TGIF and here comes a huge blizzard....sigh...

Hi Steve,

Well, good luck trying to find milk, toilet paper and bread anywhere on the east coast this weekend.  Apparently "Nemo" the Nor-easter storm is heading our way.  Wooooo.  Somebody get that damned gopher on the line, and tell him he's fired.  He lied.  He said spring would come 6 weeks early!!

Soooo the winds have picked up around here, and there have been some flurries, but so far nothing much is happening.  Tomorrow, on the other hand, is forecasted to be much worse.  Luckily we are getting up early and leaving by 8 a.m. to get to DC for the flea market event.

I like the LF&P because there are always awesome sexy SHOES....I am a total shoe-aholic....but, unfortunately I can only admire most of them from afar because of my dreaded diabetes.  I still like to wear heels, from time to time, but I'm not "supposed to."  They also sell lots of gorgeous CORSETS, which is another favorite item of mine.  I only have a few but I am also very picky about them, so I only buy one if it's gorgeous and fits me perfectly.  I mean, why buy one that isn't gorgeous or doesn't fit right??  I do love corsets though, ohhhhh how I love the "all over hug" feeling, all day long.  And with a 42DD bra size goin' on, babyyyyyy, well, you can imagine my blossoming bodacious bazoomba's spilling over the top.  Yessssss you can envision that, I'm sure, if you just try. GRIN!

Sometimes really cool vendors show up to sell you those mini-hats that I love so much...(I am a girly girl, in case you haven't figured that out yet)...I love lacey things, I love sexy things, I love garters and thigh-high's, bra's, sexy panties, lingerie....etc.  I also love leather.  When I smell leather, I get all gooey inside. Mmmmmm.  Something about it just turns me on.

Ah well, so there are dozens of vendors selling their sexy wares at this flea market, kinda like the Folsom Street events that happen in San Francisco.  (I've been to one of them).  In fact, I got a really cool metal belt that has the words "Bad Girl" all around it.  hehehehe  But of course, MOST of the time I'm a GOOD GIRL you know.  *WINK*

When you're submissive like me, sometimes you go through life not even KNOWING that you are a sub, and that's just sad.  My mom is submissive, but she thinks I'm full of crap when I tell her that.  I thought my friend David was full of crap too, when he told ME that.  But, sometimes.....well, a lot of times....women overcompensate for their true natures, because we HAVE to, in order to have a career and be a mother and do a million things every day.  You have to build up a thick skin, and be tough. But doing that all the time, every day, when you're really NOT like that, can really wear a person down.  It's like you're hiding your true self, in order to make it through a tough day, trying to be strong and decisive and in charge.  When I feel like I'm getting to the saturation point of doing those things, (yes I still have to do those things), I tend to get overwhelmed, my memory shuts down, I kinda go numb inside and I feel exhausted.

Sometimes, it's just NICE to NOT have to decide anything, to NOT have to be in charge of anything, to just give that power over to someone else, and go along for the ride.  Ya know?  It's a stress relief above all else, to be honest.  Sure, it's also an endorphin rush and a sexual high, but it's a lot of things all rolled up into a huge ball within yourself that makes you yearn for more moments of being REAL.  When I wear my leather collar, for instance, my head is suddenly in a different space.  I am no longer the daily "me," I am suddenly transformed into this slutty sex kitten who only wants to please the Dominant man (or woman) who is playing with me.  That is my sole purpose in life at that moment, and it's blissful.  It's absolutely liberating, to just let go, and be told what to do and how to do it, without having to THINK about anything, without any inhibitions holding you back.  It's awesome.

One of my favorite phrases in the scene (that confused the HELL out of me at first), is:  "Rope will set you free."  Think about it though.  Sure, rope ties you down, holds you captive...but it also sets you FREE to just fly away into subspace, to be the real you, to let down all your guards and walls and psychological hangups, and just BE.  It's like a comforting, safe feeling, a hug all over, and it's the best feeling I have ever had in my life.  I love bondage for that reason.  If I can't do anything about what's happening to me, I can just lay there and let myself ENJOY IT, without guilt, without criticism, without anyone giving you a hard time about it.  It really does set you free.

I like to think of YOU, dear Stephen, as more Dominant than submissive.  But, you do have a sensitive side, too, so maybe you are a "switch."  I'm not sure.  I could see you doing both.  I could see you on your knees, wearing a leather collar, hands tied behind your back....and I can see you as the one standing above the submissive, too, doing the tying.  So, sometimes I wonder about your true nature, but other times, I really don't care one way or the other.  Whatever works for you is fine with me.

That's one of the best parts of being true to yourself, your mind becomes much more open to other people's imperfections, or orientations, or habits, because you tend to understand the WHY behind the behavior.  The BDSM crowd that I have been a part of for nearly 15 years so far, is like a family.  I was 30 years old when I realized that I'm submissive.  I see women now, in their 20's, exploring it too, but I know that they aren't really SURE of it yet.  They role play it just fine, but they don't quite GET IT.  There are lots of posers, lots of wannabe's, and if you think "50 Shades of Grey" was "hot," my friend, you really need to get out more.  I have seen and done things that would blow your mind.

That book was so incredibly STUPID and NOT AT ALL ACCURATE about BDSM.  In fact, it's actually ABUSE moreso than anything allowable in any public dungeon I've ever been to.  I've been to dungeons in DC, Baltimore, Virginia, San Francisco *(The Citadel), and another more vanilla place in Pasedena CA, called "Freedom Acres." (Rather lame, unless you're into "swinging" or just sex).  For me, it was boring just sitting there watching others have sex.  Orgies aren't all that thrilling to watch really, but okay, if that's what gets you off, whatever.  I need something a bit more....stimulating.

Violet wands, for instance, are QUITE stimulating.  It's static electricity, and you control the voltage.  I like the sting feeling more than the "thuddy" feeling.  Some people love hard paddles and thud on their butts, but I'm not one of them.  I'd rather have a sting of a good spanking, a little jolt of violet wand here and there, floggers, single tail whips, canes, nipple clamps, that sort of thing...and rope.  I find it much easier to "soak in" the pain of the sting, and I pass over that threshold very easily into pleasure.  Thuddy stuff just makes me bruise, and with diabetes, I have to be careful about that.  I also have a blood clot disorder, so bruising is NOT a good idea for me, because it could develop into a blood clot instead.

I do have hard limits, though, like most people.  I mean, you can use skin staples on me if you want to, but don't yank them out of my skin like a zipper.  I don't like the clothes pin "zippers" either, tied to rope and then attached to skin only to be ripped off all at once.  Yikes, that just gives me the shudders.  I'm not into extreme stuff either, like, you won't see me dangling in the air, hung by huge hooks in my back.  I've seen others do it, but no WAY am I gonna go there.  (I pass out when I see blood).  I don't do blood play of any kind, I do like knife play but no cutting.  I love hot wax, but I don't like cigar play. I have been fire flogged too, but it scared me half to death.  No "scat," (no human waste of any kind, no golden showers either), no animals, no asphyxiation play or breath play, none of those scary things.

I like more SENSUAL play.  I love blind folds, (cause nobody can see me)!  It's a great mind fuck, and I enjoy those too.  I like sensory deprivation, ear plugs, ball gags, etc....There's so much more to having "sex" that most people don't even know about, so many awesome things you can do and feel, so many places you can go to challenge yourself, to fly higher and obtain some kind of worldy feeling of understanding about all things....it is just amazing.  It's like a higher level of consciousness. The mental connection you experience while in a scene with someone is unlike any other relationship on earth. You give yourself over to someone COMPLETELY, you TRUST that person COMPLETELY, and it's so freeing, so exhilarating, you just cannot compare it to regular vanilla sex at all.

I can talk about anything sexual, without feeling embarrassed.  I can be naked around anybody, without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.  I have a freedom that many people never get to experience, ya know?  I enjoy walking around naked outside, I enjoy swimming naked, I enjoy just BEING naked.  I like my body (for the most part), and I don't care who sees it, as long as they aren't disrespectful or rude.  I celebrate myself and my submissiveness, and I appreciate it.  I don't hide behind the regular, daily "me" all the time.  I let myself go to the REAL side of who I am, as often as possible.  I like that freedom.

I don't understand how or why so many vanilla people are happy with missionary style, boring sex.  I mean, sure, I like that too...but ya gotta bring something MORE to the table than that, if you want to keep me around.  And I don't just mean 69 or doggie style either.  I mean, spank me a bit, ya know? Or tie me down, (I love hogties)...it just enhances the enjoyment of both people, magnifies the catharsis of it 1000 times over the regular plain old vanilla style sex. There's no way I could ever go back to vanilla. Why would anyone into BDSM ever WANT to?!  That's just not possible.  Once you take the leap of faith---which is NOT an easy thing to do---and once you jump in and try the kinky stuff, well, you're pretty much never going to turn back.

Anyway, I know I've mentioned this stuff to you before in earlier posts and stuff, but my mind set is getting ready for that kind of weekend, so that's what I feel like writing about.  You may be appalled, you may be disgusted...but I actually kinda HOPE that you think it's cool.  I kinda wonder if maybe you're into this stuff too...maybe you're bisexual....maybe you're a switch....whatever your orientation, it's cool with me, and I say more power to ya my friend.  Be real.  Be true to yourself at all times.

And the thing that gets me even more flummoxed, is that people think it's "taboo," and "evil," and "dangerous."  It really isn't.  If it WERE any of those things, NOBODY WOULD DO IT.  Right?!  If it wasn't PLEASURABLE, we wouldn't be involved in these things. Some people are sadists, or masochists, sure, but they can only asphyxiate themselves ONCE, like David Carradine did, ya know?  So they aren't going to repeat that kind of dangerous play because they're probably dead.  If it wasn't fun, if it wasn't intriguing, if it wasn't so much VARIETY involved in it, I wouldn't do it either.

"The secret's not worth keeping," remember?  I love that song, by the way.  Missing You is just such a heartbreaking song, and it's universal, everybody has gone through that at some point in their lives.  We can all relate.  Sometimes I giggle though, when I hear "Somewhere There's Hope," because I substitute rhyming words, like instead of "Somewhere there's Hope," it becomes...."don't drop the soap..." and "somebody please," becomes "get down on your knees"......it's really quite funny when you make a regular love song into something kinky and sexual like that.  Like, one of my favorites is "We've Got Tonight" by Bob Segar.  I've had fun with that song for YEARS....

"We've Got Tonight..." (pause)...insert: "take off your clothes"
"who needs tomorrow," (get into bed)
"let's make it last," (sit on my face)
"let's find a way," (bite me hard)
"Turn out the lights," (blindfold me please)
"Come take my hand," (suck on my dick)
"We've Got Tonight babe, (swallow now)
"why don't you stay..." (now go away).
Whoaaaaa, whoaaaa.....NOW GO AWAY!!!

See what I mean?  It cracks me up.  I mean, that's what the whole damned song is ABOUT, right? So why not just come out and SAY it....just seems to fit into those pauses after every line of lyrics.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my absolute FAVORITE hobby is giving blow jobs.  In fact, I teach a class about it, to help women get over their fear of doing it.  (The gag reflex).  You can train your uvula just by touching it every day, repeatedly, until it gets USED TO something touching it, and at that point you won't gag anymore.  Very simple really, not much of a secret, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't know they can do that.  I enjoy everything about giving them, actually, from the skull-fuck, the gagging on purpose, deep throating, etc., so I'm totally lovin' it.  I guess I must do okay with it, I think that's the only reason Pete married me!!!  *WINK*

Ah well, anyway, I guess I'd better get to bed.  Got an early morning and hopefully we won't be in bad weather on the way to DC.  I do worry about leaving my mom here alone, though, if the weather gets bad or power goes out or something.  But we're just going for an overnight, we'll be back Sunday early.  Hopefully nothing like that will happen.

Have a great weekend, enjoy some kinky pursuits of your own, and if you need pointers, advice, or have any questions about anything in the BDSM realm, just ask yer ole buddy Beck....or as I like to call myself, "Beck-ster-ama, red hot mama." hehehehehe

Love, Rebecca