Hello there….

Hi Steve,

Yeah, I know, it has been a long while since I've written.  You've probably given up on me by now.  I really have no other excuse except that my life has been rather crazy lately.  I know, I know, that's really nothing new, is it?!  Ok, so I'm a lazy ass too.  I had pretty much given up on YOU as well.  I mean, try to see it from where I sit….I write to you, I have no idea if you know about it or read it, and I never get a response.  (I never EXPECTED one, it's a blog, not a pen-pal service).  But, still, after talking to what seems like a brick wall of nothingness for awhile, the words in my brain just fizzle out.

Many things have happened since I last wrote, but I will spare you the monotonous details.  Suffice it to say, I've been to many concerts---Aretha Franklin, Sarah McLaughlin, Moody Blues, and tonight we're going to see Earth, Wind and Fire.

And on Friday, I am off to CAMP.  Haleluyah for that.  But, before I get into that whole thing….

I have also been flummoxed by hearing from Kim----the chick in VA Beach who met you last fall----you may recall that she and her friend were very angry that I teased you by saying they "stalked" you while they were in CA.  Remember that fiasco?  I had no clue why they were both so upset at me for teasing about it, but (as Kim explained recently), apparently I was not the ONLY person to tease them and get upset with them.  She just called me out of the blue and we talked briefly about it.  I never expected to hear from her again.

You had asked them not to reveal the name of the restaurant where they met you, and they have kept that promise---but several of the crazy broads who are older than ME apparently hounded them constantly about it and got angry when they would not budge.  So, my teasing on top of the jet lag and being in arguments with other fans of yours, well, I guess it was just bad timing on my part.  (How the HELL I was supposed to KNOW all that, I've got no clue).  They just unfriended me, without so much as an explanation.  I just chalked it all up as "they are just 2 more crazy broads," (of which there are MANY, I'm sure you know), and I gave up on them too.

This has been a year of giving up people and things.  At least, it has been for me.

I've really just given up on most everything, and I am back to feeling numb all the time.  I guess that's how I am meant to spend the rest of my life.  It just keeps coming back to me time and time again.  The numbness just fills me up and I sleep a lot.  My marriage makes no sense to me anymore, Pete is happy but I'm sad…and he doesn't seem to care.  He's got Sally to keep him busy now.

She's also coming with us to camp.  I don't think I have to explain how hurt that makes me feel.  Pete and I MET at camp. That is OUR THING, and I really do NOT like sharing it with her.  There's really not much left of OURS to cling to anymore.  For my birthday, we didn't do anything or go anywhere.  For HER birthday, they took off for a weekend to Erie PA to see the sights.  I have never been to the beach in Erie PA.  They stayed at a hotel in the Pocono Mountains.  I have never been there either.

I just feel lost, and numb.

So here comes camp.  The 9 best days of the year, that I look forward to every year.  Now SHE will be with us in our cabin, and HE wants to sleep in my bed one night, then take turns and sleep in HER bed the next.  I told him if I walk in and see them having sex, I'm gonna probably go ballistic and move to another cabin.  THAT is the thing I am dreading most.  I don't LIKE sharing OUR THING with her.  He didn't even bother to ask me BEFORE inviting her, so I didn't have any choice in the matter at all.

Anyway, I am just going to drink to excess, and sleep a lot while I'm there.  I already know the two of them will be together constantly, and I'll feel like a third wheel.  I'm TRYING to be the understanding wife, I am TRYING to allow Pete to explore this polyamory thing, but it is not an easy thing for me.

So, giving up on Pete, you, Kim, and camp…yeah.  Ain't life grand.

I sat and watched the damned History channel (which I nicknamed the HITLER channel), which I have avoided like the PLAGUE for many years.  Since 9/11/01 actually.  But, Pete's daughter Sybil is visiting us this week and she was watching it, so I watched with her.   I cried like an idiot through most of the program.  It still hurts me to watch Holocaust stuff.  I had given up on THAT a very long time ago too.  But it still causes my heart to hurt.  So, I can't watch THAT stuff anymore either.

Well, at least it's summertime.  That's something I guess.

Hope you're having a better time so far this year than I am.  I will TRY to write again while I'm at camp.  I am hoping and praying that it will still be a fun time for me.  If I lose that, then just forget everything, I won't go anymore.

Not sure how much more heartache I can take.  Being numb is safer than having anger issues though.

Bye for now.

Love, Rebecca