station (Raised on Radio album cover), to hopefully MEET YOU, and they also apparently knew where YOUR favorite restaurant was located as well---the one you asked them NOT to reveal to anyone. (which they themselves admitted was true).
From all angles, and from my OTHER friends I've spoken to about it, these two women don't seem to understand that, to an outsider, it definitely SEEMS like the two of them pre-meditated and planned to seek you out and find you, to the point of being just a SMIDGE overboard.
Would that mean they are stalkers? Some people might ASSUME so. But I know them better than that. At least, I thought I did. And I thought they knew ME better too.
So I guess, when I JOKED about being stalkers, they took offense, because maybe JUST MAYBE, there was just an itty bitty, tiny, molecule piece of truth in it that they didn't realize before. They didn't think that MAYBE it SEEMED that way to other people who didn't know them very well.
BUT, you see, THAT WAS THE JOKE.
I have known them, and loved them, for at least 2 years now, and I know without a shadow of doubt that they NEVER would do such a thing intentionally to anybody for any reason. I know without a shadow of doubt that they would NEVER disrespect you or cause you any problems, or upset for any reason EVER. They, like me, ADORE YOU. That's all. They were just tourists, sight-seeing, having fun together, and enjoying some girl time away from VA Beach. They had an itinerary like 99% of people who go on vacation DO. They were very good at knowing their way around, and they made sure they saved up enough money to have fun with. That's what every tourist DOES before going on vacation. That does NOT, however, make them "stalkers."
Anybody who really and truly KNOWS them, and even YOU Stephen, KNOW FOR 100% POSITIVE that they are most definitely NOT stalkers. If they had been, you would NEVER have sat down with them and talked to them over breakfast, nor would you have had your photos taken with them. Right?? And that's why I TEASED you about it.
Let me reiterate. I was TEASING STEVE PERRY, I was NOT "accusing" these friends of mine of being stalkers.
As they say in the movie "Office Space," "Uhhh yeahhhh, I'm gonna have to ask you to please implant that into your thick skull at your earliest convenience. Oh, uh, and thanks, that'd be GREAAAAAT."
So-----yes, I was confused by this snippy instant message, demanding that I delete it. However, without hesitation, I deleted the whole thing, I wrote a very emotional apology, and I sent them both private messages to tell them I did what they asked…..even though I felt so upset, I cried all day long.
I couldn't BELIEVE that these two people I thought of as sisters almost, actually believed that I was ACCUSING THEM of being real stalkers. How the hell could they ever jump to that incorrect conclusion, without even having the common courtesy of friendship to first contact me to ASK what I meant, to CLARIFY why I wrote it, to DISCUSS the situation as civil, mature adults. They didn't bother to do that. They simply acted as judge, jury and hangman all in one fell swoop. They just automatically jumped to that incorrect conclusion, decided I am a jerk, and demanded that I delete it, and censor myself from now on.
They judged me unfairly and that has really hurt my feelings, to the point of angrily writing about it on Facebook last night. They expressed THEIR opinion, so I felt I should express MINE.
And now that I did that, they are no longer my friends. But, it was THEIR CHOICE, not mine.
Ya know, Stephen, I thought they KNEW me better than that. I guess nobody ever REALLY knows anybody, do they. But I've busted my ASS to be the best possible friend to them both this entire time that we've known each other, I've gone out of my way to visit, I've made little crafty projects for them, I've sent them gifts for birthdays and holidays, written them on Facebook with jokes and meme's that I thought they might like, and I've really truly tried being an awesome friend.
So why in God's name would they automatically accuse ME of doing something I didn't do?
For the record, to anyone out there who gives a shit: I DID NOT ACCUSE THEM OF BEING STALKERS, I DID NOT ACCUSE THEM OF GIVING BRIBES TO PEOPLE, I DID NOT STATE THAT THEY WERE CRAZY LUNATICS GOING AFTER STEVE PERRY FOR A PHOTO OP.
What I DID do, to those who actually READ the damned post, was JOKE ABOUT IT. I was expressing my HAPPY feelings for them both, I was CELEBRATING the whole thing, by being silly and trying to be funny. It is SO COOL that they met you on a total FLUKE, just like I did. We had another awesome thing in common! I was totally GEEKED! And, I was teasing YOU for allowing them to "stalk" you. I even used quotation marks, to indicate that I did NOT mean it literally.
For the record, I had other people I know read my blog entry, and THEY (who know me very well), thought it was funny. They all got the joke. They knew I was not being a douche bag assholian loser shit. I've never BEEN a douche-bag-assholian shit, and I never WILL BE. Not to anybody.
What then, makes people THINK OF ME as one??? What have I done during this whole time of our friendship to ever cause them to come after me in anger like that???
I honestly do not know.
There must be a huge flaw in my personality that I am blind to, that triggers people to treat me shitty. Maybe I have an invisible sign around my neck that says, "Hey I love being misunderstood, go ahead and be mean to me."
So, while spending Easter Sunday in bed all day crying and upset, I began to think about OTHER times in my life that I've had difficulty being understood by people. In doing so, I came up with common denominators, of certain types of people who apparently fly towards me like a moth to a flame, and completely misconstrue my words, or misunderstand or miscommunicate what I've written or said, or SHOULD have written or SHOULD have said, etc…….so this is what I wrote on Facebook……..
There are 3 types of people who I have pinpointed as being the most annoying to me in my lifetime: they have caused me the most upset, the most grief, the most crying, and the most sadness…..
1. Uber-conservative, rabid Republicans and/or Tea Party politic-followers. I'm just too liberal minded, and though I do enjoy an occasional paradigm shift in my thinking, a fresh perspective on things, and though I do try to see things from a bigger picture point of view, AND even though I often consider both sides of each political argument, it seems nearly impossible for THEM to agree to disagree, or change their own views about anything. Living in Washington DC for 10 years, has taught me that arguing about politics with them is really not productive, not fun, and not a positive experience. Therefore, I try to avoid talking about political stuff when those types of people are around. I have nothing AGAINST them, mind you, I just don't think liberal people like me and that type of person are able to get along very well. It's a bummer though. I wish there was some way to change that, but until somebody comes up with a solution, all I can do is walk away and wish them the best. Then I'll just be sure to vote on election day.
2. Negaholics and/or RE-actionary people. I am a PROactive person, and most of my life I have felt like I'm surrounded by RE-actionary's who never seem to accomplish much of anything. Negative vibes and attitudes have surrounded me during most of my life, also, to the point where I know how to spot them a mile away. And I try to STAY a mile away from people like that whenever possible. The thing about negaholics is that, they don't always KNOW they are being so negative about everything all the time. Even if you try to TELL them, they dismiss you like you're talking gibberish. They just can't see it.
I have beaten my head against so many brick wall RE-actionary people, (especially in DC), that it gave me a massive headache both in the literal AND figurative meaning. I think I am just one of those Highly Sensitive People who cannot deal with those types of people very effectively. I'm too empathic and I tend to take on their emotions, or try to help them solve a problem they just seem hell-bent on never WANTING to solve. My grandmother is a perfect example. "This rug of mine is filthy." Of course, being the subbie peacemaker most of my life, I want to help. "Ok, grandma, I can vacuum it for you." Her response, "No, no, you don't know how to do it right, you'll only make it worse, and it won't make much difference anyway." (My ADULT response NOW is, "so why mention it, I offer a solution, you just want to bitch? What the hell is the point in that?!") I'll never understand that. But so many people in my life have done this, and it just rubs me very wrong. I have no strength or energy left to give those people, I cannot solve their issues, and I canon be around them for fear of turning into one of them.
3. "Vanilla people," and/or Journey fans that act all bizarre……yes, this group has plagued me on several occasions. In fact, two of my very closest friends actually ganged up on me at my nephew's graduation party to have an "intervention" to suggest that I give up all the kinky pursuits of BDSM that I am fully immersed in, and enjoy. (Meanwhile THEY get off on 50 Shades of Grey). Ahem. Soooo, yeah, when vanilla people----men I've dated, or women who judge me as being a slut or a mental moron masochist, when they judge me, I just get all aggravated because I cannot seem to make them UNDERSTAND it. My friend Grace is going through this right now with HER vanilla boyfriend. She told him she had a flogging once, and he went ballistic, because he considered that a SEXUAL thing. BUT IT IS NOT AT ALL SEXUAL, if you're doing it right. But to vanilla people, sex is the end-all, the be-all, the ultimate goal of men and women. That is not the case with BDSM at all. So I know for a fact that I am not the only person in the world who has gone around and around banging my head against THIS brick wall either. Read a fucking book about BDSM and you'll LEARN the truth. I cannot and WILL not spend my time spoon-feeding people who aren't listening anyway.
The Journey fans….well, as you well know, (because I've mentioned it a lot), I was targeted by Allen Craft who worked for Journey years ago, as a radio sound engineer. He hated your guts, Stephen, and told people all kinds of lies and personal information to total strangers about you, all over the internet, including me. I printed out every word of it, 120 pages front and back, and gave it to Lora Beard. He was fired soon after, but not before he crashed my computer by sending malicious code to my IP address when I logged on to the Journey web site. I had that verified by the technology department at the Holocaust Museum, who traced everything on my hard drive, and verified it in writing so I could file a police report against him, which I did. The problem was, he crashed the 2 year project of my kids web site about the Holocaust that I had TAUGHT MYSELF TO CREATE. It was very painstaking, and I was very close to being done and launching it. But POOF, it was completely gone. I had to start all over again from the very beginning, and it took me another 2 years to finish. I'm not exactly a technogeek, so I had to read books, and do the trial and error stuff, just to figure it all out on my own.
Then I had other people on the Journey web site actually HARASS me because I supported your decision to have hip surgery instead of go on tour, which caused the break up of the band. I wrote only positive things about you, and Allen Craft and his gang of crazies ganged up on me, and labeled me as one of the "Perryheads" who were "no longer welcome" on the Journey web site chat room. I was followed around on other web sites (fan pages of Journey), and harassed all the time about you. I was called every name in the book, I was treated like I was loving Hitler or something. They were CRAZY and filled with anger and hatred at your leaving the band, and they took out their disappointment on anybody who said you did the right thing. So many times, I was misquoted, misunderstood, accused of something I didn't write, or never said, and bashed and flamed on all sorts of Journey-related web sites. I spent many hours, and days, upset and crying, because so many people were taking the ONE THING that I LOVED MOST in the world, and USING IT AGAINST ME TO HURT ME.
What I did then, is what I am doing now. Taking myself out of the equation. I boycotted everything Journey after all that soap opera bullshit transpired, wouldn't listen to it, wouldn't buy it, wouldn't even hear it on the radio even. I'd turn the channel. I just wanted nothing to do with Neal Schon or Journey because of all the negativity surrounding your distancing from the band.
This time, with all that has happened with Kim and Kathryn, unfortunately I need to do the same thing.
So this will be my last post for awhile. Not sure when I'll be back. But I love you always, I respect you, i adore you, and I am looking forward to any new music you're going to create soon. You'll always be my favorite troubadour, and I'll always consider you a sexy beast. If I ever get the chance to meet you for a THIRD time, I will be sure to let you know that it was NOT because I am a stalker.
I'm sorry Kim and Kathryn have ended our friendship, but that was not MY doing, nor MY choice. I have a clear conscience about the whole thing, because I gave them what they asked for, I apologized, and I STILL got the boot. I just cannot seem to win no matter WHAT I do or say, so FUCK IT. I cannot be around people like that, who aren't really the forgiving Christians they claim to be. We all fuck up, we all make mistakes, and only a FEW people say their sorry. I am one of them. But if that's not good enough, then to hell with the whole mess.
I cannot change anything that happened, I have apologized to them both for it many times, and I will NOT allow them or anybody else to demand that I change my nature, my writing, my blog, my joking style, or anything about myself for anyone else EVER AGAIN.
I shouldn't have to.
Bye Stephen. If I return, it will be only to privatize this blog so that the general public can no longer read it. This was, after all, supposed to be just between you and me, as an outlet for MYSELF.
Love, Rebecca
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