Television weirdness....and blowjobs.

Hiya Stephen,

I hope life with Miss Red Dress is treating you well so far...because I love seeing you happy!!  I wish I could fit into a sexy red dress like that, but alas, I'm not as svelte and skinny as she is.  Probably never will be either. SIGH.  But, hey, to each his own, at least Pete likes my curvaceousness.

Last night while Pete was gone to rehearsal, I decided to break out of my usual t.v. mode---IF I sit down to watch t.v. at all, (which is not very often), I typically stay with Turner Classic Movies or HGTV----but last night I got an urge to just flip the channels to see what else was on.  What a bizarre thing, television.

I found a channel that said, "Welcome to the WEALTH channel..." and sure enough, it had shows about rich, spoiled rotten people who annoyed me to the point of turning the channel QUICK.  There was some rich chick, with botox, fake boobs, blonde hair, size 0, married to some rich guy, living in a mansion, planning a birthday party for her 3 year old kid....now, in MY world, that would be easy---a small cake with a Disney character on it, some presents, and a pretty dress for her to wear....but you KNOW she's going to open the boxes and play with THEM instead of whatever toy was inside it.  She's 3!!

Well, apparently in the WEALTHY channel world of rich snobbery, this woman was creating a party with actual amusement park rides---ferris wheel, merry-go-round, etc.---in their backyard (which was huge), with cotton candy vendors, clowns, you name it---just like having your very own carnival.  I kept thinking, "Michael Jackson would be lovin' this."  And this little 3 year old, with her gorgeous and expensive hand-made dress with actual JEWELS sewn into it (that her bimbo mother insisted on having), got all messed up with chocolate and candy and she had make-up all over her face from the face-painting booth-----I mean, this was like watching a train wreck.

The size of the cake was tremendous, and of course it had the kid's photo on it, there was a traffic jam on the highway near their house because someone parked at the end of their driveway and blocked the way in for the guests to arrive, so police turned up and had to direct traffic---they should have given that bimbo a huge FINE for that, but I don't think they did---but of course, it's all in the wealthy mind-set of "create drama where there really IS NONE."  I don't understand that phenomenon really, of why they feel the need to do such a thing, but that's something I consider abhorrent.  Life is hard enough without creating more bullshit drama that, in the end, doesn't matter at all.

I've never seen such dysfunction in all my life.  That poor kid.  I wanted to scoop her up and take her away to REALITY for once, y'know? This woman doesn't realize that she's in effect, ABUSING that child, by not giving her a REALISTIC VIEW OF LIFE.  By treating her like she's some kind of princess, she'll never learn how to earn her own money, she'll never learn that life isn't fair, she'll never know that she can achieve something great (unlike her mother who just likes to spend money), and it seemed to me that it was doing that child a major disservice.

I mean, what the hell is she going to do for this kid's bat-mitzvah, (they said this themselves), or her wedding??  This 3 year old rode into the party on a horse-drawn carriage like Cinderella.  I kid you not.  The pony had pink feather boa's tied to its tail, and a hot pink, braided mane.  Now that's GOTTA be cruelty to animals.  Of course, the mother had to be the driver of the carriage, being a complete attention whore and all.  I saw the man she was married to, (NOT A PRIZE, lemme tell ya), and I thought, "Why the hell would ANY MAN want somebody like her?????)  He held a skinny pink balloon around her neck like a necklace, and she said, "Oh no, I don't want no stupid balloon necklace, I want the REAL THING, DIAMONDS!!" And he laughed and said, "That's my wife."  I nearly puked.  What an idiot.

You should have seen her rip into her own sister for not answering her cell phone....the sister didn't realize that her battery had died....but when she explained that to this woman, it didn't matter, SHE was to BLAME for the fact that an appointment had been missed (by the bimbo) with the man who was setting up the amusement park, and "now the party might not HAPPEN AT ALL!! HOW COULD YOU?!"  The sister simply went next door to a different store while the BIMBO took forever buying everything she could at another boutique---and she was so mean to the sister that the sister said, "I'm going next door."  So all the bimbo had to do was WALK HER STUPID ASS NEXT DOOR to find her sister.  But no, she "CALLED HER FIVE TIMES BUT ONLY GOT VOICEMAIL!  HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!"

Good GOD, I had to turn it.

So then, I flipped the channel and saw this show coming on, "Gene Simmons, Family Jewels." (A&E).  I have heard OF it, but never sat down to watch it before.  Holy crap, that man is a hot mess.  He's the same age as YOU, dear Sir, which blew my mind...and I had no clue that he's Jewish!!  So all of a sudden I was hooked, and had to watch it.  Now, THIS show was FUNNY.  They didn't sit around making up drama for no reason, or buying everything in sight---they were acting like REAL PEOPLE. And that was very cool.  In fact, I love his kids!!  They are awesome!!  They are more like adults than their parents are.

The son, (Nick I think), and daughter (Sophia), are in their early 20's I guess, and they have some hilarious observations and comebacks, and just made the whole show worth watching. They seem to know how ridiculous their parents are, (thought not HALF as ridiculous as the bimbo on the WEALTH channel), apparently Gene Simmons married some porn star chick...and even though they've been living together for over 25 years, and after having 2 kids together, NOW she decides she wants to get MARRIED FOR REAL.  Give me a break. Talk about creating drama where there IS NONE.

So she demands that Gene call her up and take her out on dates---she moves out of course---and they have to start over with all this crap, that he does NOT understand one bit----(neither does most of the country my friend)---and then she demands an actual wedding---and his poor head is spinning.  He was all "verklempt,' full of emotion, this was something completely new to him, and he was scared. He had spent 60 years of his life, he said, "trying to AVOID marriage." So he goes to a therapist, (upon his wife's insistence), who is apparently an idiot (my opinion), because she did NOT say to him, "Hey Gene, guess what, STFU about your poor horrible life, you've already BEEN MARRIED FOR 25 YEARS!! GET OVER IT!! You've DONE IT, you've been DOING it, and this is just a silly PARTY for your WIFE."  She just kept saying condescending shit like, "You're dealing with emotions you've never dealt with before." (BULLSHIT!! HE SPENT 25 YEARS WITH THIS WOMAN, you don't think he was SCARED before they shacked up?!)

So I was just sitting there going, "Wow.....wow.....you've got to be kidding me...." and the son, Nick, said, "Yeah, if the grim reaper showed up for real to take my dad, he'd try to BARGAIN with him...hey let me stay awhile and I'll give you an autographed, authentic, leather and silver studded KISS coffin!" Which cracked me up...because then Sophia says, "Yeah, he would. And he'd add some groupies."

I finally had to turn it off, my brain felt like it had morphed into oatmeal at this point.  No wonder people are stupid, they watch this shit all the time.  Hand me a BOOK and I'm a happy camper.  TV? Not so much.  I love old movies, though, because they teach me something---either about society as a whole, the innocence of the world back then, or relationships, or the movie stars themselves.  It's fascinating to me. So then Pete says, "Let's watch more Ken Burns." YAY!!! I LOVE KEN BURNS!!  His newest documentary is all about Prohibition.  What a farce THAT was!!  I knew some of the basic info about it, but never really delved too deeply into it.  So, this was fascinating too.  Ken Burns always is. Did you ever see his World War II documentary?? Oh my GAWD it was brilliant!!  I own it.  That was one of the very first gifts Pete ever gave me.

The whole documentary has an interesting twist to it---this Prohibition one I mean---because it alludes to the things we are NOW going through in our society, in our country, just like it did then.  He points out in a subtle way, that we really have NOT changed much since the early 1800's.  Immigration was a huge issue, alcoholism was considered the root of all evil----but by getting rid of it, these women actually CREATED more crime, more strife, more corruption than ever before....hell, they even created GANGSTERS, which there never HAD been before.

And you and I, Stephen, are now living in the world where most of our societal problems were CREATED BY "THE DRY" MEN AND WOMEN who created Prohibition back then. These problems didn't even exist until the alcohol was illegal.  I guess this is a big reason why some people today believe that marijuana should be legalized too.  If you make it ILLEGAL, the people will want it more, will do anything to get it, and will break laws, hurt other people, and spread corruption and greed in order to get it.  Didn't these women REALIZE that if they denied their men ANYTHING, that would happen???

It boggles my mind.  Seems like common sense to me. Take a look back in history, to prove that point.

I mean, think about it....if women deny men blowjobs, for example, (yes, my mind is in the gutter, sorry), then guess what? The men will go get them from other women who are willing and happy to provide them.  So, when a married man (like my ex-boyfriend in DC) said, "I really can't reach an orgasm with oral sex being done to me," I simply laughed and said, "How many years of your life have you actually believed that shit? Really? Apparently your wife is DOING IT WRONG."  And, I went ahead and gave him a bj, for just FIVE MINUTES, and he was like Mr. Vesuvius.  Gushed like a fountain.  I sat up, wiped off my mouth, grinned, and said, "Yep, you poor man...she's doing it wrong."  He was head over heels in lust with me from that moment on.  The biggest difference, he said, was that, "I enjoyed doing it...she didn't."

I do enjoy doing it.  I even took a class on "Worshipping the Male Member" at camp one summer, and let me tell you, that was THE most AWESOME class EVER.  I learned a LOT.  Did you know that if you have a prostate massage regularly, you will have a 75% LESS CHANCE of getting prostate cancer? It's true.  So, I know how to do that now.  Have you ever had your prostate "milked?" That is, rubbed while you're having sex?  I know how to do that too, and if you want to see somebody hit the ceiling, well, just rub a prostate for a few seconds.  Works like a charm.  There are right ways and wrong ways of doing blowjobs, too.  The WRONG way is probably what most men experience most of the time. The woman is nervous, doesn't like doing it, spends less than 5 minutes doing it, doesn't swallow, and keeps looking at the clock the whole time.  Pete said some of the people he was rehearsing with were discussing this subject last night, and a couple 20-something girls chimed in, "Well I know for a FACT that if my boyfriend grabs my head, I must be doing it right."  WRONG!!!  He's grabbing your head, or ears, to GUIDE YOU to doing it right, (the way he NEEDS IT DONE), because you're NOT.

Pete said, "I know some women who give 45 minute blow jobs."  They all gasped in disbelief.  Pete was, of course, referring to ME.  See, I was trained by a Dom who was my roommate for awhile, to give 45 minute blow jobs--and he made me do this for him at least 3 times a day, 2 or 3 times each week.  My jaw nearly fell off, of course, but I managed to get through "Burton's Blowjob Bootcamp" with flying colors.  So, yes, he taught me well, and the class I took also gave me some great pointers and advice, so those things, mixed with experience with men who didn't think they could ever orgasm from it, has given ME a sense of empowerment I've never had before.  I am super confident about it, I know what I'm doing, I know how to do it, and for how long to do it, and I am always ALWAYS successful.

Most women think that if they just suck on it for a few minutes, that's all he needs, and they're done. Sorry....not me.  I know damned well if I keep going, and keep going, and go slower, faster, slower, faster, varying my technique, doing other things at the same time, and then swallow everything (which I do every time also), but then KEEP GOING EVEN MORE----well, that guy will have multiple orgasms.  And multiple orgasms for a man can become quite addictive. (at least, they are for ME).

I'm curious to know if you've ever had that kind of bj before in your life?  I am sure somewhere, SOME groupie was able to do that for you at least once...right??  (Don't you EVER tell Neal Schon this stuff...I don't want him knocking on my door).  He is not worthy.  SNIFF.

I don't just do this for ANY guy you know.  I'm not a paid whore on the street corner.  I am, however, quite good at what I take great pride in doing for my man.  I once thought about signing on to become an escort with an escort service in DC though.  In fact, I used to watch "Bunny Ranch" on HBO, and I wrote to them to ask if I could apply to become one of their bunnies.  I even sent them my photo and a bio, explaining this kind of stuff, and what I liked doing, etc., but when they asked me for more info, and could I fly there for an interview, well, I got kinda nervous and chickened out.

Well, so, this is just something personal about me that I thought might be of interest.  If the WEALTHY channel bimbo wants to REALLY get herself spoiled rotten by men, she'd learn how to do this stuff too. But I would bet you a million bucks, she has no clue about any of it.  She seemed like the selfish type. Too many people out there are selfish in bed, unfortunately.  They don't want to GIVE as much as they want to GET, and I've had my share of loser boyfriends like that.  In fact, I asked one guy (the very LAST vanilla guy I'll ever date), to tie me to a chair and use a vibrator on me.  When he complained about the puddle on the floor, and that he always had too much laundry to wash after I left, (towels, sheets, etc)., I looked at him and said, "Ya know what? Most men would be down on their knees licking it up, so if you don't like the bullet honey, don't pull the fucking trigger."  And I dumped his stupid vanilla ass soon afterwards.

Ahem.

I know, I know, you're sitting there thinking, "My GAWD, you look so....so....frumpy...and mild mannered....you don't LOOK like a slutty type of chick....but wow...."  Yeah, Stephen, some of us mild-mannered frumpy types are WILD in the bedroom.  The quiet ones are always the ones you have to worry about most, don't you know that??  I can be a hell cat, if provoked. *WINK*

Well, so anyway, I could probably go on and on about things I've done and learned about this stuff, but I don't want to bore you.  I've probably either made you cringe in horror, or led you to take a cold shower.

So for now, I'll go get busy doing my mundane boring daily stuff around here.

I do miss Peter, though, and seeing the look in his eyes after I gave him that first bj.....CLASSIC....

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca