Summer's last hurrah...

Dear Steve, 

Hello and happy end of summer to you. I hope you have had some fun! I will be gone every weekend in September, so I wanted to write before the chaos begins.

Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you get in a plane, and fly to Virginia Beach the last two weekends in September! That is when we will be there! We have a timeshare there. We are staying for the entire week. I am looking forward to that!  So come on over, and we will have some seafood, or maybe some vegan stuff. Sally will be with Pete and I, and she is vegan also. We can even have mimosas in the morning! How can you pass that up?! 

Get over here!!! You KNOW you want to!!!

I guess you could say that will be our last hurrah for the summer. I have the feeling it will be an early winter, as we already have leaves falling off of the trees. I do love the fall season though, especially the beautiful colors in the trees as you drive. I love Halloween too!

In other news, I used to enjoy having "tea parties" (NOT the political kind), with some local female friends. I would go all out and decorate with a theme each time. I had fun doing that, and the ladies all seemed happy to attend. I think I have had four of them. I would have 12-14 friends attend and bring a dish to pass. 

However, all good things do come to an end. One afternoon, a close friend of mine came over to tell me that she and all the other girls were concerned about me. They feel that my house is too cluttered with stuff; and it was their assumption that I am having difficulties with this poly relationship. She said they all felt that I was trying to "fill a void in my life" by having so much stuff. They also felt concerned that I may be turning into a "hoarder."

The context of this conversation is based upon my last tea party in July. I decorated my entire kitchen and dining room as a picnic theme. However, this being Pittsburgh, this time ladies showed up with alcohol and nobody drank tea. Not only that, but a few brought their husbands. And, then the same friend I mentioned above had a boyfriend come to the party. I had never met him before. They promptly went into our large living room, and proceeded to get naked.

She says to me, apologetically, "oh I hope this is OK with you?" I stood there looking at her, disgusted, and said, "hey whatever." And then I closed the French doors. (I was-- to put it mildly--rather annoyed). But, I can't very well be a prude, now, can I?! These so-called "friends" had turned this simple tea party into a play party. At least, that is what they were hoping to accomplish.

 This same friend, later had the audacity to contact me by text, asking if she and her boyfriend could come over and use one of our guest bedrooms. I kid you not. Does she really believe that we are running a brothel, I wonder?   We were out of town, so I told her no, and if her boyfriend really needed sex, he could splurge on a hotel room. What a friend, huh?!

The tea party took place only five days after we returned from camp. Meaning, I was still unpacking, putting things away, and doing laundry. I have a tiny laundry closet, that has a stackable washer and dryer. There is no room for a table, or any other place to fold the clean clothing. So I had stacks of folded clothes on the couches in my living room. (Note: I have since created a folding table in the adjacent closet). 

Apparently, this caused the women to feel as though I had a tornado go through my home. Needless to say, my feelings were a bit hurt. I mean, it seems to me, that a good friend would say, "I see that you are swamped with housework right now. Let me help you out. Put me to work." Or, even better, wouldn't CARE.

But that was not the end of the conversation. Another point she brought up was suggesting that, instead of giving everyone a gift bag full of tiny presents, which I had done after every party as they left, she would rather have me go to lunch with her, or a movie, or shopping, etc. "Those bags of goodies you give to us, often land in the goodwill pile," she said.  That made me feel real happy. (Sarcasm).

My feelings were hurt.

Now, I do know that this female friend had just gone to the liquor store to purchase wine. Whether or not she had downed a bottle, I don't know. But the conversation, mostly one-sided, suddenly twisted and turned into various directions. She was distraught over hating her mother, trying to be poly with her husband, and her boyfriend, and having difficulty, as well as feeling lost and overwhelmed.

Projecting her own issues on to ME, as an assumption of why MY house was messy that day-- not to mention the fact that the women all showed up two hours early--- made me feel like a total loser. I would have had all of those clothes put away and other items removed that were cluttered. But they came early, and I was in the shower.

Anyway, long story short, I no longer have tea parties, and when I posted my hurt feelings on Facebook, without naming any names, Sally defended me to this friend, and THEY began arguing. 

Again, I remained mostly silent throughout this entire ordeal. I had told this friend that it was fine, I appreciated their concern, but it really wasn't a problem. I don't think she heard one word of it, however.

So Sally and this friend begin a bitch session toward each other. Sally felt that this friend had hurt me, and she was simply defending me. But this friend decided that Sally had threatened her, and that she would not back down if they had a fight.  Two days later, another female "friend" contacted me to say she and her husband were worried about the 3 of us all coming to their party that weekend, they didn't want any trouble or fighting. Obviously, Sally and I did not attend. 

I no longer speak to that friend, nor do I speak to any of the other ladies either. What is the point? Having female friends, is something I am apparently not very good at. I have always been one of the guys. Guys are much easier to deal with.

I mean, even you understand the baseball "three strikes you're out" rule. Am I right? So, if you screw up three times, you are done. Bye-bye. Simple. Women, on the other hand,  are not as simple. It seems to me that many people thrive on creating drama where there really is none. I have never been like that, nor do I ever want to be around people like that.

Life is way too short to squander time and energy away on unnecessary drama queens. So, I am once again finding myself without friends. I do not mind, I would rather have a peaceful existence then to have drama queens judging me and unfairly assuming things about me. That is not my definition of a true friend.

On the same day that this situation exploded, my sister and my husband had a slight disagreement on Facebook, regarding my visit to Michigan that was coming up. My mom posted a photo. Of Sally Pete and me. My sister wanted to know who Sally was. My mom answered the girlfriend. At that point my sister, not understanding anything about Polly, jumped to the wrong conclusion that Pete is cheating on me.

Sheeny blew up at me, because it was Father's Day, and I had written a paragraph thinking my mom for being both parents to me as I grew up. I have not spoken to my dad in nearly 25 years. I do not like him. However, I also do not badmouth him to my sisters, Because they both have a good relationship with him.

So my sister, who had been drinking that day I might add, decided that Pete is a jerk, that I am being hurt by him, and that this Sally person was not welcome to come visit her home. When Pete answered we can cancel the visit, regarding me, my sister answered with "I have a Smith and Wesson and I know how to use it."

Of course, I know that she does not in fact on a Smith & Wesson. Nor has she ever fired a gun in her entire life. So this was a false bravado alcoholic conversation. But at that point, I felt stuck in the middle, trying to keep the peace between my sister, my mom, and Pete. 

I also felt caught in the middle of Sally and my other friend who were arguing about me. It must have been a full moon, I don't know. It just felt like everyone around me was caught up in some drama, that wasn't even started BY me. I was just the scapegoat. Apparently it was "take it out on Rebecca day." 

Nobody warned me.

I tried explaining to my sister, who is very opinionated, that it was not cheating on me because I allow him to have Sally as a girlfriend. She still was unable to wrapper head around that concept, which is understandable. But then she went too far, and accused me of "hating our dad because he cheated on mom, but now suddenly it's OK for MY hubby to cheat on me?!" 

I felt unfairly attacked from all sides. Since then, my sister has not apologized. Neither has the other friend. So, I am just avoiding them both. I did see my sister last month when I drove to. Michigan for my best friend's 25th wedding anniversary. She did not mention anything about it, so I didn't either.

I dislike drama queens, to complicate my life. I just like having a peaceful life. If that means having nobody around, then so be it. If those are my only choices, I choose solitude.

My best friend Laurie came to visit me, a few weeks ago. She stayed with us for two weeks, and during that time she spent at least three quarters of the time asking questions and jumping to conclusions about the polyamory. Personally, I am getting very tired and weary of feeling defensive about it. She is very vanilla, and very Catholic. I think (as a stereotype), she also has a rather closed mind.

Her husband watches Fox news every day. Enough said.

So trying to explain reasons, interests, the whole shebang, really becomes quite tedious. And I think our society has been for a very long time, concerned too much with the private lives of people behind closed bedroom doors, so that they can feel superior and cast judgment. It is frustrating.

Those two ladies in Virginia Beach who met you a few months ago, actually last fall I believe, don't keep in touch very much at all with me either. One of them contacted me this summer, but after a few brief calls, that's it so far. Kind of sad, I don't know what it is about me that makes it hard to have female friends.

Other than all that, I have enjoyed most of the summer. It just goes by way too fast.

I hope to be able to carve out more time to write to you on this blog. Sometimes, however, I feel like I am writing to a brick wall. It becomes daunting, and I run out of things to write about.

So, until next time.....xoxo

Love, Rebecca