Hey, I heard on the radio this morning that the Pittsburgh Pirates are going to San Francisco this weekend to play your Giants! Cool. We'll probably beat the tar outta your Giants though, sorry! Wanna place some money on that bet?! How much ya got?? *wink* Go to the game, and have fun, and think of me, laughing as the Bucs beat your silly team, my friend. *sticking out my tongue at you* (And if I LOSE, you can put YOUR tongue down MY throat. It'll be a sacrifice, but I'll try not to choke on it). hehehehe
I saw this cool photo of Ross and Deen the other day, I thought you might like it...(or maybe you don't, I'm not sure, but they both look like they're doing pretty good). I don't know much about Deen, but he looks like a badass. I KNOW Ross is a badass!! But he's cool.
This morning, I had to take Pete to the chiropractor and to work, because our car is in the shop being cleaned...(I had accidentally forgot to bring in a bag of meat from the trunk, and it sat there for 4 days in 90 degree heat, so the whole car STINKS like you wouldn't believe). So, as I sat in the van, waiting for him to finish his appointment, I took this photo, wondering what YOU might be doing today inside YOUR "Chateau Perry." How cool is it, to be located on Perry Highway?! And you wonder why I think of you so often, I'm surrounded by your name!!
Emails have been flying back and forth between myself and Marcia the past few days, she's my new Journey buddy, and they are all about YOU my friend...yes, YOU...and they are quite fun, so I thought I might share some with you....keep in mind as you read these, you should start from the BOTTOM and work your way up to the top. She seems pretty cool, and it's been fun sharing stories and gushing all about you...I don't get to do that very often with anybody, so it's a nice rare treat that brings me back to my high school days when I had over 25 Journey-newsletter pen-pals, and wrote letters to them nearly every day! (this was back in the days before email even existed).
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Yes, I have seen blogs and websites with petitions trying to get them into the Hall of Fame.
As for your comment about them getting in before they all croak, right on!
From: Rebecca
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 9:43 AM
To: Marcia
Subject: Re: Husband's name Second Addendum
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 9:43 AM
To: Marcia
Subject: Re: Husband's name Second Addendum
I agree!! Other fans have tried doing petitions to get Steve in, but it hasn't happened yet. I hope the whole band gets in before they all croak!!
Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 10, 2011, at 9:10 AM, "Marcia Eastridge" <marciacarole@comcast.net> wrote:
Other commonality that Steve and Frampton have is that neither have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They both deserve to be in there.
From: Rebecca
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 8:48 AM
To: Marcia
Subject: Re: Husband's name
Hi Marcia,
I don't know much about Frampton, other than he once had big hair but now is nearly bald...but his voice is still great!! I had no idea he was so close in age to Steve. I still can't believe Steve is in his 60's...he sure doesn't look it!! Always a sexy beast, that man!!
I first heard Steve's voice when I was 10, and my mom brought home a cassette tape for me, from Kmart, that had a title I couldn't even read...and when I heard "Open Arms," for the first time, I thought, "Wow! That woman can SING!" (I had never heard of him or Journey, and I had no idea what they looked like, or that they were all men)!! My friend in school had a Tiger Beat magazine one day, and as we looked through it, I saw my first poster of Journey---and I flipped!! What a gorgeous man!! I was instantly in love and lust over Steve Perry!! So much so, in fact, that I bribed my friend with $2 (my lunch money) to buy that poster!! She didn't want to part with it because Rick Springfield was on the back!! I still have that photo but it's all yellowish around the edges now.
But, from that day on, I said to my friend who asked me why I wanted that poster so badly, "Because I am going to meet him someday!" (And I truly believed that...so it blew me away when it actually happened!)
I didn't Know Arnel was so young when he started singing Journey tunes! That is pretty awesome...he's like a god over in the Phillipines, according to a friend of mine who lived close to where he's from. Everybody loves him there!! He really is a boost to the boys of the band, they were starting to sound really bored and tired of the music when he came along and saved them from an early retirement!!
Who is your friend that you sent my photos to? I used to have about 25 penpals from the Journey fan club newsletter years ago!! I may know her!!
They used to have Journey parties in CA and Chicago in the 80's where a group of fans got together and had videos playing in one room, trivia questions in another room, music and photos, memorabilia, etc., but I never got to go to one. Maybe WE should have our own party sometime!!
Well, bye for now. ---Becky
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 10, 2011, at 8:22 AM, "Marcia" wrote:Very cool stuff, I must say. Thank you so much for sending these. I forwarded your e-mail to my friend, who knows how much of a die-hard Journey and Steve Perry fan I’ve been for the last 32 years. Like I always say to her, Steve is my alltime fave singer, the hottest and best-looking guy that ever lived, and he is in my alltime fave band (since I was 14). I also showed John the pics. He thought they were very cool. I LOVE the autographed pic of Steve. He was so beautiful. When you met Steve in ’94, he was 45. I’m sure you already know that he was born on January 22, 1949. The second most beautiful guy, (in my opinion), Peter Frampton was also born on the 22nd of the month (April 22nd) in 1950. So he is exactly a year and 3 months younger than Steve. The other coincidence of the two of them is that they both vacationed in Hawaii, where, as you might already know is where Steve broke his hip while hiking, and had to get his hip replaced in the mid-90’s, like ’96. I pretty much know the whole entire Steve Perry and journey biography, as I am sure that you do.
Yes, Arnel is very cute. Great smile and loves to sing and perform. He’s been singing Journey songs since he was like 5. If you go on You Tube, you can see him singing “Open Arms”, Faithfully”, when he little, and when he is a teenager, singing a couple of other Journey songs. Looking forward to seeing your pics from the concert.
Have a great time seeing them. I’m sure it will be great.
Take care.
From: Becky
Sent: Tuesday, August 09, 2011 7:21 PM
To: Marcia
Subject: Re: Husband's name
Hi Marcia, (my hubby's name is Pete)...
I finally had a few minutes to sit down and attach some photos for you....the first one is of my "Journey wall" that I once had. I still have all the stuff, (and LOTS more), but these are all together...a JRNY FN license plate, my autographed photo that Steve gave me the first night of his FTLOSM tour, and some other cool stuff, like when I met The Storm...(by the way, the lead singer of The Storm was Kevin Chalfant, and he's a friend of mine...his sister and I have known each other for about 15 years).
The second photo is of me, with Neal and Jonathan....the "Journey sandwich" I told you about....cool, huh? I love those guys...
The third photo is of me, at the last Journey concert I went to with Pete, and he bought me a new t-shirt.
We are going to see them again at the end of August, and we have VIP tickets, so we get to meet all the guys backstage again!! I'm looking forward to that, I haven't met Arnel yet. He's such a cutie!! And I'm glad he's re-energized the boys of the band too. He really was a God-send, otherwise Journey was starting to turn into a "kareoke dinosaur band."
Well, there you are....hope you like 'em.
Bye for now! ----Becky
From: Marcia
To: Rebecca
Sent: Monday, August 8, 2011 2:02 PM
Subject: Husband's nameI’m sorry I didn’t get your husband’s name. What is it? Mine is John.
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So there you have it. You're like a fly on the wall, reading silly stuff that two quirky 40-something women clear across the country on the east coast are STILL gushing and cackling like hens about you. Amazing, huh? A couple decades ago, you'd never really be able to share stuff like that via email. There WAS no email back then! God I feel so old when I say that. "Aunt Becky, what was the world like, when there was no email? How did people communicate? Did they draw pictures on cave walls or what?!"
I find it rather funny that her poor hubby AND mine have to endure this kind of silliness from two grown adult women who just melt into puddles of school-girl-giggles when it comes to talking about you. They must really think we're nuts. And, I'm sure you probably do as well. Who knows, we probably ARE nuts, but what the hell, it's more fun than being NORMAL ever could be.
Well, as promised, here is a video clip of Josh Groban in concert that I took last week...it's nearly a 5 minute song, but my iPhone won't let me send the whole thing in an email, so I only got this blurb...
It's a very cool song, and you can see nearly all the musicians behind him, as well as him all lit up, moving around on stage...I know, this iPhone doesn't let me zoom when I take video, which sucks. I told Pete to tell Steve Jobs that I demand he add ZOOM to the video app!! We'll see if that ever happens. (He's only 4 people away in the hierarchy from Mr. Jobs...so it could happen).
Let's get serious now.........I know the other day I had a bit of a meltdown, and for that I apologize. I am not 100% sure, but I think Pete may have read it, because he's been super nice to me since then. He may not realize that it's been nearly 3 weeks since I had a "taste of the goodness," (aka: nooky), so I'm feeling rather on edge. Yesterday he gave me a nice spanking though, and it helped a lot. I don't know exactly WHY it helps, but it does. Maybe it's the natural endorphin chemicals that zoom around in my brain while it's happening.
I've since signed Florence up for physical therapy twice a week, to keep her busy and to give ME a break. The guy showed up yesterday for the first time, and worked her hard, so she was tired the rest of the afternoon. Then I took her shopping and made her push a cart, which also tires her out, and then I had her working on a project when we got home...(making a paper chain for her party, as a decoration). I guess the best strategy for ME is to tire her out as much as possible so that she sleeps and I get a break. But it still takes a lot of energy for me to do that, and it takes my focus OFF the things I need to get done.
Today I'm taking her to the nearby salon to get a manicure. On Friday, she'll get her hair styled, and a nice facial scrub and massage. Then she'll be all spiffy and ready for her birthday party on Saturday.
When I mentioned (during my meltdown rant), that I miss the ME I used to be, I was referring to the ME who once lived in Washington DC and worked at the Holocaust Museum....I used to be intelligent, I used to be professional, sharp as a tack, tough-minded, and authoritative. I gave tours of the Museum every day, to groups of people of all shapes, sizes, nationalities, and ages. I helped evacuate the damned building on 9/11, (and other days when we'd receive bomb threats). So, that "me" is someone I was proud of being, whereas now, I'm just a no-name, faceless schlub who stays at home and takes care of an old lady all day, every day. I miss having intelligent conversations about WWII and the Holocaust. I miss talking with my Survivor friends. Hell, I even miss having friends. I just miss being "somebody."
I don't know if you've had similar feelings since your retirement, but how could you NOT?? I mean, you were mobbed at every meet and greet for 25 years of your life, by countless women...(and for all we know, you prefer MEN)...and that's fine with me, I don't really care what you do in your bedroom. I just like to pretend you're doing it with ME. :) But it seems over the past 10 years or so, since you stopped performing with Journey, (has it been longer than that?!)...every photo I see of you that someone takes somewhere, is of you---all alone. Do you relish this "alone-ness," after having thousands of people breathing in your face all the time? (I did for awhile after I quit the Museum too). You go to baseball games alone a lot, how come? Do you just prefer to be by yourself, or do you just have nobody to go with you? I wonder about that whenever I see a photo of you, like the other day.
Well, so if you and I are living parallel lives, feeling similar things about being alone a lot, I feel somewhat "in tune" with you, more than I ever did before. I think I can at least empathize with the myriad of emotions that you've dealt with during such a major life-change. It's never easy to readjust and reinvent yourself, but that's one thing life tends to deal to most people at least once in their lifetime. I mean, so far, Neal has never had the major life change of being forced to reinvent himself, has he? Sure, he's had lots of marriages that have failed, and that has to be very difficult. But, he's still Neal, the same old Neal he always was, and it seems, he always will be.
Some people just don't seem to grow much, and I wonder how God sorts all that out?? Is there any rhyme or reason to who gets chosen to go through such a difficult thing, I wonder? Should we feel "lucky" that we were kicked in the ass and made to go through hell, to grow our souls a little more? Or is it not even God's idea? Have we been cursed by the devil, and forced to endure the hellish change of reinventing ourselves, just to fulfill his mean streak?
I always thought that, if you HAVE to reinvent yourself, (and let me add, I always thought that was something people should WANT to do, not be forced to do), then why not reinvent yourself into somebody BETTER, that you really LIKE much more than your old self? I seem to have hit a snag in that department, I guess. I don't really care for this life that I've chosen, because it's not ME. I can't seem to let go of the ME I used to be. I just do not want to be a frumpy, lame, housewife, caregiver, with no friends, no social life, and no fun. I don't like being dependent on a man for all my entertainment, ya know? I don't like having nobody to talk to when I need it. So, if I am supposed to LIKE the person I have evolved into, why then am I having such a hard time doing that?
Here's what I DO like....I DO like that we got hitched, because I never thought I'd EVER get married to anybody in my LIFE---I still sometimes wonder if it was the right thing to do or not---but, I DO like that I am being "taken care of" to some extent, when it comes to room and board, food, and miscellaneous stuff, I don't have to worry about paying bills anymore, my credit report is spotless, and I'm now living in a wonderful huge house that I love every day. I have a wonderful dog that I love with all my heart, I have my mom to spend time with, I have Pete's mom to spend time with and (on the good days), laugh with about things she tells me regarding the past....I have Pete, who loves me so much sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating. Maybe God said, "Hey, go suffocate that chick, she needs it..." but some days I just don't want any part of it. Other days, I want to run to him and just hide from the rest of the world, and be the real ME. I don't let that "real me" out very often though. I have had to put her away.
Until Pete came along, I had this chronic "Come here, go away" syndrome, where I wanted to get close to somebody, but I didn't TRUST that person worth a damn. I guess that is part of the package of being with married men. I liked that I could say "Come here," have some wild nooky, then "go away" and kick them out of my house afterwards. Is that awful of me to admit? Probably. But, it's the honest truth, and I can't help that. It was simple. There were no complications, there was no drama, there was just easy-going, flexible, fun, and naughtiness to be had. Afterwards, I could just say "Uh, buh-bye now," and enjoy my alone-time with my dog, watching old movies on TCM until I fell asleep.
Now I rarely GET alone time, I hardly EVER get to sit and watch an old movie anymore either, and Pete keeps me running ragged all over the place all the time, so I feel frazzled 95% of the time. I don't have enough time in between things to process everything, ya know? I don't know if every human needs that or not, but being a Highly Sensitive Person, requires it. I gotta have time to process and think about things that I've just seen or done, to work it all out in my head, to savor the moments, to enjoy them to their fullest...not just let them wash over me like a flood, and feel confused and frazzled from it.
Like the Josh Groban thing....the concert was awesome, but I was preoccupied with the 2 mom's, (do they need the bathroom, are they thirsty, do they want anything to munch on, are they comfortable, etc)., and with taking video, and photos, and eating nacho's with Pete....so I don't really get to FOCUS on it, as much as I would have loved to....and now, all I can do is watch the video clips I took, to really get the whole "savoring" feeling. I can sit here, alone, and savor his performance. And I need to do that, for my own peace of mind and well-being. It's like an unresolved conflict in my brain if I don't get to, that gnaws at me, and bugs me and I can't shake it off unless I sit down and do it.
When I wrote in a diary, (which I've noticed, this blog is slowly evolving into, much to my dismay), I would be able to focus on the happenings of the day, to analyze things, and my own emotions, to try and figure out why something transpired the way it did, would it have been different if I had done or said this, or that, or didn't do or say this or that....how could I have handled that better? What would I have done if he or she had said this or that instead of what they actually said? Could there have been a better outcome? I can sift through the split-second moments and stop them in my head, and focus on them, to figure out what went wrong, or right, and how I helped that to happen, or not. I could think, really deeply, about things that were important to me, and toss around ideas, get out some creativity, and let the brain juices flow into my pen and out my fingers, and then walk away feeling refreshed. I miss that.
So, I guess that's partially why I started writing to YOU, dear Stephen, on this silly blog of mine. You'll probably never read it, and that is probably for the best because as I have sometimes sat here, re-reading some of my entries, I have thought, "God I'm a nutball, what a dork, what a lame thing to write, how come I said THAT? Should I have even told him about that at all? Now what the hell would he think of me if he read that...great googa mooga, I need to get a life."
I've edited a LOT as I've written these blog entries...sometimes I will publish it, then think about it afterwards, and go back and change it somehow. Often, I have also thought about deleting past blog entries, because if you ever DO really stumble on this blog someday, perhaps I should censor some of it. But then, part of me rebels and says, "Take me as I am--this may mean you'll have to be a stronger man." (Meredith Brooks, lyrics from the song "Bitch"). HA! <-- that is an old habit as an English major, to "cite my sources" whenever I quote somebody. So, when I feel that rebellion inside of me, I figure, "if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to read it, but this is ME, all the good, the bad and the ugly, and that's just something I cannot and should never have to censor for anybody." Don't read it if you don't like it. Nobody is forcing you to.
This is just me, take it or leave it.
Now, Pete is taking tomorrow and Friday off....which means I may not be able to get anywhere near this computer while he's around...he hogs it...(and I still haven't found my stupid laptop)...so if I don't write to you until Sunday or Monday, please don't be surprised or offended, or feel neglected. I will try my best to write at least once, but with the party going on and everything, I may not have the chance to.
.......SIGH......My mom just came up and told me about Florence's evil twin showing her face...she was watching something on t.v. that had a wedding where the groom cheated on the bride, and then suddenly she walked into the large family room where my mom was on the computer, and said, "I don't appreciate what you're doing, is this some kind of a cruel JOKE?" And my mom looked up from the computer, with a confused look on her face, "Uhhhh, what?!" And Florence starts in about how she doesn't like the plans for the wedding, and nobody consulted HER about it, and how DARE she go behind her back like that...(and on and on)....so my mom gets up, grabs her by the arm, gets in her face, and says, "Darlin', I don't know what's going on in your head right now, but let me show you something..." and she drags her over to show her the photo of our wedding last summer, and points out that SHE is standing right beside us. At that point, Florence's shoulders caved in, and she whimpered, "What is wrong with me? Do I have amnesia?" And my mom said, gently, "No dear, you have a disease called Alzheimers." She hung her head, in acceptance, and resignation. My mom continued, "I want you to know, that I love you very much, and I would NEVER lie to you, I would NEVER go behind your back for any reason, and I would NEVER deliberately cause you upset like this." So, then she waited a few minutes to let Florence digest it all....and then she asked if she wanted to go lay down, and she said, "Yes, I think I probably should. I am sorry I acted so terribly."
This is the typical day with Florence. Something somewhere triggers some kind of false memory in her head, and she reacts to it in anger, or frustration, or just plain meanness, and doesn't realize that it's a false memory, doesn't realize she's making a mistake about something, and we have to constantly reinforce to her that she's just confused, we remind her of the actual memory, show her photos of people and places and things, and then she snaps back out of it. But, she's going deeper and deeper into this disease, more often, (it's inevitable), and it gets harder and harder for us to deal with it.
Welcome to my nightmare.....(Alice Cooper...whom we're going to see in concert Friday night)....
Hey, if you're ever really feeling alone, or in the mood for a major change from your usual day-to-day routine, just hop in your private jet and fly over here to Pittsburgh, pick me up, and let's get the hell out of here. Sounds good to me.
Bye for now.
Love, Rebecca
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